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When divorce is not the answer......!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by psd1955, May 25, 2010.

  1. psd1955

    psd1955 Senior IL'ite

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    I have always wondered what would be the right solution (taking into account that we live in a society with rigid mindsets) if one of the spouses has lost interest (irretrievably) in the partner in whatever way and divorce is not really a good idea for a variety of reasons. Any suggestions?

    Prad
     
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  2. anukarsha

    anukarsha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear prad! Read your thread. i am a bit confused as you’ve written that ‘when one of the partners has lost interest(irretrievably)!’ I am married for quite a few years now. There is actually nothing which interests you or disinterests. I would rather put it like, you’ve to take interest to know each other well and work up your marriage in an interesting manner to have a great life ahead. And if the things are not working for both of you then it’s better to go separate ways. why unnecessarily cling to each other just making a façade of a good marriage. The emptiness of a relationship is clearly visible and I feel that dragging a relationship like this doesn’t really make sense to me.try to counsel some marriage counselor and see if it is workable or else the world has better people for everybody to be with. Sometimes, some people are just not meant to be together.regs-anu
     
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Prad,
    Good Question!
    First of all, I cannot agree that divorce is NOT an option.
    By that I do not mean divorce is the ONLY option either.
    That said,

    If the other spouse wants a whole life, and cannot take the partner's permanent loss of interest, he/she MUST be given his/her right to live life to the fullest by legal means which is divorce and remarry.

    On the other hand, if the other spouse 'finds' the whole life in the other aspects of their togetherness - could be emotional intimacy, and more - and willing to accept the shortcoming of the partner, all is well there.

    In my eyes both decisions are EQUALLY right.

    Divorce is better than sulking and making the life a hell for both partners and for the kids.. Here is something worth watching.. Neeya Naana - Talk show in Tamil - dated May 16, 2010. The talk revolves around why and why not divorce? TV Shows > Neeya Naana > Neeya Naana - 16-05-2010

    PS: And EMA is out of question. It is plain dishonest and degrading.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Prad,
    When you know that relation has nothing left except Div, its means the damage is irreversable. Loosing interest in simple way can be dealt, however if its beyond recovery point then no point fixing it.

    Also you imply on that you cant Div due to society then the only option is to live like acquaintance under the same roof and long as you're not emtionally and physically hurting each other.

    One day you'll get tired of this setup as well and worry less about the society but your own peace and eventually divorce.... however you need to reach that level...
     
  5. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Prad,
    Clarify what you mean by irretrievable loss of interest.
     
  6. kAlyaniShAnti

    kAlyaniShAnti IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Prad,

    What do you mean by 'loosing interest irretrievably' ???

    Marriage is the only relation in the society (leave aside friendship or relation with ILs etc.) which are built by human beings, and not inherited. And there are laws to come out of a marriage only when there is ample and substantial reason to do it! Because, there is an option available to terminate a relation, we should not exploit that!!

    We, the human beings are blessed with the faculty of thoughts and the power of making decision rationally.Just because, one or both of the spouse has/have lost interest, we can not come out of such a relation!

    Can we do it, or even think of terminating our relationships with our parents or siblings just because, we lost interest in them (the later is highly possible, why not?)

    We should take the relationship of a marriage that seriously... it is not a child's play.

    And no law will support to terminate a relationship (I guess) because one or both the spouse has lost interest in it.

    Believe me, it is easier to get married, than to terminate it!!

    Society is not rigid or divorce is not a stigma when there is real cause behind it.

    I do not think loosing interest is enough a reason for such a decision. There are ample ways to give it a try, to kindle interest and love if one is willing...
     
  7. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    I personally don't believe in the concept of divorce. Marriages are for life. So better take care choosing the partner. Once married, the couple should spend the rest of their lives together.

    People don't divorce their parents, kids, families and friends because they aren't interested in them anymore. So why keep the option open only for a spouse??
     
  8. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  9. psd1955

    psd1955 Senior IL'ite

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    Yes, mstrue is perfectly right..... that's exactly what I meant.

    I too agree with sita2223 and dislike the idea of a divorce .... a terrible traumatic experience for most couples and their dear ones.

    I have seen an instance where a divorce resulted in much worse conditions in the long run for the wife and children emotionally, socially and financially despite everything having been done legally. And yet even much against her will she had to undergo this sad episode in her life.

    In all other situations in life we can get out from a very negative situation by moving away .... quite unlike a divorce between a married couple.

    Also thanks to mstrue for the link to 'neeya naana' episode on divorces which was very helpful in getting a ringside view of divorce and its impact.

    Indeed, I am still wondering if there could be some innovative alternative to such traumatic experiences where inavaraibly one party is so innocently targeted for no fault.

    Prad

     
  10. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    divorce is not an easy decision.. But then you have to learn to stand up for yourself.. It is a very complex thing.. You need to think from all perspectives before deciding on divorce.. It should be your choice, either you suck it up or give back as good as you get..

    A marriage unfortunately requires two people to work,, If it is a one sided effort, it is better to stop expending your energy to make the relation work.. Trust me, many people i have seen have got a relief from pain after divorcing their spouses.. Sometimes, it is inevitable to have divorce as an answer to get out of the rut..

    Coming to the 'rigid mindsets' in india, all that could be said is the situation is very pathetic.. The society is more nosy in india compared to western countries.. Parents and in-laws think it is their birth right to mess up with their children's lives.. Parents have so much of a thick ego to even accept a love marriage.. If children feel independent to choose their own partners, then it'll be a blow to the parents ego.. Instead of being empathetic towards a divorcee, they prefer to exacerbate her pain by back gossiping or taunting.. All in all, i wanted say that in India, post divorce it is difficult to live than in western countries.. Given such a scenario, many women prefer to suck it up from their husbands/in-laws, than from society..
     

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