When to Start Protecting your Child?

me4raj · Jun 11, 2015

Hello all,

Its been a long time since I have logged into IL. We had a new baby and managing a 4 year old and an infant is keeping me busy . But something happened recently in our life which if I share I felt may help other parents.

So flashback 2 years...

My daughter was around 2.5 years old. All news channels were flashing news items after news items about increasing instances of rape cases. Most depressing were those involving little children. As a working mother of who left her child in the daycare for a good portion of the day I was having nightmares. So I started researching on it. I found a nice animation on child sexual abuse, sat with my baby and showed it to her. she hardly understood anything. but i explained to her that if anyone tries to touch her on her lips, chest, hips or genital area, she needs to say no immediately and tell me or her daddy or her teacher. she just smiled and went her way to play. My husband was wild with me. He blamed me of putting 'sexual' content in her mind at such young age. But I stuck to my view.

There on once in a while, while bathing her I would ask her which are those zones and she would rattle it out like a parrot and we would then laugh about it.

After our son was born she was fascinated with her brother and kept trying to touch him. I told her that just as she noone is allowed to touch her she is not allowed to touch him either.

Summer-2015.

I have quit my job and am a full time mom. We stayed over at husbands brothers house for a week and came back. After we came back home my dd came up to me one day and said ' You know amma, while we were at uncles house, anna (their 8 year old son) asked me if he could touch me down there. I said no. But he kept saying please'. I tried to be calm. Asked her 'so what did you do sweety'. She told me with pride 'I hit him hard and he dint ask again'. I told her ' good that you told me. I will deal with it. You forget about it'.

When I told my husband about it he started to freak out. He went to my daughter and started shouting ' is it true, are you not lying, should I ask anna'. I pulled him out of my daughters sight and warned him that if he did that our daughter would never trust us again. Fortunately for us my daughter was too engrossed in TV to pay attention to what her father had said.

I told my husband that I would deal with this situation. The little boy is just 8 years old and he was curious. While I am proud of my daughter that she was knew what to do, I also don't blame our nephew. I realized that his parents never explained things to him because they thought he was 'too young' too.

I did not want to involve his parents as they are the kind of people who will blow things out of proportion. They would either start hitting the child or create a scene with us. So when I found the boy alone I spoke to him.I told him what I was telling my dd since two years now.

I am hoping that was the right thing to do with him as I could not think of anything better.

Finally I would say that I think its never too early to educate your child. Once the child out of the confines of our home, he/ she needs to know. They should know not only that it is wrong if someone touches them and also wrong for them to touch somone.

Regards

me4raj

Chitravivek · Jun 11, 2015

OP: I am really proud of you. What you did is so right. But I would like you to sit with your husband and do a talk about it. Contradict a child that young and asking if she is lying is really not a good way. She will never tell you the next time it happens as she may think you will not believe. I am glad your DD didn't pay attention but I think its high time you educate your husband.

Hats off to your DD.

guesshoo · Jun 11, 2015

You have done brilliantly! Your daughter is awesome too. Bless her. It is fantastic that you spoke to your nephew too. Well done.

I started telling my DD about her body from the time she was 18 months old too. I used to get reports from her in case another child accidentally touched her bottom.

i'm sorry your husband doesn't seem to be comfortable with this. Mine isn't either but he is under strict instructions to shut up and let me deal with it. He is learning slowly. My view is that my first alleigence is to my child regardless of what someone else might think of me. My husband appreciates that. I hope yours would turn around too.

me4raj · Jun 14, 2015

Thank you so much.

Rihana · Jun 14, 2015

So nice to read such a positive ending to such an incident. OP, you did everything right. Handled so well. It is usually* the case that husbands are not so into such precautions as moms are. Maybe it comes from being more aware and more cautious in our own teenage years.

I was particularly struck by how you refer to the nephew as 'our nephew' and calmly say it is not his fault too and he is just curious.

* used 'usually' very loosely here.

VanithaSudhir · Jun 14, 2015

Wow ! Good job meera. I am also impressed with the way you dealt with your nephew. I keep educating my DD too. And yes...men may not understand the seriousness. They tend to think women are over protective ..

IamLucky · Jul 16, 2015

Good Job Dear OP. I am going to follow you. Thanks for enlighten me

KashmirFlower · Jul 16, 2015

Op , u r so mature and handled so well. I really think it helps others if people like u, conduct this type of sessions for kids in schools as a volunteer / counsellor after talking to school authorities, they would love to use your services.