Whatsapp Drama

I've experienced this in family WhatsApp groups - whenever I share something about myself or my kid, a few predictable people including sibling will post something similar. For example, if I share a coveted college admission decision, they'll post about some neighbor's kid who got into another school. It used to bother me, but now it just amuses me. Maybe they feel insecure, inferior, or maybe they just don't know the etiquette of letting someone else have the spotlight for a moment. Or maybe that’s their way of connecting?

But yeah it hurts a lot if I let it. I once posted about my kid, and within few mins, there was a forwarded joke about confused ABCD kids' funny behavior when they visit India. I thought I was imagining things, but my DH and friends confirmed the coincidence was too much.

I've given up on expecting joy on my updates from family. I get that in its purest form from a few close friends, and that's enough.

 

This is the definition of sibling rivalry unfortunately. For her, you are competition and it’s limitless the extents these things go to. It’s probably hard because you are expecting your sibling to just not treat you like an outsider and an enemy and she’s doing just that. For your own sake, temper the expectation of kindness or of her being a kindred spirit. If there is one thing life has taught me it’s the valuable lesson to find meaningful friendships outside of relationships. I have maybe a few long standing years long friends who I communicate with on a weekly basis but I do have someone outside of the immediate family to talk to all the time. I’ll tell you what I’ve told my DD just yesterday. Find and cultivate different women friends. Some of them may fix your crown, some may help you, some will be there for down time and girls nights and some will be there for just a season. You can’t expect it all from one friend or one spouse or a sibling. Can we be everything to everyone around us? No. Let’s look outside our comfort zones a little. Even if you have the perfect relationship, the perfect friendship or perfect sibling relationships cultivate these other small relationships. We are wired by thousands of years of exposure in our DNA to feel wanted and liked by a group. Regardless of how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise, the hard coding in our genes don’t got away. We look for acceptance and belonging in a group. So you are also feeling vulnerable and left out by this behavior. Reduce the effort with her. Give others in your life a chance. I’m sorry you are hurting. I can say all this because I’m rational and not in your shoes. If I’ve come across as preachy, I apologize. Hope you find peace in your situation. Let go of what you cannot control and focus your energies elsewhere.

 

Cultivating different women friends is solid advice, and worth following at all stages of life. I've benefitted immensely from that. And so have my friends in turn.

But, expecting sibling to celebrate in your achievements is not a big expectation.

 

Agreed! The response was for mangaii because this isn’t the first time she has posted about the said sibling. Like I mentioned, her expectations are normal but since it’s being quashed cruelly time and again, I hoped she could temper the expectation for the one and focus her energies elsewhere. As I mentioned it was just my opinion. Something that the OP is free to take or ignore. I believe I have apologized to her if I’ve mixed things up.

 

No, I am sorry, Laks. Your response was spot on - empathetic, acknowledging OP's hurt, and offering ways to mitigate that pain going forward. I was just reeling from reliving a couple of really old WhatsApp experiences. One of them was when I shared about my older one getting their first college acceptance and the ABCD kid caricature that got posted in response. I didn't think the stirred up emotions would spill over into this conversation.

 

Oh no. I think when it comes to our kids we are even more hurt. It’s so hard to be in a different country as it is. When this comes from our FOO, instead of love and support it’s harder. Today I told my mom I’m destined to be here all alone and struggle all alone. I just hope my daughter finds a family with lots of relatives around. Then I remembered my own circle of people and had to pass that along to the child asap. I wish you are able to find peace once again. Hang in there!