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When Child Acts Embarrassed Of You?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by momsky, Mar 30, 2017.

  1. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you @kkrish ! No need for apologies, I should have mentioned it when you first asked.
     
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  2. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    @Rihana , no cafeteria or lunchroom, no available foods to buy at all in my children's school.. I think elementary/middle schools under Toronto Catholic School Board has no cafeteria at all. They eat in their respective classrooms and since my eldest is in Grade 7, he has to monitor younger grades which meant he has to eat in the classroom he's assigned to for half an hour. The rest of the hour is spent outside, sometimes DS1 has practice during this time, but most in the afternoon.

    Funny you say about drive-thru fast foods, it's like a popularity tool. Once a week, mostly on a Monday, the lunch table is full of McDonald's, Subway, KFC, Wendy's. Once in a while, I cave in tol when my kids ask for it.
     
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  3. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    @momsky if ur DS's aversion to cold lunch is to the point where he pukes..then I see why u have to do what u have to do. Hang in there! It does get better. Looking back worst was probably 7th and beginning of 8th ..there was no where to go but up at that point....and it sure did once he started high school.
     
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  4. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I apologize, Momsky, this type of school seems to encourage bringing lunches, so my comments about that are unnecessary. I was referring to a public school type of environment. I hope you don't take offense to what I said.
     
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  5. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    It's okay @BhumiBabe , no need to apologize ....you raised some very valid points there, in which I am grateful.
     
  6. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @momsky, it's totally normal. He's growing up and becoming a young man. He's not embarrassed by you, he's embarrassed by his dependence on you. Give him some space — especially in public — and let him come to you. Be available if he wants to talk and keep an unobtrusive eye on his friends and activities.

    About food ... it's a tough situation. Eventually, he has to learn to eat like everybody else. It's time to start weaning him off the special hot food delivery. Let him manage with a cold lunch one day a week for a month, then two days a week, etc. He'll get there eventually.

    You're a good mom, have faith in your parenting. :)
    .
     
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  7. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks @Amica :blush:
     
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  8. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    @momsky
    Looks normal, but of course each child is different. I would let him be. It is a phase, as long as he is not disrespecting you, and he realises his pretend-mom-isnt-here is not right dont guilt him. Lots of changes physical, hormonal and emotional - happening all at once, craving independence yet needing you - it is a struggle. Let us lessen the burden from our side.

    Let me tell you about my DD, perhaps it will give you some solace. When she was 5 , she used to go to a child care. Every morning, when i dropped her, I would give her a quick hug. Most mums give elaborate hugs and kisses but I went by what seemed most comfortable to her. One day , she asked me during bedtime, why I hug her at the daycare. I was wondering if she felt my quick hug inadequate and tentatively answered it was because I would be away from her for a good9 hrs, I would miss her and hence the hug. She nodded and slept. Next day before leaving home, she hesitated and asked, could you hug me here so that you dont have to hug me at the daycare in front of everybody? Boy was I shocked! It hurt, I am a very huggie person by nature but I agreed and that is the way it was not only for the rest of the preschool days but till she was 16-17. When she was 9-10 she didnt want me anywhere near school. Now-a-days its back to asking for hugs, yeah they do out grow it.

    Then there is my DS who just turned a teen. He is starting to get all angst-y. I can almost see his struggle between wanting to be independent and needing my support. Loses his temper when I help, and feels neglected when I dont. He gets mad when I see his Whatsapp. Tough road ahead - bracing myself. Yesterday I was returning back home, waiting at the traffic lights to cross the road. Suddenly this sweaty head flops on my shoulder from behind - DS was also returning from school after his basketball practice! Looks funny , cos he is about 5 inches taller than me . A sweet moment!
    It helps to know that this is a phase and they will outgrow it, but when it is children growing up, I have always felt they grow up too fast. So trying to cherish every moment - the good and the difficult - the difficult periods are nicer in nostalgia.
     
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  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    All valid points are discussed. Sometimes it is the guilt based confusion and embarassment that gets vented in different ways.spewing out angry words like i hate you or i wish you were not my mom style. Banging of doors, fighting with siblings, being unkempt or the worst is when they become that moody silent ones.

    As a parent, it is hard. But just take a step back and stop micro analysing his every action. He will talk to you about what is troubling when he is ready.

    Tell me, what is hurting you more as a parent, the behaviour or the mystery of the cause of the behaviour. Just be you. Do not express that you are hurt everytime. He will understand as he assimilates will open up.

    Regarding his food habits, see if you can talk to him.is he being made fun of for the lunch box drop and yet is helpless that he sprints off. Sometimes the clues are always around us, yet we only look for what is clearly in our focus and not observe.

    Hang in there
     
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  10. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks @SunPa , I enjoyed reading your story :)... That one with your daughter was a long phase!
     

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