Where Is Life Going....

I can empathize with you, for your personal losses... you mentioned about neck pain and weak hands, if you have a medical problem than take treatment for it....you have to come out of your self-pity mode for sake of your kids...

Your husband is not same person as your family, his way of showing love would be different than your family...dont compare these 2 with each other...From your description, he seems to be a nice and caring person. Its just that he enjoys being at home. There are many people like that. Marriage is about adjusting to each other nature. .he helps you in every situation, care enough to drop you and pick you, these kind of gestures will go long way in road of life than going out and enjoying....

for outings talk to him and negotiate with him for frequency of outing where you both will go out, may be once a month or 2 month or 3 month...persuade him, lure him, ask for his preferences, do things what he likes....may be he develops some kind of liking for outings when he goes out with you once a while....be lovey dovey with him.... if he doesnt show his care, you show your love and care to him....

 

Dear OP,

I am sorry for your loss. It is very hard to experience these kind of things. But you cannot do anything except accepting the fact and moving on.

You have a sister, Husband & kids, atleast for their sake you have to change yourself.

First of all, go and see a doctor and go for a complete health check up. Follow the doctor's suggestions and use the medicines if the doctor prescribes any.

Also it is better to go for a counselling. It will help you to recover fast.

As for your husband, you have to appreciate him for whatever help he is providing to you. Every one is not same, and every one cannot express their love & affection in the same way. He may not be verbally expressing that, for he is trying his best to express that in the form of helping you. So try to see the positive angle and appreciate whatever your husband is doing.

Most important, go and see a doctor ASAP.

 

@Kokila1980, please accept my sincere condolences for your losses.

You sound understandably depressed and in need of medical help. Do see a doctor ASAP.

 

I am very sorry for your losses. It is hard when you lose your family, and in such quick succession. But you have to come out of it. The first step is to have gratitude for what you do have.

Now, from your maternal home, you have only your sister. Bond with her. Be greatful for the sister you have. If you mourn about people who have gone, where is the time for you to treasure those who are alive and with you? I read somewhere, you cannot start a new chapter in your life, if you keep re-reading the old ones. It makes perfect sense. Let the past go. Your mourning is not going to bring them back.

You DH is your DH. His love different from your mother's love, your father's love, your sister's love and your brothers' love. Every kind of love has it's place, trying to fit one in the place of other is futile. It will never happen and to top it, you are not able to enjoy his kind of love either. He is there with you, treasure him. Accept his love in his way and let him know you love him too. Be greatful for your DH

Your children are depending on you. You have to be strong for their sake. In your grief, you neglecting their needs for a happy, peaceful childhood. An unhappy childhood will affect their psyche, whether or not, it is obvious. Let this grief end with you. Enjoy their childhood. They will grow up pretty soon. Treasure them.

As for your health issues, it is most likely a result of your mental and emotional state of mind. Change that and you will heal, physically and mentally. Go to a doctor in the meantime, get it checked out.

Good Luck. Practice Gratitude

 

Your tension and your worry is very normal. Your tragedy was too huge to accept and have control with. I know your mind is elsewhere. It takes time, and sometimes it is better to get some professional help to heal.
PTSD is very common now a days.

Take care of your health. Meditate and participate in mind changing programs like Yoga.

 

I feel sorry for your losses.
I think you underwent a lot and you need counselling to come to terms with reality. Go to a doctor get full medical health checkup and follow the instructions. Take professional help and bounce back to life.

 

Your problem is that tragedy has struck for you one after the other, there by leaving no room for any positive thoughts. You should not let your personal tragedies seep into your family life. Your husband is actually very supportive from your description. Just pray and hope that everything will be alright. In any case, if something has to happen, your depression, frustration or worry will not solve the problem or prevent anything from happening. Just enjoy the moment and live in the moment. Don't think about tomorrow. It is natural to get the feeling that if you enjoy and take it easy, things may turn bad, but that is just a belief, a mental block, that's all. Try to be happy.

 

Dear Kokila, what you have described is indeed a very painful series of events that would be deeply distressing for anyone. I am sorry that you have to suffer through all that. However, my aim in writing this reply is something more immediate.

I would strongly encourage you to seek medical attention, from someone who is familiar with the inheritance patterns of cardiovascular disease. It is unusual for two siblings to be struck down with a heart attack at a young age. It may simply be a statistical anomaly; but then again, there are certain cardiac illnesses that have a genetic component and run in families (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy for example). Please collect all information you can obtain on your mother's illness; for example, cardiomyopathy can lead to fluid accumulation in the lung - so what seemed to you to be a lung ailment could have other underlying causes. Also, what was your father's illness?

Please see a physician right away. Cardiovascular disease can be managed if discovered early. I know this might sound alarming to you, but if this note motivates you to see a physician, then I would still consider my intrusion somewhat justified. In situations that are overwhelming, such as yours, it is often a good idea to first focus on things within your locus of control. So, go see your doctor right away. Take steps to ensure that you are, and stay, well.

Good Luck!