"When my baby opened eyes"

I am gonna ask a quick question.
“How about getting a baby immediately after the marriage?”
What is your answer?
Nowadays most of us prefer a big “NO”

Most of the answers go like this.
“We don’t want a baby now”, or
“let us settle down for a few years and then we will think about that” or
“we need to enjoy our honeymoon days as well.” or
“recently I joined in this new job, so……no ..no...I need to think about it.”

Reasons are many…
But just think about a time after ten or fifteen years, you are waiting in front of fertility clinics so long time everyday waiting for your turn. Think about your feelings when you see your pregnancy test pad shows a single line all the month ends after a hopeful suspected period of delayed menses.
Slowly changes the feelings of desperation to depression?

I never wanted to delay the arrival of my baby even a single day.
But still it delayed for many years.
I liked children from my teen ages and I wanted babies. When any of my aunties come to our house with their babies, I was very happy to take the responsibility of baby sitting. . please don’t laugh!!!!I can hear that…. please…stop, it is not a joke!!!
But there was no way to get a baby, later I knew that I need to marry a girl for getting babies. I become ready to marry.
But there was a problem again, I came to know that I can marry only after studies and after getting a job and all, oh damn it. I need to wait a long time up to twenty eight or thirty years old, my god!!!! What a world it is???
While crossing the hurdles, I asked my ma, “so many years to complete my course and it is not easy to get a job also…so ….so….. I can’t wait a long, I need babies, and I am ready to marry even a widow who is having two or three children. She laughed me “are you mad? See your elder cousin brothers are above thirty and still not married? Then why are you so hurry, you don’t have to remind us always... we know when you can get married.” I shut my mouth for many years.

Marriage becomes a dream for many years.
Finally she has come to my life.
Her mind, thoughts and way of thinking all were perfectly made photocopies of mine. I don’t know I am the luckiest person or she is the luckiest for getting each other. But still the baby hasn’t come…
Not only for a few years, but for many years.

I saw hope on her face (mine too) every month during a delayed period, and later changes to desperation. People around her satisfied by throwing sharp edged words aimed to her heart.
We didn’t mind anything, but started a long journey to find our baby.

We also started waiting in front of fertility clinics so long time everyday expecting our call. I came to know the fact that, gynecologists are very rare species and very difficult to meet them than a film star. Many days we waited up to twelve midnight and even three or four hours after that also. Doctors made us specimens of their experiments. Effects and side effects of many tablets made her life miserable. Years long treatment gone somewhat like this. Many cycles of clomid and metformin treatment and endless ultrasound ovary scanning throughout prescribed dates troubled us cycling up and down through hopes and despairs. But again all the negative results pushed her in to clomid and HcG injection treatments but found ineffective due to the so called symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome too. Oh my god, again that pushed her in to a Hystero Salpingo Gram test which was unimaginable painful with out an Anastasia, that we didn’t know actually, she couldn’t even move her body for two three days, and we only two there in our flat with out any helps even. The negative results of that made her to go through a laparoscopic surgery and that was the door step to many more painful post surgical days. I heard that the delivery pain is the biggest pain in a woman’s life, but she had gone through much enough before that. She surprised me and showed me how a person can survive all this pain with a smile, without any complaint and without giving up the hope till achieving the aim. I learned a lot of lessons from her. I was also like an ordinary man wanted always to be respected by my wife, but slowly I started respecting her. Once she told me that she is giving me a place with her gods, but now if I am not giving her a place with my goddesses, god will not allow me to sit in the place that she had given me. I am nothing in front of her, nothing…What ever sufferings and pains went through in my past life was nothing compared to that.

I have become a half doctor, as expert as a clinical gynecologist. When ever I get a worried call of her, I used to sit in front of the internet to search all the effects, side effects, usages, dosages, clinical name, brand name and what ever available for the hundreds of tablets she used to take and functioning of each and every organs, oh majority of my office hours spent on that. Now I am able to treat any female illness just by hearing the symptoms, but I never tried on anybody else, because I don’t know they are insured or not !!!!..just kidding, I can’t do that.

Oh my god where I have reached now!!! Actually I sat now to write about the sentimental moments of my baby opened eyes after 11th day of delivery and I was eagerly waiting to see that, because I was on a short vacation scheduled to fly back on 11th day of her delivery. (My baby was in ventilator with covered eyes for 10days after delivery).
But after writing this much, I came to know that I am not able to write anything more, because it is so painful to even remember those days again. So I decided not to write and keep it in a closed corner of our mind. Sorry for doing this…...
I have only one request to say.
There is a slogan in road safety.
“Better late than never”
I want to change in this case.
“Better fast than never” (even if you may not agree)

With lots of love:wave
Ayyan

 

Its great pleasure to see you again chitramadam and many thanks for your kudos.
Ayyan

 

Charu,
Thanks again dear for a nice fb, yes charu, its all in his hands, but still I think it is our duty to try for that instead of denying, because we may have to regret later for doing that. Rest all leave to god because he is the only authority for giving life.
Thanks charu, Ayyan

 

Dear Jaya,
As always a loving replay from you. I am really blessed by receiving your love and wishes madam.
With love, ayyan