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When parents distribute assets unequally

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Rihana, Sep 17, 2012.

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  1. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    i guess when a sibling gets more , other sibling gets hurt...its not about money i think other sibling feels like parents were having lesser place in their heart ....thts y they gave him lesser assets...
    in our community...its the sons responsibilty to take care of parents and property should be distributed in sons only....no daughters as daughters get their share in terms of dowry and also life long they get many things in the name of traditions....
    so i dont expect anything from my father's side....and at my in laws side...my husband is only son and having 3 sisters...but i guess here property will be distributed equally....
    i guess if one sibling is not doing well then certainly parents will give him lion's share....this is how parents heart works....they cant see any of their kid in trouble...heart doesnt apply logic/rules of fairness....its just goes to child in pain...
     
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  2. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    We sure do have a lot of expectations from our parents. First the bring us in this world, feed us, educate us, get us married (boy/girl both), and then we want them to give all the siblings all the money when they are are no more. What if they want to donate all their hard earned money to charity. Will we have objections to that too, or is it a problem when the distribution is unequal between siblings ? It's their money and they should decide what to do. It a child need help or stood by them more than another, should they not help him or her ? How would we like it if someone is judging us with how we spent our money...my take their money, they should do what they want..
     
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  3. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Ya, I have seen this happening but can't help it as its our parents/Inlaws hard earned money,final decision is based on each individual(parents) mindset...
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    The one who earns more, helps more, and adjusts more receive less or nothing.

    The one who earns less, helps nothing, and never adjust receive all or most.

    Parents are also human beings, not judges.

    The fear emotional black mails, and take the easy going for granted to avoid further issues at home.

    Also, they think the one who earns more can earn more too. So no need inheritance from parents. Although there is no logic behind, this is what happens in most of the cases.
     
  5. GiJoe

    GiJoe Silver IL'ite

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    First the bring us in this world?

    Do you have kids? Let’s analyze this statement; did the kid have a choice to choose you as a parent? Did you have kids to show to this world that you can also reproduce and fertile?

    feed us

    Even animals do a better job of feeding and taking care of their offspring’s, have you seen how many kids roam around in the streets of India?

    [​IMG]

    What if they want to donate all their hard earned money to charity

    For people who have this mindset why don’t you dedicate your life to charity why bother getting married and having kids? Majority of families in India who consider themselves as middle class are just one step to be thrown into poverty. One major illness in the family can push the whole family into poverty. Even people who consider themselves as upper-middle class can be pushed into poverty if the breadwinner in their family is faced with a major illness. Everyone are not TATA’s and BIRLA’s that they have saved enough for their next generation and they want to start doing charity.

    My view:

    If you have kids and you don’t have the mindset to do anything to make them successful then you will be better off without having kids or if you accidentally had a kid please give your kid to a family who is willing to do that and are not able to have a kid.
     
  6. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    There are after effects of grudges and misunderstandings between siblings for many years even after parents pass away.
     
  7. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    Understood that this is an almost decade old thread considering that we are almost entering 2022.
    Still the topic was worth the read so went through all the past pages.

    My personal experience -
    My father had always been ideal son for his parents and is an ideal husband to my mother but i would say not an ideal father to us. He never asked a penny after his schooling from his parents and gave tuitions n earned college admissions thru sponsorship due to his extraordinary talent.
    When his father was writing will, my father refused to take a single penny n openly told his father to give it to his other brothers and sisters. After grandpa passed, till now my father's brothers respect my father as he had been a father figure to them.

    Reason why my father refused to take property -
    1. My mother could never adjust with her inlaws so dad had to be ideal husband n live separate so there was constant guilt of not being there for his parents.
    2. My father on his own worked hard and cameup in his life while his brothers are not so well settled. So my father loved his brothers a lot and was happy to give his share to them.

    Now, my father has spent a lot on mine n my siblings education n spent a lot against my wishes to get me married ( i always believed in spending 50-50 for wedding but husband side wanted my father to spend fully n my father agreed. This was hidden from me till post marriage!).
    When my brother got married, he wanted to be a perfect grooms dad so royally refused dowry though the gis side wanted to offer and did 50-50 i.e. spent 50% of equal costs in brother's wedding rest 50% by girls side.
    Now the girls family turned out to be money mongerers here. The girl manipulated my brother n my parents even before settling down in her marriage and ensured that my brother moveout n live sep. My father accepted it n even bought a house fory bro n spent a lot to get a new car on my brother's name.
    All this hidden from me. Though my brother did nothing never spent a dime on my parents never did any household chore help at home for his own mother or sister suddenly now is ready to fight with everyone to support his wife. Yes one may say he is just being a good husband...but the girl had other plans to rob all my father's money with emotional blackmailing of my brother.
    Anyways, so i get nothing n my brother got already house n car.... Reason? Already he spent a lot on my wedding (which was damn against my wish i didnt want him to spend on my wedding!!!).
    I felt so bad n unfair not that i want his money bt for the way he had been partial.
    Still when he got covid, not my brother not his wife bt me...his daughter only took care of him risking my life since none would go closer to him bt i used to cook n go n serve him check his temperature n gv him medicines etc.

    Long story short, post his recovery from covid he felt guilty so offered to help me in buying a car by spobsoring down payment!.
    It still hurts!
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I've always admired when OP's come back and post updates in threads they start. Never thought I'd get to do that one day! : )

    So, this almost decade old thread got bumped up. No surprise I guess as the issue of parents distributing assets "unequally" is so common.
    True.
    I am half-laughing at the innocence of the questions I asked. "What would/should the well-settled child feel?" LOL. Still no answers to that. Just a relief that now even in December when it gets dark so early, I can think about this without relapsing into weeks of being unable to function.

    Yes. Nothing changes. Nothing changed. There is a temporary shared sorrow when the parents pass away. Some nostalgia filled conversations do happen. But the resentment and hurt don't go away.

    In my case, to my detached amusement, after my parents passed away, a dear friend took me out for lunch. She said: "set aside a chunk of money for your sibling. forget about it. monthly some money will go to sibling and if big amount is needed, it will be there."

    Another eye-opening lesson was that even after parents are gone, the expectation of being an ATM don't die. Aunts, uncles, cousins and old friends pour in their opinions and try the emotional angle and what not to still get money moving from one sibling to another.
     
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  9. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    After reading this thread, I feel extremely lucky! My dad's story is like @PurpleRoses. My dad and mom worked and lived away from the village. My dad decided to not take his share of the farmland. He helped educate my cousins (uncle's children and mom's side family as well). He had no inheritance. All the wealth that my parents have, they have built it themselves.

    A few years ago, my parents sat all of us sisters down (we don't have a brother) and shared their will with us. Two of my sisters were given residential plots (land) during their wedding so my parents decided that the other two who didn't get a plot should get to share their house after them. My parents have an additional large piece of land (residential plot) that they decided to split equally between all daughters. I thought this was fair distribution but I later learned that two of my sisters who received land during their wedding weren't happy because they felt that they should get an equal portion in the house and the previous "dowry" shouldn't matter. I don't know if they are still resenting it or have gotten over it.

    I have decided to leave my portion. Although I do provide my parents emotional and financial support, I do not provide any physical support. Also, I feel well-settled in my life and would rather have a good relationship with all my siblings than get the money that I don't necessarily need (of course I can use it :)).
     
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  10. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    It is ok if parents give property to needy and not so well settled. Other children should support their decision happily....my view.
    Syamala
     
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