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Where Am I Up To?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by shubhrata, Jun 16, 2021.

  1. shubhrata

    shubhrata Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Dear Ladies,

    I am mother of 2 boys. In late 30's .Have 6 years age difference between me and DH. Recently we found that my DH sugar levels are high. He has drinking ( to a limit) and smoking habit as well. No change in this after knowing he is a diabetic. Other than that he takes good care of me and sons. The issue with us is we are asexual. He does not have any feelings for me. We just live a housemates. No hug , no kisses . He says he is not getting any sexual feel towards me. He doesn't get erections as well , he says. I dont remember when was the last time we have been together, may be last June or something. I know this all because of his stress and sugar conditions. But how long and he is not ready to correct it , other than medication. I divert my mind throughout the day with my office work, house work and taking care of kids. But at the end of the day my mind is always void. I do lot of things for the family but I dont get anything in return. I feel , I am cursed when I talk to my friends in group chat , how sexually active they all are. Nowadays I stopped watching intimate scenes in movies or scenes. I have spoken with DH many times on this. But not an inch of improvement. I dont know what to do . Be like this , through rest of my life.
    Sorry for long post. Felt like venting it out!!
     
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  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Can you convince him to exercise regularly? That helps mental and physical health too. Other remedy soak few spoons of methi seeds overnight and make him eat half spoon every morning on empty stomach. If morning not possible any time of day is ok. Hope it helps
     
  3. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like his diabetic condition has an effect on his sex drive. He has to take care of it through medications, proper diet and exercise. Being asexual doesnt mean there should not be any hug or touch. If you feel like kissing him do it. If he care about you he can sexually satisfy you. There are so many ways I believe. Have you tried to talk to him? Does he go for self sexual satisfaction ? Ask him what you should do if he is not ready to do anything.
    But he lost interest in it according to you. With age and change in health, there can be change in sex drive. But, its not normal for a healthy person, who was very active in the past to become asexual . What about you? Sometimes if women gain weight or change appearance men can loose interest. Do you sleep in the same bed. Try to spend time together. Touch often. If both of you are ready to work on it, you can consult a specialist. If he is not willing to do anything, you have to find ways to satisfy yourself. Anyway, take care of your health and beauty. Dont be shy, discuss your needs with him in a loving way, not in a complaning mode.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2021
  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    If this has been going on for a while, a guy in his early to mid 40's is heading for a serious difficulty with a life of incapacity in a few more years. Amputations, blindness are the threats that can shock a person into proper behavior.
     
  5. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    He might be having ego problem that he doesnt get erection which could be due to his stress or sugar levels or smoking and alcoholism!
    Thats why he avoids sex. You cant change him.
    He needs counselling with sex therapist.
     
  6. lavani

    lavani Finest Post Winner

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    fix drinking and smoke - need to stop completely. not on day 1. take him rehabilitation or whatever counselling you feel is appropriate.

    stop sugar completely and start with exercise. if he is ready to workout a little do it together . gym or yoga. does he watch po.r.n if he does. ask him to stop. it does not help rather does more harm.

    lot of core issues before addressing the side effects low sex drive .
     

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