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When Kid Can't Speak Mother Tongue Or Father Tongue

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Rihana, Jul 11, 2017.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    For parents with a child who can't speak the family's mother-tongue or father-tongue fluently, and most likely won't ever, do you have any regrets?

    Do you feel the child is missing out on something? What is this something? Is it language, culture and identity? More?

    How do you deal with the regret? Or, are you fine with it - you tried talking at home in your language when child was young, and it didn't work out, English or other language crept in. So be it?
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I had some regrets. Not any more. I know I tried. And, even without fluency in mom's or dad's language, child has picked up and has quite some interest in India's history, culture and mythology etc.
     
  3. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Check out this child Maya at a little past 14 min...
    For my own kids, I am glad that they are able to do well enough in one language - that of neither parents. They are curious about ancestral cultures, but not overly so. Just too darn many things to occupy their minds. Heck... even I am not all that good at india's languages.

     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2017
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  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    I am not very sure of mother tongue but I most certainly feel the necessity to teach some Sanskrit. If I work hard enough, I could use the next two years - though I was fortunate to have a strong foundation in Sanskrit in elementary school, it is only in high school that I showed more interest. So I hope that there is some hope ;-)
     
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  5. Hansa78

    Hansa78 Bronze IL'ite

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    Well, when family speaks in mother tongue you do feel more connected.. It does remind you of your roots and origin. But in certain circumstances, depending on the place you live, children can pick up the language spoken around and slowly as you said might wash out the fade of mother tongue.

    Speaking in mother tongue is not a measure of their culture or traditions, but as they grow and get matured children do get interested about their roots and origin. As they travel more and meet more people they bintehat ecome inquisitive about their origin when they see other nationalists speaking in their mother tongue.

    If you feel they are already grown up, it's fine even if you don't converse. But continue to show videos in mother tongue that might grab their attention. Let them have knowledge about their culture, tradition and famous personalities of their nation. It always creates a sense of pride in them and boosts their confidence.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2017
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    My son doesn't speak the mother or father tongue.
    The reason being,
    I speak a different language,
    My home is trilingual
    my dh's is different,
    His home is bilingual
    My Dh n I speak two different languages together,
    His school's was different,
    his friend's were different,
    we lived in a multicultural environment,
    so there were many languages around,
    and the poor lil thing was so confused that as a toddler he struggled to get even one word out.
    So doc said stick to one language till he's able to communicate. Then later on teach the rest.

    So though it was done for the right reason, it's still a lil hard for me to digest that he can't speak my language as I really have the love for it.

    He struggles to communicate with our relatives circle, esp the elderly, traditional or native relatives n their kids who speaks only their native language. I feel he misses out on that though he meets them rarely. And I have to keep translating. This is my regret, him not being able to communicate with his own extended family.

    I am still trying to teach my language and push my dh to teach his too as he's still young. I have hope n am eagerly awaiting the day when he can hold a conversation of his own with the elders from both the sides, which requires him to learn two different languages.:rolleyes:
     
  7. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Good topic.

    I grew up in the US, and was encouraged by mother (who happened to teach Tamil on the weekends) to speak in Tamil with the family. But the natural, default way that I think is in English. When interacting with peers, English is spoken language of choice, even with other Tamil people (unless they are from India or a generation older). I only speak Tamil as fluently because my husband insists that we speak in Tamil. Anyway, as my son grows, I can see him not speaking Tamil as fluently, because there would be no real need for him to. His grandparents understand English and even I am not able to speak Tamil without littering English words all over the place.

    When it comes to language, it is highly linked to how we think. When I speak in English, I am my normal personality, but when I speak in Tamil, because of the way my mom has used proper terms of respect, I am far more respectful and docile (even mentally). There is a lot of culture that is absorbed just through language. The terms of endearment is different and how we address elders (Mama, Athai, Uncle, Aunty), determines closeness. Tamil is far from docile for other people and sounds a bit rough depending on who is speaking (like my Inlaws). Regardless of what I hoped, my son will always have a different relationship to Tamil than me. His perception and the way he understands people would vary greatly.

    I think it's really good for children to know/understand another language (/another perspective), but I wouldn't be sad, if my own son doesn't have the same fluency. As long as he has respect for the language and sees the value of maintaining his knowledge.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Why did you edit your post n times? I had composed a response for each version in the mind and by the time I logged in again, post was edited. : )

    Nice poem by the girl. White House and all that in the video makes me nostalgic for the times when visiting the White House was an honor and parents did not have to worry before sending girls there for a visit. : ) : )
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2017
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, there remains something elemental that is missing. We can reconcile to it but once in a while the thought does come up. Funny thing is that one gets used to not having a spouse speaking the same language, and then along comes a bigger adjustment -- child who does not speak one's language.

    The "push my dh to teach his too" reminded me of this article: Mother Tongue? Father Tongue? What’s it all about? (last two paragraphs in case it is too long to read).
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Good post, BhumiBabe. When it comes to such topics, your experience is unique as you grew up here and are now a parent.
    True.
    A related example -- English has only 'you'. No tum/aap differentiation.

    Aisa kya? Is it so? : ) Recently an esteemed member found himself in a little bit of hot water when remarking about the audiences of a certain kind of music. : ) So, I will refrain from further examination of above opinion. : )

    Exactly.. with each generation, the relationship between child and language changes (mostly gets diluted..) and sometimes we can't help it.... and so be it.....

    Nice. And you've reached this state of thought while he is still very young..
     

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