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When Widowed, Are In-laws In Or Out ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Hopikrishnan, Apr 14, 2021.

  1. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    You are probably right about the house; foreign resident people, who cannot deal with that hassle would give it up. The property would likely go into legal limbo, unless both sides (widow and ex-in-laws) do something in a local court. I checked with an Indian lawyer, and some websites. They all grant a share of the property to the mother, but not to siblings.
     
  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    This.
    I know of familys where the inlaws and widowed dil lived together after the death of the husband amicably.

    Another case where the widowed and remarried dil still keeping a watch over previous in laws.

    There are also cases where the dil and in laws have completely cut off from each other.

    These days the parents of the women do not abandon her and often the dil gets closer to her parental family after the demise of the husband.

    In this case , there was almost no relationship between them for a decade.
    In marriage this long, usually the relations between the dil and inlaws become smoother with time .

    There has to be extreme problems or dislike between them to not be even on talking terms .
    May be the flow of money to the family in India was the reason for that .If so...the finances being stopped would make sense .
    There is no surprise in the actions taken or not taken. Anything else would be wishful thinking .
    I wonder if the husband would be expected to send money to his in laws if the wife had passed away.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2021
    Hopikrishnan likes this.
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    The mother has a share in the property. The property cannot be disposed off or transferred without her written legal consent . She has full rights to live in the house and she can pass on her share in the property to anyone she wants . After her, her share will legally pass on to her heirs.
     
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  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    There is usually a double standard in this.... it probably stems from the notion "Husband dies and leaves behind a widow; but a wife dies and leaves behind an 'eligible' man"
    Mother, Widow, and each one of the three adult children all have an equal share [relakhs.com site says so]. So the mother would get 20% of the house.
     
  5. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a heart-breaking situation.

    I think having children in the mix will make a big difference on involvement of in-laws after a spouse has passed away. In my husband's family, his oldest uncle passed away quite young leaving behing a wife with no children. While we know her whereabouts, she really isn't considered a part of the family! She gets invited to family functions etc., but just as any other third person might get invited. They were married for quite sometime, and it's not like his grandparents had any issues with her as far as I know, but still the relationship somehow just did not continue.

    In my family, my dad's older brother passed away many many years back and left behind his wife and 2 children (my cousins) and there is no difference on how close they are to the rest of the family. I in fact only remember my aunt being part of the family than my uncle even, since he passed away when I was quite young. So a lot of my memories are only centered around his widow (my aunt)! I wonder if that would have been the case had my cousins not been there! I hope not, because I can't imagine my extended family not having this particular aunt in it! I am so glad my aunt chose to keep herself connected to her husband's side of the family even though she has/had a very very supprotive network of family members on her side as well!

    As for this particular situation, I hope the younger widow continues financial support to her MIL. If the passing away of the husband/son was sudden and if the mother was completely dependent on financial assistance from her son, I wonder what would become of her without that money coming in, especially if the DIL is in a situation to be able to afford it. Both of them have suffered the loss of a loved one, and hope this will be the opportunity for them to let prior frictions rest and try and move on. If it was me, I think that is what I would do, continue financial assistance, or at least make sure that the needs of the old MIL are met, if not the sibling's family.

    I don't know if it is growing older, or this pandemic situation or what it is... but I find myself more inclined these days to let go of grudges and anger and disappointments and just make peace with situations and people in general!
     
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  6. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Her husband seems to have made her nominee in everything- so he had complete trust in her to do the needful. So for his sake , she should send living expenses to his mother, as he surely would not have wanted that to be discontinued suddenly. It is not just about what is right for her, but also what her husband's wishes would have been, which he cannot express but we can surely infer from his actions like sending monthly money regularly to his mother. He cared about his mother a lot and sincerely felt she needed that monthly money. To respect his wishes she should send atleast some money to his mother for basics.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2021
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  7. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    Putra dukham is supposed to be the worst of the griefs one can be handed. I would urge the DIL put past differences aside and send the money to the MIL. Even if she gives it to her other kids, spends it however she pleases, staying in the sons house(where she may have an equal right to if the son didn’t write a Will in india), she is enduring the worst grief possible. No amount of money sent can take that pain away. Why add to it by stopping the money. Even if she doesn’t need it, won’t it give her some sense of comfort knowing her son’s money got to her. I would rather that my adult children see me sending something for their old grandmother than keeping that money for myself.
     
  9. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    All good rationale. Especially the last one.

    I checked on the MIL's share of the property in India. She gets 1/5th share if there is no will. If there is an American will, that can be proved genuine in an indian court, then the provisions within the US will could win out. I will probably know what happened when it happens. Knowing how courts work (even under non-Covid times) it could be a long wait:
     
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    If the lady is well off and can afford to do so, then fine she can send...but if she doesn't have any regular source of income, and with increasing cost of living, even investments and income form investments may just be enough for basic expense.. and the money transfer would really cut into her savings and make her financially dependent on her children, then its a different matter and common sense would prevail over duty. Even if money is stopped, if she lets her ex MIL keep the house and forgoes her share if any, that itself is a good gesture..
     

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