Where is this nice guy

Kamalji · Dec 21, 2014

Dear Vishwa,

What a lovely heartwarming post Vishwa. let not my wife read this, otherwise, i have had it, she will say, be like yr friend, help me.just yesterday it was veyr cold, she was in her blnaket long befopre i was to sleep, and she said, pls press my back, and i did, and i am feeling good for that, that is the only thing i do for her, shame onme.

The answer to yr question, vishwa, really i dont know. i guess we mellow down with age, manybe you want tos et an example to yr son, but whatever it is , it is for the ebtter.

we have the full time cooking maid, so wife does not have to cook, we get food in hand all meals, i just drive my wife to veggies market, where she says give me 5 mins and takes half an hour, and i get very impatient waiting in the car for her to lug veggies. But whats app keeps me busy , i then read jokes and send messages, while she comes, so her taking time now does not bother me. but she is happy ui waited for her.

HAHA

Regards

kamal

GoogleGlass · Dec 21, 2014

A nice one about nice people like V' - bringing out the changes that happened as he/we grow.

I have been a lazy guy and never was domesticated at all It has reached a level that even if I offer to help, they would say better you keep quiet and not spoil anything.

Born as kids crossing childhood, adulthood we tend to become kids again - so your kid-style returned. But these days the kids are expected to mature faster and compete in every facet of life and really miss all the fun of childhood. So when they retire, how could they get back to childhood days to enjoy???

Viswamitra · Dec 21, 2014

Dear Smt Jayasala:

I was not taught the rule that handling broomstick would bring bad omen to the house. I have cleaned the house and even mopped the floor of the house several times as a young boy. My mother never forced me to do anything. She did not even asked for help but we volunteered. Probably, that was the way I was releasing the enormous energy inherent in me at that age.

Offering to help at the age of 60 and beyond does not surprise me either. What surprised me is my attitude to indulge in laziness during the mid-age. Other than taking care of my son after return from work, I didn't move a finger to help my wife.Fortunately that early bonding with my son resulted in him showering love to his dad. If I was not doing that, I would have been a total stranger in my own home.

Nowadays, most women work also and asking them to do all domestic work is very unfair. The men need to learn a little bit of culinary skills and at least help in cleaning up the utensils. The upkeep of the house is another area men could help substantially at least over the week ends.

Even if one does not contribute substantially, appreciating the effort of wife internally and expressing them out openly helps. I was not a visionary to know what I know now, if my wife didn't spend so much time with my son, I would not be feeling proud of him today. The tree doesn't grow on its own to yield great results unless someone takes care of the sapling by pouring water and nourishing them with other needs everyday.

Man of the house should never feel proud of building a career which results in providing for the family substantially. While he provides for the present happiness, wife provides for the future happiness. Comparing the contributions is meaningless as without either one of them, there is no future.

Viswa

Viswamitra · Dec 21, 2014

Dear Kamalji,

Thank you for your visit. You are doing okay by helping Harshaji at least now. That is a job well done. Even if she has a full time cooking maid, managing her might be hell of a task. Besides, if you invite people home, she must be going through a lot of work to clean the house and make the guest comfortable at home. The domestic work never ceases despite hiring helpers.

Keep us the good work Kamlaji. Harshaji deserves that. Even though you were a bold patient to come out of cancer, you and I could never visualize what went through her mind during that period. Keep her happy and you will get happiness automatically.

Viswa

Viswamitra · Dec 21, 2014

Dear GG,

Thank you for your response. Get out of your shell and try and help your wife voluntarily now. There is no need for someone to domesticate you and you can learn by yourself. It is all in our mind. Even putting your plate in sink, washing your own plate, putting the clothes in the washer, cutting vegetables at least during weekends, etc. demonstrates you care for her. These small signs make your wife feel so happy. Who said romance is only when you hold one of the hands of your spouse, walk the garden and smell the roses?

The technology killed children going out to play leave alone helping the parents. But they better learn domestic skills without which they may be crucified by their spouses through verbals. In the next generation, man has to be an expert in culinary skills to win the heart of a woman.

Viswa

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Dec 21, 2014

Dear Mr Viswa,
The nice guy is always there sometimes visible sometimes dormant. When nessecity arises the dormant becomes conscious.
As long as my DH was in service he never used to help me in household work. As Jaya has said in those days mothers didn't like to take help from boys and when they got married they didn't like their son to help d-i- l also. But he is a man who follows the adage 'paropakaram itham sariram.'
He used to be deeply involved in social and temple activities. But he used to do marketing and buying provision and taking children to hospital when they were sick.
Now after retirement he does help me in household cores.
My elder son BT used to go to ration shop and used to spread bed for all and also other small errands.
Recently my younger son came home for two days and my daughter also came to spend time with him. They both were talking very late iIn the night and when I asked my daughter what they were talking, she told that they were talking about their childhood days and how they used to dodge in helping their brother in spreading the bed.

Nowadays boys do help in domestic cores when both of them are working. But in some houses patriarchy still exists.
PS

Viswamitra · Dec 21, 2014

Dear Smt Srinivasan:

You are right. I have more appreciation for my wife's efforts now than what I had earlier in the mid-age. Raising children is more than an art or science and knowing that is far superior to any career building exercise. Whenever my son goes to India, people do ask me that he doesn't look like he was raised in America. Probably, they expect children from America to be arrogant, less listening and speak with an accent that no one can follow. My son is very humble and especially nice with people who serve at home as maids. When I see all of his actions how he behaves with people who come home to work as maid or to drive vehicle, it demonstrates to me how much time my wife spent in building his character. But proof will be seen when he gets married and how he helps his wife in raising his children and extend helping hands in domestic work.

I get the same feeling when I interacted with your son as well. His education and character has humbled him a lot. I am sure he must be a great help to his wife.

Viswa

iyerviji · Dec 21, 2014

Viswa dear congrtatulations for being nominated by Jayakka. It was very interesting to read everyone's fbs which shows each one's experience. You are always a nice guy , your parents must be proud to have a son like you. My husband also used to help his mother though he had nine sisters. It seems when he was 8 yrs old his mother gave him to grind for sambhar and later asked him what were the ingredients in what he grinded and he told her what do I know whtever you gave me I grinded. She told though I have nine daughters why I told you to do that is so that you will be always independant and not depend on anyone .

When I was working he always used to help me in cooking , looking after the children, only teaching them I used to do. My son always says whatever I am today is because of you. Feel so nice hearing that. He knows to prepare dosa and recently when he had come to India asked me how to make tomato chutney and now he makes that and he was telling next time I will make and give you. Now after retirement I dont allow my husband to help int he kitchen because he is already busy with social work. I dont join any classes and go wherever he takes me because when he comes home I want to be there to help hm. But after my cataract operation he started boiling milk and keeping for rice after taking bath , then I after taking bath do the remaining cooking. I have told him I will manage but he does not listen.

I think after retirement when the children are settled we understand each other and are there fo reach other

coolsandy · Dec 21, 2014

This was like ten years ago. One day, I was travelling by train to a relatives place. My co-passenger was an elderly man, probably in his 50s or 60s. Though I am a reluctant to talk to strangers, he was very much a talkative person and engaged me in his conversations. I hardly remember what the conversations were about. But, one thing lingers and will always linger in my mind.

He said, "I have been roaming all around the country, courtesy my business. I made a lot of money. But, I always feel I never gave enough time to my wife". I can still see that repenting face and that sad tone as I write this.

Yes, I do help my mom too, most of the times. On a different note, being over enthusiastic, it bounces onto me and I end up getting scolded for spoiling the work. lol

Viswamitra · Dec 22, 2014

Dear Vijiakka,

Thank you you for your response. Your husband is a natural service provider and how can he be any different at home? There is so much to learn from him. He is a Yogi being simple and service-minded. You are a great mother and no wonder your children express their honest view about you. You are a great couple complementing each other well.

Viswa