Which type of conversation is good forever?

Hi vanaja

A very relevant topic in today's timei guess.

Ever since childhood i was the"good" girl... always patient and obedient and no answer backing/expressing myself directly in such situations.. But by the time i graduated i was so frustrated with the accumulation inside me that i wanted to break free and take a job somewhere far away to live my life anew and unrestricted. Well, that happenned as well and i got to the other side of the tunnel - became the girl who simply spoke her mind out most of the times; else it would just show up on my face..
And now, i have come to realise (specially after marraige) that actually there needs to be a balance,an equilibrium so as to prevent either of the extremes from harming oneself.

Just my experiences..

Charu..

 

I accept 100% Vanaja!
Always talking with patience ( is it always possible!) and using the right words at the right time and place to the right person, yield more desired results.
We can 'talk frankly--to the face' but we must be ready to accept other person's comment on us, which might be hurting, sometimes.

sriniketan

 

Dear vanaja,

Like every other thread of yours, this one is also very true, practical & down to earth!
Yes! :iagreeI with you...even though I too use this dialogue ' to be frank you', I later on, regret about it. Actually, while speaking… many of us lack presence of mind, at that fit of a moment we end up being emotional & pour our feeling with blunt statement. Well, the intention may not be to hurt others but as you said it lacks gentleness & politeness.

Like you, I too should start developing the art of talking with patience.

 

Dear Vanaja,

A great thread indeed. One that is so relevant in today’s times – the art of good communication.

I agree with you Vanaja that a conversation must leave a pleasant feeling. Charu, I absolutely agree that there has to be equilibrium. Not too “in the face” neither too bottled up. Sriniketan, you are so right about being open to hearing out the other person’s comments also. Anushiv, you have correctly identified “presence of mind” as one of the essential qualities to carrying out a good conversation.

Just like most of you, I too am constantly on the lookout for ways to improve my communication and conversational skills because I believe that this is one of the most important trait needed to succeed in life - no matter what sphere of life it may be.

I follow these ground rules –
· Stay calm. Try not to lose my cool at any cost.
· What is the purpose of my conversation?
· What I am trying to achieve by making this conversation?
· What is my end goal and what is my second best end goal for this conversation?
· What is the best possible approach? Sometimes it could be being assertive, or being blunt (in a nice way!), or being pushy, or acting plain dumb!
· Detachment from the end result. Because sometimes no matter how hard I try or how good I converse, things will just not work the way I’d like them to.

While I absolutely agree that patience and politeness are the building blocks of any effective conversation I’d like to drill down a level deeper and share some thoughts at this level.

Going one level deep, I’d classify conversations into different categories. And I believe that based on the category of the conversation, the reaction he/she gives is determined.

I think that every conversation is usually made with a purpose in mind (even when we think that there is no real purpose!). Some conversations are for pleasure; some to have a good laugh, some to vent out and release frustration, some to complain (I think we all do that!), some for passing our time, gossiping and many various types. In all of these, the type of conversation determines our disposition and mood during the conversation. If we are trying to get a point across we may have to be more assertive. If we are trying to get some work done from a person who has been slacking, we will sound pushy (meaning we will look impatient). If we are trying to appease someone we will naturally sound very sweet! J So I think it is not always a good idea to pin ourselves down to “a” particular way of communicating.

From what I have learnt by observing people who have mastered the art of good communication is, that we must first recognize our inherent nature and our strong and weak areas. Then “customize” the general principles of good communication skills based on our inherent nature and use them accordingly. Some of us might be short tempered, some do not like to voice our opinions, some like to give the “silent treatment”. What we must focus on is strengthening our strong areas and toning down our weak areas. I think it is unrealistic to expect that some of our inherent tendencies are just going to vanish. But we can try to tone them down and try to avoid them getting in the way of a conversation. Instead, we should use our strengths to veer the conversation in the right direction. I have personally found this very helpful.

Thanks for reading this long drawn reply. Perhaps, my area for toning down could be "communicate in a succinct manner"! J

Look forward to more interesting replies from all my friend’s here..

SS

 

I like people who are straight forward! My definition of straight -- -- - is sincere opinion . Ofcourse the way it is expressed matters more than anything else' A small hurt can create ego problems and we may not succeed in our objective.(May be correcting something wrong). Intentions however good they may be need to be communicated in a way which will be appealing to the mind and the reasoning faculty.

Sometimes straight forwardness may not gain popularity. But it gives credibility to the person. People will definitely value the advice of such a peorson. kanaka:hatsoff

 

taking an example of the republican candidates presidential debate:

Romney: Barack Obama is not the only one who wants to bring in change, in fact I am the one who personifies change.....

McCain : yes Mitt, you are for change (implying Romney is a flip flopper)

audience goes wild with a burst of applause.


here McCain's retort came with out even a bit change in either the tone (still nice and friendly), body language (still relaxed and at ease with himself and others) ......**presence of mind......*end goal......

emotion kills conversation, the other person either sympathises or blocks it out (on the good side) not necessarily agreeing with or receptive to what one is saying

excellent points....