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When is the right time to have kids

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by monlisa, Feb 22, 2008.

  1. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    When is the right time to have kids?

    We have been married for 21/2 years .My husband is good and loving person. When we first married we came to the decision and wanted to plan for kids after 3 years. He explained me every thing why he wants to wait for 3 years and so..I said ok because even i have to settle down here and want to be independent….

    Last few days back I asked him to come to decision to have kids…then he said the same previous story and wants to wait until another year…

    What you guys do in this situation?
     
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  2. dsrini

    dsrini Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Monlisa

    I deleted my previous message coz it was totally irrelevant to ur question(It was about My Pregnancy planning, Conceiving etc.,etc.,,,,)

    Sorry about that.
    Now coming to ur question Please have a open talk with ur DH that will help u but if it doesn't work write an email about ur feelings (send it to his office/company ID), lot of times this has worked out very well for me.

    Others have give u wonderful reply.
    Hope all these helps
    DSrini
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2008
  3. rose04

    rose04 New IL'ite

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    Hi Monlisa,

    There is no good time or bad time to start a family.

    According to me, life is full of twist and turns. Once you start your family early, u can start saving for them and morever i beleive that you and your husband will understand better, the love between you will grow . And there is also one more thing for ladies the age factor.

    All the best .
     
  4. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Monalisa,

    You are having right doubts. Your answer lies in your husband's explanation. If he is giving same reasons he was giving three years back, have a clear and heart to heart talk with him. why he is feared to have kid? He may have some other deeper reasons.

    I am of the believe , both the partners should be ready to shoulder this added responsibility and enjoy the fruit of their efforts. If its one pushing another to go for kid, chnaces are things may worsen after kid. Having kid is atleast two years ordeal and you both would need each other's support. Trying to conceive, goign through nine months , delivery and so many after kid responsibilties. Dont force your decision on him. Talk with your husband openly. And try to arrive at common decision.

    Whats right time for one, may not be right time for other couple. With US immigration and managing to secure home and career, there are often other concerns running deep. So make sure you take both of you along for this decision making process.

    Ria
     
  5. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Monlisa,

    I don't think there is any right time to have kids. For a women it is best to have a child before 30. The quality of your eggs goes down as your get older. Once you reach 35 docs will recommend doing an amniocentesis to check if the child has no birth defects. As a women grows older the chances of the baby having down syndrome increases. I had my child after 5 years of marriage. I finished my Masters, worked for a few years and then only decided to have a child.

    Thanks,
    Kavya
     
  6. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for your valuable suggestions. He says me that we are young and want to enjoy our life and he wants to be financially stable....I think we are financially stable .....we are planning to buy home soon...and we both are working in a good companies and he is doing his MBA.... I am 26 now and want to have two kids..and thought this is the best time for me to have kids but he wants only one kid and says that there is still time to have kids....

    I saw people who are going through problems while conceiving i don't want to go through that and want to take correct decision....

    any suggestions convincing him would be appreciated....:help
     
  7. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    I'm also in a similar situation. I'm 27 years old and this march 15th is our second anniversary. I want to have two kids. But the problem is my husband wants to wait as he is doing his MBA as a full time student in MIT. Basically I'm the bread earner in my family now. He says we dont have time for kids now. We can wait another 2 years by when he shall complete his MBA. But from other students on campus I heard that after MBA, people get even more busier. So I dont understand when is the good time??
    Should I wait or no?? I dont get it...please help
    -Priya

     
  8. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hu Hydgrr,

    What I can suggest from my personal experience is that its better to wait till your hubby completes his MBA. When he is studying full time, he will be busy days, nights and weekends including holidays preparing for exams, assignments, presentations etc. So it will be difficult for him to devote time to the baby and you after delivery...you might feel like a single parent sometimes...

    Also there is the financial angle...once you have the baby, and you want to continue working, you'll have to shell out quite a bit for a good daycare. Which might be a little tough if only one person is working right now.

    About being busier after an MBA, I don't quite agree...it might be true in a handful of cases where a person joins an investment management firm where they require you to work 12-15 hr days but other than that I haven't heard of it...the evenings would be free and usually the weekends are free...

    So think about everything once again...discuss with your hubby and then decide...

    love,
    Aarushi
     
  9. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Aarushi for the reply.
    But somehow i'm still scared to wait. since 29 is very late i guess and there might be some complications also at a latter agae.
    Lets see how it works out since i still in process of convincing my husband.
    -priya
     
  10. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Mona,
    I tried sending u a private message but my message is not going through. Please send me a mail at priya.rachak@gmail.com
    i ll send u my land line num.
    -priya

     

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