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When Do You Want To Retire..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by sumalynux, Mar 12, 2017.

  1. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks dear..

    Yeah I was wondering why some got offended and kinda started advocating like their decision of going to job is best and Sahm is foolish thing to do...

    I Even re-read my post to check if I have advocated Sahm role n put down going work
    No I don't.. I was just trying to find women's plans of retirement..

    Some went on to tell I am not clear in my decision and I will and should change my decision.. Where I had not even asked if my decision is correct??

    Thing is I had seen so many examples around me deciding to quit professional roles after marriage, after having kids and some badly wanted to quit but waited till finish emi commitment and quit in 40s..
    I don't know, but I didn't come across anyone who worked till 60's.. I think my mil is the longest working example I saw who worked as college lecturer till 55 then took vrs. My sil mom took vrs at 50 from bsnl.


    Recently I was telling my decision of not working Anymore with my mom and also link in my first post triggered question..
     
    anika987 and happygolucky22 like this.
  2. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Came across this blog written by some mother....

    It had been a successful 8 plus years of work in IT industry for me. Even when motherhood came calling I did not face any hiccups as such in my professional life.

    As soon as play school started for my toddler he started falling sick frequently. "Its pretty normal", everybody said. With my husband being away most of the times on overseas assignments, it became a challenge to manage both work priorities and nursing a sick child back at home. As helping hand i had only my maid to fall back on.

    And then things turned worse and my 2 year old got acute gastroenteritis. Imagine the horror i felt when i came back from office one day and found my son not even moving any more. Win constant vomiting and loose motions he was completely dehydrated. I called my neighbors and rushed him to hospital. They admitted him immediately and IV drip was started. My son was howling and screaming when blood was drawn from his vein. Seeing him in so much pain I too started crying.


    To take his mind off the IV needle, medicines, injections etc I started narrating him stories. 3 whole day and night I was in the same set of clothes, eating in the hospital, sleeping on the couch beside my son, holding his hand and massaging his palm when it became swollen. On request the nurses would remove the drip sometimes and I would carry my son and roam around in the hospital corridor dragging my dead tired body.




    He recovered and on the 4th day we were discharged. He was so happy to be back at home. But his body was still very weak. His hemoglobin had dropped to 8.4. His doctor advised utmost care and attention to diet.

    I joined office after 5 grueling days. I asked for some more days to be with my son but they flatly refused. Not only that since i had been on leave for a week they removed me from the project itself. A new project with new team and new manager was assigned. When I informed my new manager that I cannot work late as my son is not very well, he again removed me from the project. I wanted a sabbatical but was refused on grounds that i need to complete minimum 2 years in the company whereas I was short of 2 months.

    Realized that very instant how tough it is to ride 2 boats at the same time especially when there is a storm. I was in 2 minds, should i quit or should i not.

    I consulted my friends and family about what should i do in such a condition. Everybody advised me not to let go of such a lucrative job. Lucrative to me in terms of money but not career wise, i explained.

    In the meanwhile my husband returned home. I consulted him but the final decision had to be mine. He did not want to force anything on me.

    While i was still indecisive, my son fell ill for the 4th time in 2 consecutive months. Again rounds of doctors and hospitals started. My company became all the more non cooperating. Cant really blame them. Every alternate week I was either late, leaving early or on leave.

    My son was sinking and so was my career. And that moment i decided "Enough is enough". The very next day i submitted my papers. After resigning I informed my husband. He was happy with my choice and just said these beautiful words to me "Dont worry I have your back covered. If not for our son you also need a break for yourself. You deserve it." Hearing his words tears started rolling down my eyes. Felt like a huge load was off me and I finally could heave a sigh of relief.
     
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi @sumalynux, thanks for the tag and the request for my opinion in this regard.
    Sorry for the late response, as I was holidaying with family.

    Interesting topic.

    Break from a career is always a personal choice, depending on your love/attachment for the career, financial need, and condition of the family.

    For me, my career is not just a financial source to upgrade our life style. It is definitely more than that. It gives me a sense of achievement, satisfaction and a second world to live than what is usually surrounded by us.
    My career is my identity, my success and my support.
    So, I love my career a lot.

    Having said that, I too was compelled to leave this wonderful career when my family needed me the most. That's when I was forced to prioritize between my career and family, and obviously like any mother would do, I too opted to stay at home.
    I had so much to keep my self occupied during that time. More so, I was very creative thus joined yoga class. I learnt cookery and started doing something different on a daily basis. I started trying my hands on interior decor and was appreciated by many about my choices.
    We were financially doing well, and I was somewhat settled with whatever I've got from my work place as settlement when I broke the contract.

    However, there was still a vacuum. I was busy more than before though. But I did not feel i was doing something interesting or something challenging or something to call it remarkable.
    More so, I missed the social pride and the fame I was enjoying while I was in my career.
    I slowly felt I am getting outdated, and my circle is moving around without missing me.
    It felt really sad.. I failed to make new friendships though I utilized my times this time to meet up friends and relatives, as I used to be always busy before.
    Even then, they all had their own circle without me, and they never bothered to include me - or at least i felt so.
    I could not connect much with the stay at home moms in my circle either, though they would be much happy to have me around - again my guess though.

    That's when I sat with my H to decide for my future.
    Because I felt that I am loosing myself, though my idea to stay at home was reasonable.

    After almost 2 years of wait, I have ensured certain things to balance my work and family lives.
    I still do the cooking, cleaning and all the stuff that I would do for my kids, that includes bathing them, teaching, and what not. It is a lot of hard work and sometimes I feel really stressed and exhausted too. But on the other hand, I have helpers around to support me with the other chores in the house.
    I pay them, and rely on them.
    I utilize my support system; thus I've learnt to see only the positives of them.
    For ex: Having MIL nearby and getting her fullest support when it comes to raising kids has its own issues, but on a broad way it is really helpful to keep me sane with my career.
    My MIL, mom and others help a lot too.
    My H shares the chores equally.
    With all this, I've re-joined my career with some flexible arrangements for now. From mid-this year, I will be moving to my original career and I hope things will be settled down for the good.
    At least I am happy and maintaining my sanity. This keeps me active and helpful though I am considerably tired physically.

    I couldn't have it otherwise.

    So, I conclude.. It depends.

    The ones who works just to have a job and money, might not actually have passion in their career. So, the mere financial settlement would be enough for them to stay at home and feel happy. Some actually like to stay at home, but end up going to work for external reasons.
    Some do not enjoy the work they do.
    Some have pressing need at home - a disable kid or sick spouse or elderly parent.
    So, it depends.

    In my case, me and my career are inseparable.
     
    KashmirFlower, sumalynux and DDream like this.
  4. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for sharing your plans and opinions with us..
     
  5. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    I am nearing 40 and have a toddler. I had my late and got laid off right when I was finally planning to settle in US and buy a home.
    Inspite of good experience and resume and good preparation, I did not get job ( many did not work out for me ). All this broke me after 6 months of job searching. So I became SAHM taking care of toddler doing all household studd.
    In pregancy, I was like I will join back with in 30 days. I was work alcoholic. Getting back to work after kid, again same life started as kid was taken care of. Now at home, after laid off, taking care of toddler, I think this is most difficult job on earth and I think how would have i managed my work/office ( if it had been there) and toddler ( who is super active and will soon go to school), her timings, food/lunch , cooking cleaning. So I am already planning retirement.
    H tells me to get back to work after couple yrs But I think after 40 , I do not want to be interviewed by kids or desis anymore.
    I am exhausted everyday but my kid is getting fresh food. When she was growning up from infant I used to think if she would be living on bread like us. ( When we were working, we used to eat that mostly for bkfast)
     
    sumalynux likes this.
  6. NirmalaGoofy

    NirmalaGoofy Gold IL'ite

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    Retirement thoughts and priorities are different for everyone. Some people cant stay at home and like the work atmosphere. Some people have financial commitments. So they have no option of retirement. From the beginning I was very clear about one thing. I cannot let my children in Day care and would like to cherish their childhood. My husband was very supportive and we managed with one salary by living within our means. After a long break finding a proper job was very difficult so found a part time low paying job. Now I can spend time with my children and also enjoy the work atmosphere. Also I love to learn crafts and this gives me the opportunity to do the things I enjoy to do.

    One of my relatives made good money by working in the US and UK. Saved a lot. She is a very nature loving person who cares for earth. So retired at 30, went back to India with her two daughters, bought a farmland in a village near coimbatore, does crafts, volunteering work, teach poor kids, home school her daughers and does small farming. That gives her happiness. Her husband works from home.

    I dont want to work until 60s. There are lot more things to do in life for me than working for a corporate as a slave for money. Once my kids graduate and can take care of themselves, I should be able to get out of workforce and enjoy other things in life. Retirement from work does not mean I will be sitting 24 hrs at home and become a caregiver.

    Retirement thoughts are different for each and everyone. Personally, I dont want to write off my life to a corporation.
     
    anika987, sanjuruby3 and sumalynux like this.
  7. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    I loved what you said.
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks for tagging me and sorry for late reply.

    One retires when one stops breathing:)

    That’s what I think.

    Retirement has got nothing to do with a “job which fetches money”.

    Yes..A job is important based on each one’s personal,financial and emotional needs.However the meaning of a job itself differs from person to person.

    Anyways..one should not think of working and retirement in terms of just monetary value and corporate world.

    Life is meant to live.Doing things that gives you inner peace and meaning to your life and ones around you.


    there is no concept of retirement.My answer maybe philosophical but there is some truth in it:)
     
  9. KavithaUS

    KavithaUS Silver IL'ite

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    Early retirement is what few friends around me are targeting. Not to depend on paychecks to maintain your lifestyle. They are very frugal to build on their nest eggs. To them EMI and College expenses are main things. One friend confided that they plan to finish their mortgage in the next 3 years, and she will quit her job with signing the last mortgage check. The husband will still continue in his IT profession to feed college expense savings. She so much want to get out of rat race and stay home. she is very well involved in region's tamil community. She wants to spend some more of her time there.

    A friend who is Scienctist in a reputed org, her husband retired early from his IT jobs. He is into NGO after dropping kids to school. He is back home after a couple of hours. They give him peanut salary compared to his senior IT position. He likes it as it has a calling. The point is they have now enough funds and passive income to call it a quit, and not depend on monthly pay check.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
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  10. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    1. Can you financially afford to retire early?
    2. Can you financially afford if some misfortune, unexpected calamity hits you or your family?
    Then you can make a choice based on motivation.
     
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