where is Humanity??

Ooviya · Aug 6, 2012

Hi Friends,

Already i posted a thread reg.my Hubby's family.. ur suggestions are boostup me.. all are very helpful to me.. Once again i need ur help urgently..

My FIL and BIL are money minded and mean minded.. they want more and more from us.. but they dont spend single paise for us..If once refuse am unable to do this, afterwards FIL calling his brothers and their kids spread one side only and extra fittings.. DIL is worst like that..

Yest.day is hightight day in my past 3 yrs married life..FIL kept my jewels around 300 GRAMS in his locker.. friday v want our jewels.. bcs i found out he is not genuine in money matters..2 years back v bought 5, 50,000 cash for our house.. v promised return ASAP.. after one year he asked interest for bal. amount..i refused to pay int.. finally v settle 5.25 lackh.. yest.day FIL told come and settle bal.amount and get back ur jewels..v went his home with cheque.. he accepted it, then asked from my hubby he asked give me that chain its my money.. i refused to give.. bcz its his amma's chain.. (my FIL had 2 wives.. both r dead.. one is suicide bcz of his torture) I asked him then where is his mom’s jewels and what share for him.. he replied I sold out all.. he throw a bunch of paper I spent this much for ur hubby, do u want share from me.. see all.. I shocked.. FIL having 3 sons.. he gave 10L fd for his first son.. he is unemployed and unmarried..then gave his home for 3<sup>rd</sup> son..now his monthly sal is around 20,000 only.. he is a pentioner..so no share for my hubby…my hubby gave him around 6L for him dad bef.marria.. then only he fixed his marriage..sill he showed me d papers reg.his study and food exp.. is he correct?? Genuine??

He immediately told me get out from my home, if u don't give that chain i will come to ur flats and spoil ur name..he used this term in tamil "MARIATHTAI KETTU VIDIM, VELIA POO".. My hubby watching everything didn't speak a single word.. he gave that chain and came back to my home.. One ring is missing.. i told my hubby..he asked me sorry, bcz my father is a mental and like that only.. don't take it serious..

Tell me,

1.After my marriage, my hubby told me leave ur job and take care of my family.. i told ok

2.after 6 months, v moved very closer to them, buy home near
to my dad' house.. i told k..

3.give food for my dad and brother daily.. i told ok.. i done

4.search bridegroom for my brother and make arrangement.. i done..

5.They r money minded but v want them people for our kid.. i told ok..

so all pains and problems r for me only..no support from my hubby.. what is my mistake?? Is like this relatinships are needed for my kid in future?? do u know my mentality now?? going to mad.. AM LIVING FOR MY 1 AND HALF YEAR MY KID ONLY..AM EARCHING HUMANITY?? WHERE IS IT??:bowdown

Ooviya · Aug 6, 2012

64 viewed.. but no one???

sokanasanah · Aug 7, 2012

Ooviya said: ↑

AM SEARCHING HUMANITY?? WHERE IS IT??
Click to expand...

Dear Ooviya: The simple answer to your question is: "In you".
Nourish your own good self and starve the destructive thoughts and anger.
I think your father-in-law is irrelevant. He does not live with you, so it should be possible to move away. Your husband is at fault here, for not protecting you. Forget the jewelry. I do understand very clearly that it's not the money. I can see that in situations like this we feel terrible because we have been taken advantage of, our good instincts have been violated. It's like being mugged for 20 bucks. Not a big loss, but it feels awful all the same. It's an 'invasion'. I do understand that, OK? But let that stuff go. Pretend you have been mugged at gun-point. Put it out of your mind.
But you must cut off relationship with your father-in-law and brother-in-law. No borrowing money from them or going to them for favors. This perpetuates the cycle of obligation and increases their hold on you. You need to assert your independence and shield yourself. You would not leave all your windows open in a thunderstorm would you? Why expose yourself to these other evil winds?
Your pain comes through loud and clear to me in your post. Now you need to get it across to your husband. If you are to regain your sanity, move as far away as possible from his family.
If your husband cannot see this, then you need to reassess your marriage and your other options. Anyone who can threaten to embarrass you or slander you for a chain - (where do these people come from??!) - is not worth another thought.
Forget the father-in-law and brother-in-law. Try to rekindle the humanity in your husband. Keep your distance, soften your emotions for your child. Anger and frustration are very corrosive. Children can sense even things they don't really understand. Don't expose yourself to situations that promote negative emotion.
When you feel sad, watch these clips (and related clips)
Thich Nhat Hanh: compassion and suffering - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJkzvM_l8VQ&feature=relmfu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMhdrJNXrzA&feature=related
I suggest this as an example of a very gentle voice and yes, the 'humanity' you are searching for.
Be gentle with yourself. Only if you are able to hold yourself gently, will you be able to hold your child gently as well.

soulful · Aug 7, 2012

you have been cheated and that is bad - you can't forget but you know what? all that anger and grudge only hurts yourself. YOU are the only loser. Nobody else. not you FIL, not your BIL, not your DH. You have to let go. It is not easy, but not impossible either. This I have realized after many many mistakes. Whenever you feel sad about what your ILS have done to you, divert your mind and heart to somethign very beautiful, something that you love doing. music, painting, cooking - anything that makes you happy. YES, read THAT twice. anything that makes YOU happy.
Dont worry about the world. If you want to work, work. concentrate on YOUR child, concentrate on YOURSELF. LEt YOUR life be about YOU and all those you care about. Live in the present moment. one very important way of living in the present moment is meditation. calm your mind, go to a quiet place and meditate. it is difficult to concentrate initially. your thoughts will wander and you will know that they are wandering. but after some time it becomes possible to meditate and you will be surprised when you realize that you could actually meditate and you actually feel peaceful. Don't give up - Happiness is in YOUR hands alone, no one else's

when you feel deprived about your DH's share in the property - tell yourself, that may be you owed them in the last life and now you are repaying.. there are better things than wealth in this world and thats why God has decided to give you those better things instead of some paltry pieces of Gold.

riyagan · Aug 7, 2012

Hugs to u Ooviya... i understand ur feeling... it happens in most of the households.. hope things will get better for u soon though not through hubby through some miracle and God!

Ooviya · Aug 7, 2012

Thanks a lot all of you.. i will shift my home in next month..already decided it...ATLAST I LEARNT " RELAIONSHIP IS MEANINGFUL WHEN V KEEP A DISTANCE"...