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When Widowed, Are In-laws In Or Out ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Hopikrishnan, Apr 14, 2021.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If the lady sends money to her MIL or husband's siblings, she should take care to protect herself from the heartache and sorrow that can ensue after such acts. She should keep in mind the depth of wisdom in the saying: No good deed goes unpunished.

    She should be extremely clear in her mind about why she is helping them. The reasons to help should border on selfish. It can be to honor her husband's wishes or memory, to set a good example for her children, to gain some karma brownie points, because it is the right and humane thing to do.

    She should give the help with zero expectations. She should not expect that the in-laws will appreciate or acknowledge her kindness or whatever. OTOH, she should be prepared for reactions like these from them:
    "All that insurance money and retirement accounts, now she is sole owner of the house ... and sending us a pittance."

    Once the India people see that money is continuing, they can feel free to ask for bigger one time amounts. Does she want to help with those? If she doesn't, even the money that she sends regularly will be viewed negatively.

    If the MIL needs expensive medical care and hospitalization, the in-laws can expect the lady to foot the entire bill like the man would have. Does she want to do that? If she does not want to do that, then again, all her other help will be discounted.

    So, if she decides to continue the monetary help, she should reflect on why exactly she is doing that, have _zero_ expectations and be prepared for criticism from the in-laws.
     
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  2. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    If mil has no other income or has no other children to rely on, it is only fair. You cant just let her off suddenly. She is already having to greive her son.

    However, I have seen 2 times now that the parents-in-law cutoff dil one time because she might claim her husbands savings which were on fils name which they wanted to transfer to their daughter and second time when dil had a downsyndrome child as all his medical expenses will be on them ( dil was a homemaker).

    So much depends on the type of people we have on the otherside.
     
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  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes. That’s how it is unless a will is made in India. I’ve seen someone deal with this because of the amount of investments in India and the lack of an Indian will.
     
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  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I would assume that someone who hasn’t been in touch for years wouldn’t even be asked but this is a good point.
     
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  5. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    From the OP that’s the deduction I made. If someone has a fully paid off house, medical insurance, investments and 401k/IRA that has accumulated over 30 years then it’s an easy enough deduction to make.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My post was about the scenarios and requests for money that can come after the woman starts sending money regularly.

     
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  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    "Continue what the husband has been doing" seems to be the visceral reaction of many of us.
    However, if there is a lawyer for the American family, she would likely suggest that the widow stop dealing with the ex-In-laws in all manners until after the inheritance process for the india-located assets are over and done with.
    I am sure the heirs of this above case kept to themselves, with no communications or transactions of any kind, until after the India-situated estate is resolved.

    For now, the Income tax season is upon the widow. And since there may be other complicating issues, the language-gap, and whatever history that had gone by, are certainly blessings: she doesn't have to contend with communications with the ex-in-laws in her year of chaos

    I will most certainly convey the following, when we have the next whatsapp chat.

    .
     
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  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Actually no. She had to go multiple times to get the NOC signed by the PILs, which itself involved a lot of politically correct maneuvering, advertise in paper for “other heirs”, go to court to settle it etc. Took such a long time also. Learning experience for everyone else.
     
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  9. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Good grief !!

    politically correct maneuvering!!: This would be hard for a family (mom plus 3) who had always declined to accompany the man on trips to India. NOC from ex-MIL? I can see how causing delays in the transfer of house would benefit the ex-MIL and the sibling who lives in that house now.

    I am sure the US family would end up giving Power of Attorney to a local lawyer to do whatever to get them out of the legal link to the property without any additional cost.

    This is surely learning experience for many (of us) who have such property ownership connections to India. what a mess!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2021
  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes. It is. We didn’t know of all the complications of not having two wills, one in India and one in the US. I hope your friend is able to get the NOC from the MIL and is able to register the house in her name quickly.
     
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