Which house is for a lady - Parents, ILs, DH, self financed

ShilpaMa · Nov 6, 2009

I see too many hot discussions on this is not your house and that is not your house and forced to think where do I exactly belong to....
Is a lady a transferrable item whose ownership keeps changing from time & situation?

Scenario : Parents lived in city A, ILs live in city B, u and DH live in city C, after your marriage ur parents now live in city D.

Now god forbid ur left alone.. and you cant pay emi/ rent to your current house.. then where do you go?

ILs? .. some ppl say when you're not living/ lived & taken care of your ILs and home burdens its not your house. ALso they might not even appreciate this idea.....

Parents? .. if above applies to ILs then same applies to parents cos you were not supporting them all this while.... also u never supported them in past.. they only supported you.
But again same ppl will say that since you were born and brought up here its your OWN house & you have equal rights on it.

When I parted from my home during marriage and was handing over my set of keys to my mom.. she wept like a Tulsi/ Parvati & told me... now your ILs house is urs :rotflI also had some tears... reason was ok... so now i need to have new set of ppl arnd me.
When me and my husb landed in city C.. my MIL asked DH to handover his set of keys to house in city B.... he had silent tears.... his reason I donno.

Now we cud finally have a house of our own in city C but my MIL at every small argument calls up my parents to take me to their home.... which is left to her wishes.. cos dogs do bark arnd.. in day or nite...........

Now acc to me if I were in that position I would have lived in each house (current -> ILs -> Parents) for a while irrespective of how my relations were & then only taken a call where to live finally instead of having blind un/faith in 1 family..... How would others react to it?

PLS - I dont need any corrective measures for my ILs in this post (I dont want to change anyone).. it was just a reference/ Background that despite this behav I wud have given it a try.....

asuitablegirl · Nov 6, 2009

If you and dh live together independently in a house, that is YOUR home. If some bad event happens and you are divorced and can't pay the monthly payments, then you can go to your PARENTS home and stay with them until you get back on your feet. Then you can go back out into the world and again try to make YOUR own home. If you go back to living with your parents permanently, then I guess you can call again call your parents home your home too. Inlaws are dumb when they say they will send their dil's back to their parents house. They have no power or authority to take anyone out of their own home and send them somewhere else, unless dil is actually living in pils house.

Me and dh plan on livinging seperately from either sets of parents. Our kids will live with us when they are small. Someday when they are grown, they'll live seperately too with their own families. I feel that is the way it should be. I don't believe in the joint family system.

Rihana · Nov 6, 2009

ShilpaMa said: ↑

PLS - I dont need any corrective measures for my ILs in this post
Click to expand...

:rotfl

I would try to avoid moving in with somebody as much as possible, but if that didn't work out, then - I would move in with in-laws (just for reason of physical space/rooms in house). Next choice would be one of my siblings, and the last would be my parents house.

Rather than moving in, I would prefer to take a loan from family or in-laws or friends till I am able to get back on my feet. This is due to a strong dislike for sharing house with anybody and also because we live in the U.S. and siblings/family/in-laws in India, which makes moving in with them a bit hard.

Nice thread!
-Rihana

SKK · Nov 7, 2009

Certainly , there is no place like our own home. Our own home put together by both of us , say petit or huge, it is ours.

i have experienced staying with my inlaws and also at my parents place after marriage.

I am a welcomed guest at my parents place once I am married.
I was (WAS) an unwelcomed burden at my MIL place .

But our own cozy little home is a paradise for both of us

ShilpaMa · Nov 10, 2009

Thanks ASG, Rihana (this is the most pratical approach).
SKK... .
"I am a welcomed guest at my parents place once I am married.
I was (WAS) an unwelcomed burden at my MIL place . " :biglaugh

You just stole my words......................:rotfl

Malyatha · Nov 13, 2009

Your house is the house that YOU live in. Period. It need not be the house that you paid for, but if you live in the home on a daily basis and share in the labors of running it every day, then it is yours, regardless of who else you share it with.

ShilpaMa said: ↑

Now god forbid ur left alone.. and you cant pay emi/ rent to your current house.. then where do you go?

ILs? .. some ppl say when you're not living/ lived & taken care of your ILs and home burdens its not your house. ALso they might not even appreciate this idea.....

Parents? .. if above applies to ILs then same applies to parents cos you were not supporting them all this while.... also u never supported them in past.. they only supported you.
But again same ppl will say that since you were born and brought up here its your OWN house & you have equal rights on it.
Click to expand...

If you are in a situation where you cannot pay the rent / EMI, then you can move in with anyone who is willing to take you in. It does not matter whether this person is an in-law, a parent, or even just a good friend. And where you go is nobody else's business. I am aware that in a previous post you said that your business is everyone else's business, but that is the exact reason why Indian families are plagued by dirty and murky politics. We like to interfere in situations and arrangements that should not be our concern at all, under the guise of 'love' / 'family ties' etc. Many extended family members also like to thrust their views, values and morals on others just because they are connected to them by blood or marriage. This creates problems which snowball into an avalanche because one individual's nosiness is countered by the other person's retaliatory interference in the first person's affairs, which is again squared off by more interference from the second person's end and so on & so forth until the cycle perpetuates to eternity....

ShilpaMa said: ↑

Now acc to me if I were in that position I would have lived in each house (current -> ILs -> Parents) for a while irrespective of how my relations were & then only taken a call where to live finally instead of having blind un/faith in 1 family..... How would others react to it?
Click to expand...

As above. Why do you care how anyone else will react? First of all, if you are living with your husband, then your MIL has no right to call your parents and tell them to take you to their house because the home you live in with your DH is YOUR house and she does not have the right to send you away from it. The more you care for other people's reaction, the less peace of mind you will have. As you rightly said, dogs do bark. It's up to you to ignore these barks and live YOUR life as YOU desire. If you try to please everyone, then you will never be able to live happily.

ShilpaMa · Nov 13, 2009

Maya, this was a hypothetical ques.. that if a reader of this post has to decide where to go then what will that particular reader do.

I'm least bothered abu reaction of ppl involved in my life.
Like others have mentioned as to wht wud have they done if they were left to fend for themselves.

flowerlady · Nov 13, 2009

If the wifes name is on the registration papers even jointly with DH ,the house is also hers. Parental property is now divided equally between siblings unless specified . Ladies in distress take refuge with parents as the DH usually does his best to see her homeless ,she may have contributed to the payments, but if her name is not on the papers then she has to fight to it.
Yes, a girl is always in a dicey position if she is married to a typical MCP who keeps threatening to throw her out.

blessed · Nov 17, 2009

Ofcourse the house u stay is your house,

Initialy if I could get a chance I would run to my parents home because that was the place I would be at ease and feel at home.

Then gradually I longed for my own home, me , my DH and DD but when I came to know that will never happen (because DH is the only son and will never never think of moving out of his parents house) I started to think my inlaws house as my home, started to make changes as if it is my own home and recently we got our and DD's rooms renovated according to my ideas with the help of interior decorator, and now touch wood I started loving my home ( ofcourse with the inlaws problem) since I take the major decision in my home I dont feel a stranger any more.