Disclaimer: All along I have been standing up for the cause of wives/dils who have been having complaining of ill-treatment - physical, mental or emotional. However, it is now high time to take a look at the other side of the coin. As educated, rational women, we need to be objective and ask ourselves whether we are totally blameless ourselves. At the risk of receiving brickbats, I feel the time has come for me to say something that has been bothering me over the past few months. I do not wish to sermonize, but I certainly want to bring a few things to the notice of our posters. A majority of us come here with problems of varying degrees with husbands and ILs. We could come here to get suggestions, ask for advice or simply to vent. I can fully empathize with most posters and their predicament - I have been through plenty myself even though it is nothing compared to what many ladies have been through and are still going through. However, of late, going through some of the threads, I am beginning to wonder whether the scepticism with which such threads are viewed by many members is totally unfounded. The reason for this is some of the claims made are really outrageous and trolls are constantly being called out. Some claims make me wonder if it is really so bad in today's age and era. But then, who knows? Nothing can be dismissed outright. Having said that, what is really upsetting is the fact that in the process of venting, having a laugh and sharing one's frustrations, many posters seem to be crossing the limits of decency. What they probably do not realize is that they are discrediting members with genuine problems and that they are going to lose any kind of sympathy of members. They are putting those who really require support at the risk of being discredited and trivialized. Reading a thread about mils and their quirks, I realized today that some of the posts are really retrograde. While some of them are a good laugh because they take a dig at human frailties, there are a few which run down mils and sils for the sake of doing so. Probably these posters do not realize that they are indulging in the same kind of behaviour they are accusing mils of - that is running down other women. They might not even notice it. That is why I felt, may be as one of you, I should bring to your notice that all this is not helping our cause. It is polarizing the members on the forum and perfectly balanced members whom I have always had a lot of respect for are reacting by going to the other extreme. Making fun of people's personal habits, rejoicing over people commenting on a young woman's unmarried status etc. are really cruel. If the same things had been said by mils of dils, it would have led to an outright war on the forum. Let us accept that even our mils and sils are women like us. No matter what their age, they have a right to dress the way they like without our poking fun at their dress sense or choice of colours. We like to dress the way we like and don't like others commenting about it. To each one her own. Why can't we learn some tolerance? Demanding respect is one thing, fighting for rights is something that is absolutely necessary, but the other side of the coin is tolerance towards other's rights. One of the USPs of IL is the fact is it is clean, friendly and a relatively gentle place to be in the virtual world ..... or at least has been so far. That is what draws us here. Let us not destroy our own safe haven away from the "real" world by vitiating the atmosphere on the forum and by falling to really pathetic levels. Let us on our part retain a sense of fairness, justice and decorum while writing here in light vein or otherwise. If we want to fight for justice, we have to be just ourselves. We need to maintain our dignity, otherwise we will only be fighting a lost battle. I am sorry, I do not mean to sound preachy; but what has to be said has to be said.