Which Ritual You Have To Follow At Your In Laws House That You Don't Like?

Already replied above. My PILs are very educated and modern in their thinking even though they follow simple traditional life style. So, no issue so far.
If your SIL is not pressing her MIL's or SIL's feet, how can they force you to do so. Also they are very modern enough to allow their daughter to wear shorts, but DIL has to follow all the traditions. Thats why I said when its their own daughter its just their comfort & happiness, but for DIL its their duty. If you are newly married, observe them and do whats best for you. Never complain to dh, but be smart to do what you want through actions. But please dont spoil your relationship with them over this issue, but slowly wean them off in a smart way. Sometimes you have to pretend that you are deaf or have memory issues. If you are used to follow these customs in your home, it wont be tough, if not, I can understand your confusion over these double standards. You can fight on it or express displeasure, but if these people have narrow mindset when it comes to DIL (evident) , it will create lot of issues and they will issue a bad DIL label. So be practical. Your SIL is not much older than you to seek blessings, next time hold her hands or hug or forgot to do anything or dont come immediately to greet. Take your own time.

Do what you think is right. Slowly stop doing things you dont like, but treat them with respect. Its a blessing to have good PILs. Maintain good relationship with them. Always be who you are. Learn how to create boundaries in relationship and stand for yourself. Create an impression slowly that no one can force you to do things you dont like. Let actions speak louder than voice.

 

Aditi, why are you always giving into n being a doormat by your sil n mil? Are you newly married?
How long since your marriage?

I suppose you belong to rajasthan/marwari as I see them following this custom of pressing legs of elders, taking pallu over head, eating meals after men, not addressing husband's by name etc.

If you come from orthodox family where you are taught to be like this, then its okay you don't have to follow it if you don't like it.

If you are posting on this public forum, atleast you are well educated, have access to mobile and internet. So why behave like 1950s women who had no voice in their homes or those who raised their voices against injustice or patriarchy were told to shutup.

Believe me, when i was newly married i fell into all these traps too ..but i was smart enough to recognise quickly of what was happening and set my boundaries. Though it did cost me a lot like losing my peace, horrible fights insults from inlaws, husband initially...but now the expectations are set. So that i do what i want to n not be what they want me to be.

You have to cut it in the budding stage else for years together you will b trapped into doing all that you dont like to. It wont earn u best dil medal.

 

To me, it sounds like she was being sarcastic.

 

@AditiShining,

Next time when your SIL returns from a long trip, offer to massage her neck as it would be painful after a long trip. No one likes to give access to the neck unless he or she is a massage therapist. Hopefully, this message will eliminate further request for leg massages.