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When divorce is not the answer......!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by psd1955, May 25, 2010.

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  1. May 29, 2010 #31
    psd1955

    psd1955 Senior IL'ite

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    We have heard of pre-nuptial agreements (not legally binding in India); I think something similar -- post-nuptial agreements can also be workable. And this can include being divorced formally and still being together and any other mutually agreeable terms.

    Prad
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2010
    psd1955, May 29, 2010
    psd1955, May 29, 2010
    #31
  2. May 29, 2010 #32
    RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    I am afraid, I don't understand this thread. When things don't work out, isn't it a wise idea to move out legally?
     
    RadiantCat, May 29, 2010
    RadiantCat, May 29, 2010
    #32
  3. May 29, 2010 #33
    mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Is there room in your boat, CW?!:) Exactly my question..
    What is stopping them from clean separation, Prad? Society? Children? Status? Security? Finance? How?
     
    mstrue, May 29, 2010
    mstrue, May 29, 2010
    #33
  4. May 29, 2010 #34
    RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    If the relationship is bad and there's no remorse, the couple are choking each other by their presence. I cannot and will not even be in the same neighborhood where my ex lives. That is what typically happens with several.

    I request the OP to clarify the objective of this post, why this idea has even hit her and what is the expected response here.
     
    RadiantCat, May 29, 2010
    RadiantCat, May 29, 2010
    #34
  5. May 29, 2010 #35
    flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Pre-nups as far as I know do not incorporate living together after a divorce but if both spouses are willing then so be it. If both DH and DW are happy with the arrangement then nothing can be done.
    Why do one want to stay together and be divorced simultaneously ?

    Please do reply Prad I am really curious !!!!!
     
    flowerlady, May 29, 2010
    flowerlady, May 29, 2010
    #35
  6. May 29, 2010 #36
    sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    I am not Prad but here are some guesses.

    • With the sexual revolution brewing in India, some middle aged people suddenly feel that they missed out on all the fun when young and want options to check things out and catch up (before the lights are out!) :); or
    • middle age crisis wanting options to explore; or
    • sex may be the only issue between them but otherwise they like each other and also are great parents and do not want to drag the kids into this difference between them; so they want the kids' life undisturbed. In fact the kids need not even know.
    • They are honest enough to each other not to do this clandestinely but with understanding
    • Or that they may think this is a passing fancy and after a few trials they know what they had *was good* and come back to being like before
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2010
    sarma, May 29, 2010
    sarma, May 29, 2010
    #36
  7. May 29, 2010 #37
    mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    I am learning so many things in IL.
    But some lessons are more than shocking to me. :)
     
    mstrue, May 29, 2010
    mstrue, May 29, 2010
    #37
  8. May 29, 2010 #38
    Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    what is this revolution you are talking abt?
     
    Spiderman1, May 29, 2010
    Spiderman1, May 29, 2010
    #38
  9. Jun 1, 2010 #39
    psd1955

    psd1955 Senior IL'ite

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    I have seen a quite a few unique instances of couples. In "Sach ka saamna" programme there was a case of a couple who had divorced secretly and were still staying together. Similarly I had heard of a case where the spouses were not on talking terms for several years owing to some misunderstanding and yet had three kids during that period.

    There may be many other reasons why people stay together despite serious misgivings.

    May be there has to be a separate thread or forum for such couples who contemplate divorce but cannot get themselves to do it. Real life case histories will enlighten us better than theorising endlessly. We should hear from them.

    There are so many unhappy couples out there who still stick on with each other for reasons best known to them. Only they can tell us the real reasons and end our speculations.

    Some enlightened ones among them maybe trying to make the best out of their sad situations. Now my question is how are they doing it?


    Prad

    PS: Sometimes I feel a club/assn./forum/group for divorced couples as well as those contemplating divorce will be a good idea as this may help in a whole lot of creative solutions. Hopefully it may also help reverting to happy married lives.
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2010
    psd1955, Jun 1, 2010
    psd1955, Jun 1, 2010
    #39
  10. Jun 1, 2010 #40
    ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Prad my marriage has no violence and no love either, so probably I can contribute to the above as:
    achieved via emotional/ pysical/ financial freedom.
    We live like roommates with the common goal of love for kids and their well being.

    There are occassional intimate encounters and we're soon back to roommates level disconnect, from my parent's marriage that I witnessed mine is not a marriage anymore.. its a peaceful co-existance :thumbsup.

    My source of inspiration comes from ladies whose DH are dedicated to MOTHER NATION..
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2010
    ShilpaMa, Jun 1, 2010
    ShilpaMa, Jun 1, 2010
    #40
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