When Mom Became Mil..

All I can think of is that reception. The bride could have worn the lehenga for some time and then changed into the saree. Sigh.
Sorry I don’t have any ideas for your predicament, OP.

 

We are nobody to judge the bride. But I think it was kindof rude of her to not wear the outfit given by her inlaws on reception. Life is not black and white. Neither is anyone's opinion right or wrong. It's all about maturity and perception to try not to insult or belittle anyone in order to show one's freedom to "wear what she wants".
Agreed its her wedding and it's once ina lifetime event for her, but being an Indian, we all are bound to follow some traditions for the sake of families or society or out of our own free will to keep the culture and tradition alive.

Many regions in India have the custom where bride is given the wedding saree/outfit to be worn on wedding/reception by the inlaws.
Now, the ideal way to avoid this whole incident would be pre wedding discussion where the groom or his parents could either sponser the outfit chosen by bride and pay for it or else give certain amount of money to the bride and tell her to buy whatever she likes on their behalf to be worn on the wedding or reception.

Anyways, as for your concerns about your mother being "future MIL".... All I want to advice here is, each one carry their own baggage of problems to be handled in life. It's better to not overburden yourself with the baggage of others that are personal to themselves and how they handle is in their hands.

Who knows your mother might actually turn up a decent MIL ? Or maybe the DIL will be smart to handle your mother in her own ways.
If not, she might join up here as well n post in Relationship with inlaws forum. Haha.

P.S. for your own peace and sanity, please avoid taking everything too seriously and do not burden your heart and mind with too much already on your plate to take care of.

 

Dear OP

This matter would have been resolved amicably if both sets of the family is sensible enough to handle a sensitive matter on a wedding function before the guests.

While agreeing with the bride & her choice of wearing her preferred outfit on her wedding, it is also important to respect the groom's family before the guests. Marriage is not just about the bride & groom, but about two families & their prestige in our society.

If I were that bride, I would have definitely stood on my grounds to wear the chosen lehenga. But convinced the groom's family the reason & practical problem behind my choice.
1. It is my dream, and I have spent a lot of money & efforts in planning & finalizing my wedding outfit. This is just one off moment in any girl's life. So, I want this to be my choice.
2. I have planned together with the make up artist and the hall interior decorators to arrange the make up, style & decorations to match with my lehenga. I have brought my accessories and everything in that connection.
It would seem odd if I change the outfit now.

But, I would have definitely incorporated their wishes into consideration. I would have definitely accepted their gift dress, and wore it on the same stage for their pride.
I would have given them the happiness of seeing their bride/DIL with their cloths, and made them stand for photographs without any hiccups.

It is just a matter of 20 mins or so to change outfits and having two outfits in reception is not uncommon.

It was a wedding function. The function is to bring different families together as one. The bride's stubborn nature will have a serious impact in her marriage life down the line.
Soon her lehenga will worn out, but the bad memory will last forever in his H's in laws minds. This is not healthy to start with.

Therefore, your mom is not wrong. No woman wants a disrespecting DIL, that too before guests.
Find a humble, adjusting human being as a wife of your DIL. This will help both your mom & brother down the line.

Being strong doesn't mean being arrogant.

 

Going against inlaws on the first day of marriage will pave way for lot of friction in future. She could have worn the saree and lehenga like others have suggested

your mom expecting her DIL to obey her is not a crime, not all MIL are monsters. They do advice on certain important things which we can follow. No harm.

 

Step motherly treatment to DIL & ovrely attached treatment to own daughter or daughters prevails from primordial times. For any given issue, mother side with daughter provokes DIL. For DISCRIMINATION by mom - laters son often remain reticent or and indifferent.

Corollary- A friend of mine was complaining to me that his highly educated spouse helming a prestigious group behaves like a MIL treating him like a DIL. HE FELT HE HAS TURNED A DOORMAT.

 

Well..it is completely upto the bride to wear what she wishes.It is her day after all!

However..I don’t know how she voiced herself though..was it curt or was it assertive..coz a little bit diplomacy is needed in life with relations unfortunately unless it gets bad.

Again..your mom or in-laws are just operating by their mental conditioning heard and what they are seeing around.It is because of their insecurity.It does not mean they are bad people.It is about insecurity.

Same in many DIl case..insecurity.

There has to be a balance in life.Litlle but on both sides certain understanding is needed.It is very tough to find that balance.Or atleast one of them should be emotionally stable enough to understand how things will work.

Maybe u as a daughter can talk to your mom and make her understand how the dil will feel.

Hopefully the girls parents also tell their daughters what reality is and be balanced.

Independence does not mean doing whatever one wishes.It is about feeling secure and balanced and handling things clearly.

we will have issues but little bit adjustment and patience will go a long way in life

 

Wow..short and correct statement malstrom!

 

.

 

Well said!