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Where do you stand on the Ethics of Organ Donation?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sweetshreya, Oct 29, 2012.

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  1. Oct 29, 2012 #1
    sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    This is happening in the life of one of our family friends....

    The wife (35 yr old) may need a kidney. Her brother (32 yrs old) is prepared for the donation. But his wife, children and in-laws are dead against it. Brother's wife says, if it comes to it, SHE will donate the kidney, but in no way the only earning member of the family risks his life and jeopardizes their livelihood.

    We have seen in this forum how wife objects if large amount of money is given to in-laws. Even we have advised many times to somewhat restrict the flow of the money, if its spent unnecessarily. Where do we stand on above situation?

    We are applauded If we want to donate an organ to someone (even if it is to the hated MIL). But what should be our stand if our loved ones are to do it for others? Means, when not only ours but also our children's, their future, is dependent on this decision.

    Is the brother's wife being selfish or selfless or is it only about money?
     
    sweetshreya, Oct 29, 2012
    sweetshreya, Oct 29, 2012
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  2. Oct 29, 2012 #2
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Organ donation is not life threatening. Esp kidney. Its only when the remaining kidney fails at a later point in time that it becomes an issue. But anticipating something that may or may not happen tomorrow we cannot stop doing the right thing today. Its the brothers right to take the decision. Not his wife's choice.

    Earning a livelihood is not the sole responsibility of the man. I cannot hold my husband hostage to my
    in capabilities. Harsh truth.
     
    justanothergirl, Oct 29, 2012
    justanothergirl, Oct 29, 2012
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  3. Oct 29, 2012 #3
    rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    Both are right on their own terms. I may be wrong...but I am on the wife's side. More so, if I was not earning. Even if I was, I would probably want to be the one before my husband. Anyway, I dont think it is possible as her kidney has to match with the recipient. Just about anybody cant simply donate, the recipient body rejects it.
     
    rose8282, Oct 29, 2012
    rose8282, Oct 29, 2012
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  4. Oct 29, 2012 #4
    SaleemaRex

    SaleemaRex Gold IL'ite

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    What would we want if it was other way around, say the husband is the one in need of the kidney, would the wife want the SIL to donate her kidney to help (as the sibling has a better chance of being a match)?
     
    SaleemaRex, Oct 29, 2012
    SaleemaRex, Oct 29, 2012
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  5. Oct 29, 2012 #5
    sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes I know only brother can donate the kidney.

    :-(Sadly, they all are quite young now. If complications are to arise, say 20 yrs down the line, they still will not be old enough. And 45-50 yrs they will need the husband even more (monetarily, at least). No wonder the wife is freaked out !!
     
    sweetshreya, Oct 29, 2012
    sweetshreya, Oct 29, 2012
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  6. Oct 29, 2012 #6
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I am the mom of two young kids, and I stay home as that was our joint decision. Kids and home are mostly my responsibility. If I donate a kidney to my brother, and in 2-3 years my other kidney fails, it will have a major impact on our family life and that of our kids and our finances and retirement plans.

    I think my decision to donate a kidney (or not) has to be a joint one my husband and I take with eyes open to our current responsibilities to siblings, self, spouse, kids and future worst case scenarios. And similarly, if my husband decides to donate a kidney (or not), that decision has to be a joint one.

    Organ donation while alive by a married person cannot be a unilateral decision, it has to be taken as a joint decision with spouse.

    ------------
    OP, Rather than forcing the woman to willy-nilly agree to her husband donating a kidney to his sister, her concerns can be heard, analyzed and alleviated. A suitable insurance policy that covers the condition of her husband being rendered unable to work (long term disability), or a sizeable fixed deposits for the donating man's kids or future kids... where there is a will there is a way. The woman is willing to herself donate the kidney shows something. If her concerns are addressed to her satisfaction, she could come around to agreeing to her husband donating his kidney.
     
    Rihana, Oct 29, 2012
    Rihana, Oct 29, 2012
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  7. Oct 29, 2012 #7
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe the woman in question and her husband have an arrangement, understanding that the provider-nurturer model works best for them. He will be the primary provider while she will be the primary nurturer.

    Believe it or not, there are many families who follow this model, and are happy doing so, and are prepared for life's worst case scenarios like his/her untimely deaths in their own ways.
     
    Rihana, Oct 29, 2012
    Rihana, Oct 29, 2012
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  8. Oct 29, 2012 #8
    cissyboo

    cissyboo Silver IL'ite

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    If the brother donates the kidney, will he get paid medical leave from his place of employment? The recovery time for donors can be as little as three weeks, but can be longer. This is the amount of time before they can safely go back to work. It is an invasive surgery, though less so than in the past. He may also find it harder to get health/life insurance after he donates, and with higher premiums, particularly if he changes jobs or employers, even with the new health care bill in the US. So the wife's concerns are valid.
    The risk of death is fairly small, but complications do occur with any type of major surgery. Has the brother already been matched as the best donor for his sister? And gone through the evaluation process? Because if he isn't a match, then all this angst and drama is moot.
     
    cissyboo, Oct 29, 2012
    cissyboo, Oct 29, 2012
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  9. Oct 30, 2012 #9
    fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    I think wife's concerns are genuine. public knowledge about organ donation is very limited in India. The first thing to be done is to educate/counseling all the concerned family members about organ donation, risks involved and everything. I am sure it will alleviate their fears to a large extent.
     
    fencesitter, Oct 30, 2012
    fencesitter, Oct 30, 2012
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  10. Oct 30, 2012 #10
    justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana. There are some calls which one is allowed to make even if the spouse is not on board. This I believe is one of them. No I dont deny its a risk or that its a hard time for all involved but the cross of knowing that one could have saved a siblings life is too much to bear.

    About single earning . I have no problem with this set up...whatever floats ur boat.
    ....But life and circumstances change ....and one needs to change with it.
    What I do not accept is depriving ones spouse of his/her freedom because of a decision that was made at a time when circumstances were vastly different.
     
    justanothergirl, Oct 30, 2012
    justanothergirl, Oct 30, 2012
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