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Whither Relationships?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by satchitananda, Jan 26, 2014.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    **********
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    No disagreements on these points. I too must admit, reading some of the stories have given me a different perspective of my own life. Sometimes I might go to the extent of seeing a halo round my mil's head. :p

     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I was just about to edit my post and write something similar.I do feel my MIL is not that unreasonable after reading some of the stories here. Call it the side effects of reading the relationship forum.:coffee
     
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  4. manu2009

    manu2009 Silver IL'ite

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    hi,
    I really appreciate that unless we retain a sense of justice we will be fighting a lost battle. agreed we will be judgmental and biased. thanks for focusing the same.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2014
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  5. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    First, Satchi it is a good post and much needed one.

    YM, I am a kind of person who would encourage to give back/ defend/ and not to take all the dirt that it is thrown up.. in real life too. Also, you might have seen Satchi too siding on many of the women's here earlier and even now and she was and is been a sensible, balanced person cum mod too. The only point here is, people posting much below the decent line and also viewing the MIL / SIL clan always as bad people.

    And another note, I have also seen some of the posters becoming stronger and sailing through the rough patches, only because of IL. I have learnt not to be judgemental from IL and time and again I learn this point. But somewhere down the line, we are becoming negative anything about In-laws. That is where it hurts. When we say we take the thread of a DIL on face value of it (as we cannot verify the genuinity and we need not to verify it also, agree with that), we don't do the same when a MIL / SIL posts their vent. It is good to ask the members to look from the other side but we cannot always make a MIL / SIL wrong.

    And YM, all the above response is not meant to say that you are doing that way.. (I have rarely read your vents, if any). We referred to the all of us who posts here as OP / respondents, including me.

    What I grabbed from Satchi's post is.. Vent your issues, yes it relieves, gives insights but don't attack on very personal and private details of others (be it MIL / SIL / any other person).
     
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  6. bhucat

    bhucat Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Satchi, Yours is a wonderful post....a true one from your heart....without any shell, indirect speech etc....
    I still found not much comfortable when i make reply to relationship forum....but sometimes i do....because from the OP details to some extent i make out what was happened...some incidents are reasonable and some are over exaggerated.
    So few posts makes me to post a reply, i want to share my views to those posts becuase may be i would have undergone similar situations or my friends would have faced such thing.
    As you said i feel so happy and blessed to have such a nice MIL but i too have friends whose MILS are not like me...so i came to know how the ill treatment would be. sometimes it is difficult to tolerate but sometimes it is our ego to NOT to tolerate due to past bitter experiences....so we have two coins here...
    But majority i can see some immatured DILS here.....may be out of experience they will gain the tolerance and maturity to handle MIL and their tantrums...but most of the time they never accpet it, they used to argue to the reply we make. I accpet that it is not mandatory to accept others ideas/views but they do not even reply politely.
    I had such a worst experience in my early stages post, not in relationship forum, the other poster actually argued with the another poster and it was based out of community and their views in the movies....so my point was similar to one of the poster so i supported him/her, but what happened finally the group which was opposing the views started writing reply in the harsh manner and i did not like the way they expressed their views.....the bad thing is the moderator him/herself supported their views and without my permission deleted my 2/3 posts leaving the opposite person's reply. This made me so furious but i was not that much used to give counter arguements and also i am the person who do not like these type of indecent behaviour i just came out of the thread saying "waste of time".

    So as Viswa sir thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/241494-emotional-and-rational-mind.html says it is the individual's manners/ ethics when come to virtual world whether our identity is known or unknown we should respect ourself and our dignity which is utmost important.

    I know still we have so many friends in other forums who do not appear in the relationship forum that is not because they do not know to reply, many of them are even more experienced in life, MIL and SIL's but the only reason is manytimes it became a group politics cornering the odd man out, here the odd man is the person who is against the OP's view....
     
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  7. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Sats
    I applaud you for bringing this matter to the fore. You have voiced exactly what was bothering me. Your post #27 is excellent and clarifies the original point even better.
    I agree a 100%

    To clarify Yellowmango's question on why suddenly there are threads on a wife's role in a marriage - speaking for myself, I posted ONLY because of Induslady's request to show my support to her attempt to steer this forum towards a positive direction.

    In fact, after I posted my thread,there, I began compiling one for MIL's too - the way I see it. A few here:
    - Do not make demands from the girl's side. Dislike towards the MIL starts mainly because of this. I would not like it if anyone made demands on my parents.
    - Do not indulge in self-praising: your son or your own family. Be matter of fact when talking about your son's good points. Share a few of his idiosyncrasies as well.
    - Show that you are human with your faults.
    ....Well the list in the making.

    However, I have decided to never post it here knowing that my intentions will be subject to the speculation if I am for real, or if I am creating a goody-goody picture to receive a positive reputation here.

    Same scenario of branding a MIL helping in the kitchen as wielding the house keys, and MIL who does not, as a lazy woman.

    Damned if we do damned if we don't!

    Another reason is what you and Bhucat have already written-There is too much polarization and zero tolerance to diverse viewpoints.

    Perhaps it is time for me to step out of this forum too after giving my responses to the feedback I may receive for my thread on marriage tips.
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear KKrish....like I said...individually all those threads are good(infact I was one of the frst ones to like and add to your thread) but collectively and within a span of a day they do appear like a flood of one sided advice. Please do post the suggestions for MIL. The forum does need more balance. am sure there are enough mature posters here who will appreciate the contribution.
    I did not mean anything personal in my post. I do apologize if I hurt your feelings or any one else's .
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2014
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  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Kamala,

    Thanks a lot for the feedback. Kamala, I would really feel sorry to see you not posting the list for the mils. It is always nice to read a balanced view on every issue.

    Let us not allow any extreme stands to dominate these forums. The only way is to keep posting in a balanced manner, so that the polarization that has already happened and is happening is not allowed to take a hold over the site.

    I have always enjoyed coming to IL and participating actively because of the kind of posters that come here, many of whom are now missing. Let us not allow that to change. The only way to entice them back is to restore the site's old ethos.
     
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  10. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    So much for sanitizing the virtual world and delivering homilies on how the newer generation of wives should conduct themselves to ensure happy families.

    Does anybody have any ideas how to respectfully prevent information about one's preference for low-cut cholis, lacy underwear, menstrual cycles, birth control, fertility issues, post-partum weight gain, etc etc, from being tom-tommed about the neighbourhood and the extended family by the older women in the family ? You know, even the kind of issues one's family may be in the know of simply by virtue of living under the same roof.

    Disclaimer: I am not justifying intemperate language or tasteless posts on IL. Yesterday, my MIL wanted to see my baby bump on Skype so that she and her neighbour and her sister could compare their respective DIL's girths. I also came to know about the sperm counts and other fertility issues of a cousin SIL and her husband.
    I have the option of not reading disgusting posts on IL and posting a strongly-worded response if I do read them. Sadly, it isn't as easy in real life. shakehead

    Everytime we converse on Skype with my ILs, DH and I blush purple. Thankfully my mom is too busy too with her 2yr old granddaughter, one cat, six birds, one guineapig, 3 aquariums and a cranky 73-yr old husband to exchange cringe-worthy information with us. :crazy
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2014
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