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where are friendly neighbours ?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by kiranmadhu, Jan 15, 2010.

  1. kiranmadhu

    kiranmadhu Senior IL'ite

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    Some of my thoughts:

    these things have been in my mind for quite a long time..probably since i moved to bangalore for my job and settled here after marriage as my husband too worked here.
    i have never felt lonely before coming here. but that's the only feeling i used to get in bangalore and even after 13 years of being here, i still feel the same.
    i have never found friendly neighbours. yes, when we meet our neighbours in common areas like corridors, playarea or lifts, we do greet each other saying hi. but then, the personal touch is missing. it's very formal. yes, IT has brought with it economic upliftment of many families. but then, something very vital for life called friendliness, helping each other etc. seem to have really gone. with in-laws not alive, sick and old parents, no sibling here and my mother tongue being tamil and not knowing hindi, with a single child, i really dread what kind of happiness i give my child. or even what kind of happiness we have in life.
    i don't know if i am alone in thinking like this. but then everybody seems to keep to themselves. just going out in their car in weekends to malls. of course, they have their parents visiting them often. but then for people like us, we don't seem to have life in this metro.
     
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  2. madras43

    madras43 New IL'ite

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    I hear you but trust me you are better of than many of us live in US! At least you are so close to your home town so if you want you can go there for a weekend. Imagine about people who live thousands and thousands of miles away in countries like US. It will take two days just to travel to India.

    Kids don't have ego so they make friends very quickly whether you live in India or abroad. It is the grown-ups who like to keep it to themselves! I think lot of our loneliness problem can be solved if we can make it a point daily to spend some time with our friends "offline"!
     
  3. kiranmadhu

    kiranmadhu Senior IL'ite

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    Yes. I understand people in US lead a lonelier life. But I was just mentioning life in indian metros. that too, when you don't have a place to go. we cannot go in weekends even if it is possible.
     
  4. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    Kiran,
    you have poured out your anguish, and i am sorry to hear you are unhappy with your relocation.
    In most metros, people tend to keep to themselves. But people always respond with a smile and a word if we make the first move. This is my experience.( I have lived in three different cities).
    I do not quite understand your statement : "we cannot go in weekends even if it is possible."
    You can always go to parks during evenings when many go walking. Anybody whose face we see more than three times in a week, is bound to smile ! From there it is up to us to pick up the thread.
    It also helps not to have set notions about any city or community.
    Your child's friends parents can become your friends.

    Books, and now the internet, can be great friends too !

    Cheer up ! Its not worth wasting life on sighs and regrets !
    :thumbsup
     
  5. kiranmadhu

    kiranmadhu Senior IL'ite

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    thanks for your response. i have nothing against bangalore. i have not been brought up in a metro. it's quite a contrast to the way i have lived in my smaller native city. our neighbours were always pretty close to us.
    i do go to the parks in the evenings and talk to almost all the mothers whose kids are my kid's age. so that way it isn't a problem. just that i feel it to be very impersonal. we have nobody calling on us unlike our neighbours who constantly have some parent or sibling visiting them or they keep going to their kin's places. we aren't blessed that way too. so that leaves me feeling low at times. i get over this and get into this in repetitive cycles:spin.
    i feel books and internet cannot take the place of a real friend.
    i am already feeling better after having lamented here. thanks for listening.
     
  6. Deaf woman

    Deaf woman Senior IL'ite

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    Kiran madhu,
    Even i used to feel the same after coming to chennai post marriage.its been 25 yrs here still i feel lonely .None can replace our kith and kin in giving solace i feel.Views differ ofcourse.You can have lots of acquaintances but having a good friend to share your thoughts will be a tough task.my :my2cents
     
  7. kiranmadhu

    kiranmadhu Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for listening to me.
    As we grow up, ironically psychologically some like me become a child, wanting all those things we grew up with.
    The friends I have made in this metro are all friends of convenience. If they need me, they talk to me.
    though i have many friends or acquaintances (people i know would be closer to being called as acquaintances rather than friends if i have to be honest), i love my childhood friends more. I love my childhood home though it didn't have even half the facilities I live with now.
    Guess those who were brought up in metros don't have a problem getting accustomed to the ways of living here.
     
  8. kiranmadhu

    kiranmadhu Senior IL'ite

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    Viji, I saw your name just now. Deaf woman ?? you aren't definitely. You listened to me in a very empathetic way. Incidentally my dearest friend's name too is viji.
     
  9. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Kiran,

    I live in US and feel same like you , moreover I dont have luxary to see my family whenever I want as I am far far from India. I miss my family and no good circle of friends here even though living for long time. I feel lonely especially in need of down moments, no one help in needy times. I had very bad experiences in this country which made me depressed. but those teach me good lessons in life to lead independantly.

    my thinking and your thinking is matching , :) even I started a thread un US/canada section same post like yours.

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/g...3533-how-friendly-your-indian-neighbours.html

    cheer up.. we are all virtual friends. we can share and be in touch through IL.

    sujatha.
     
  10. kiranmadhu

    kiranmadhu Senior IL'ite

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    Sujata,
    nice to know that there are few like you who think like me. I felt that everybody was fine with this kind of lifestyle. I am pretty much independant. I have many friends but that kind of closeness i had with my childhood friends is missing. I really love them and am in touch with them. But the friends I make here come and talk if they need you at that moment :rant.
    I am kind of used to this but if i have to be honest, i don't like this kind of lifestyle. Probably in a city where most are outsiders, this happens. As all have come for their survival, they treat the others as competition.
     

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