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where do u stay more?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sushmi, May 3, 2010.

  1. sushmi

    sushmi New IL'ite

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    hi all,
    i live in US and a mother of two kids and not in job(kids are my full time job).
    when i go to india my husband wants me to stay more in inlaws house and few days in parents house though he never stops me to go there.
    if i m going for a month then ratio is 1 week with parents and 3 weeks with inlaws.
    and this time i went to india for 4 months after my 2nd baby.
    and this time also 3 months to inlaws place and 1 month with my parents..
    and in between for 2-3 days i went with my husband to my parents place.
    can any one imagine how hard it was with two kids in inlaws house.and without husband.really no help.
    in 3 months there was not even 1 day my MIL changed the diaper of the baby..and in my parents place there was hardly a day when i changed the diapers and gave them bath.
    it was just an example..
    my husband never stops me to go anywhere but he said u r married now,so this is ur home,u should stay here more,and when u live more with my mother u will know each other etc etc..
    is this always happen to u all that u hav to stay more with ur inlaws and less with ur parents when u go to india or even if u r in india but in different place.and how u convince ur husband to stay more in parents house if not more than atleast equal time period.
     
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  2. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    you should divide the time equally. ur parents have a right to their grandkids
     
  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Sushmi,

    If you are not happy with your living arrangements then why do you need to go India at all.You would rather stay in your own house and do the same work right.
    If I were in the circumstances given by you then I would choose to stay here than visiting india.
    On top of it ,your husband doesn't force then why do you need to act like good DIL.Do whatever makes you happy or divide half between both of them.
    If you try to impress some one then you won't be happy yourself.You need to prioritise which you want.
     
  4. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Both sets of grandparents should get equal time with grandchildren. So be fair and divide your time 50/50. This way, no one is slighted or offended or complains that they have not had enough time with the grand-kids! This goes whether they are your parents or his parents. Staying 75% of time with one set of grandparents is unfairly denying the other set the right to spend equal time with their grandkids.

    JMO.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2010
  5. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    No compulsions from my DH or his FOO to dictate my length of stay at either places. The ball is in my court, and I play fair. I spend 1st half vacation with ILs. next half with parents. My LO may or may not accompany me to my parents place depending on his mood/playmates available. I do not force him. So it turns out 1/3 vaction he will be with my FOO. 2/3 with my ILs. DH hardly ever stays overnight in my parents place.. I do not force DH or LO. In short, no one forces no one.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2010
  6. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    My DH let's me decide for myself and never forces me. If both of us go together, stay at ILs place & visit my parents(in the same city) together. If I go alone, I go to parents place & visit ILs.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Kids should ideally spend time equally with both sets of grandparents. Divide the time as equally as possible between the two houses. If husband is in India for part of the trip, spend that time in in-law's house. If that means husband does not visit your parents' house or only spends 1 or 2 days, it is OK.

    As kids grow older, train them and husband such that you need not be with kids all the time you people are in India. Once kids are potty-trained and about three or four plus years old, they should be able to stay in grandparents' house without mom too. This will make time distribution easier when visiting India.

    -Rihana
     
  8. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Sushmi,

    I never ran into such a situation. If it was a very short visit for 2 weeks, I will divide my stay equally. Otherwise I would spent more time at my parents place and visit ILs.

    Try explaining to your husband that you get lot of help from your mom and you get good amount of rest at your parents place (not that he is not aware of it). If your parents and ILs are in the same city, you can visit ILs on the weekend to let them spent time with their grandkids.
     
  9. divs

    divs New IL'ite

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    This sounds so perfect! :thumbsup Wish I could say the same. Unfortunately, my family's general tendency to not force anyone is more than compensated by my husband and his parents. They are quite crafty at employing smooth-talk and emotional drama to force and get things done their way shakehead
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2010

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