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What's Your Preference When It Comes To Your Child's Life-partner?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by SeekingMind, Oct 5, 2016.

  1. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    Time is flying and our children are growing fast. Even if your child is in just kindergarten, before you know it, they will reach marriageable age too. Very scary...right? :fearscream:
    We are seeing how the whole concept of arranged marriages is slowly becoming a thing of the past. Nowadays, children are asserting their feeling of self-identity from much earlier age. Whomever our child chooses as life partner, we all bless and wish that they should always be very satisfied and happy in life. Coming to the point.....

    Having a boyfriend/girlfriend or dating concept was not that common in our days but nowadays its become quite common. How comfortable are you when you come to know your child has started dating or has a BF/GF? Have you communicated your feelings to them?
    As parents, Do you or your Dh have any preferences or wishes on what type of partner your children should select for themselves?
    Have you tried to bring up this topic and communicate your wishes to your children?
    What would be your reaction on live-in relationship if ever your child wants to try it out?

    I am opening up this topic. Will join in with my inputs too. Just started off with few questions. Please feel free and not hesitate to add in some more if you want to. Lets talk on this topic more and refrain from judging others.
     
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  2. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello SeekingMind, how have you been doing?
    Good one on a friday noon :)

    DD is now 8 and asks me lot of questions.
    DS just turned 4 and he loves talking and imagining things.
    One day when DD asked me how did I know DH is the right man for me, DS asked, how cool it would be of I had thousands and thousands of husbands to take care of me because he thinks I should get much more rest than what I get at present.

    DH and I are mentally prepared that kids would choose their life partners.Having fell in love and knowing how beautiful it is - I would not expect my kids not to fall in love. Well, if they cant find a guy/girl then its on us to bring them a life partner.

    Live-in would be a no, personally.

    DH and I met in college and became friends and were getting along really well with each other.
    Later we realized we were in love. But before we knew we loved each other, we were best friends. He used suggest me the kind of guys i'd be happy with and I'd suggest him which girl he should try next.
    It was nothing but pure friendship where in we had no other intention but to ensure each other's happiness.
    Later when I told him that my people at home are looking were suitable boys, it hit him hard and then he proposed in a few days. When he proposed, he did not say anything fancy, not even a "love you", he just said,

    "I don't know what i'd do without you. Am so used to be with you and it is not easy for me to manage without you. I tried doing it, I spent some time away from you a few days back (it was true - i was wondering why he avoided me for almost a week) but I could not get my thoughts together. I want to marry you. I may not able to treat you to a king size life, but i can ensure that you are happy at all times irrespective of our religion differences."


    Its been 11 years and counting that we are married for. Nothing has changed, except for 2 beautiful kids, a few wrinkles and some grey hair and a life abroad that's contended. He is still my best buddy who knows me in and out and so do I know him.

    I keep telling my DD the same. A man who is your best friend definitely makes a good husband. But a good husband may not be a good friend. My DH knows each of my crushes in college and I know his ! We still make fun of each other for going behind such and such people. DD notices that. She understands that its important to get married to a guy with whom she can share her past/present and future without any fear to be judged.
    We are trying to have married life that sets an example for the kids, so whether its love or arranged, they know how the marriage should work - especially DD.

    Kids understand that marriage is a very important thing and its not a joke to be taken easy.
    As and when we have the situation,we keep talking about marriage and the importance of being married than to live-in. So far, they believe that they have to be working first and then get married. Both the kids say that they don't want to leave our home when they grow up and would get married to our choice of person and that they would live with us forever even though they are married - DH and I smile and think "been there ! done that !!"
     
  3. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Great sboigala. Your kids are very smart. My 7 year old still thinks my husband and I are together from childhood. That we went to same school and class. :grinning:I have not felt like correcting her because I am not sure how long this innocence will last.
     
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  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    We've had loads of discussions about this already. I've explained that marriage is when two people who aren't related want to be related for rest of their lives. I've deliberately kept gender and ethnicity out of it.

    As for expectations, the main one would be that she chooses a life partner who is nice and brings out the best in her (and vice versa). I keep saying she has to be good friends with the person she wishes to marry first and then once they both decide they are right for each other, they could choose to get married.

    She likes the idea. Of course I also have to remind her that her brain isn't fully grown until she's around 20-25; so doesn't have to decide until she can think with "all of her brain". ;)
     
  5. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

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    My expectation - hopefully my son won't marry before he finishes college. He is almost 4 and wants to have 3 kids- 2 boys and a girl (no idea why). I had to explain to him number of times that he can't marry his little sister ( he used to get teary eyed and would say, " but I love her). Had to explain that he will meet a nice woman some day, fell in love and marry her then they can have babies.
    So, my expectation is that he waits until settled in career before marrying or atleast having kids. Everything else will be fine.
     
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  6. coolmum

    coolmum Silver IL'ite

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    When we were India, I didn't had a thought of dating or GF of my son. Now he is 13 and 5th year in abroad, these things making me uncomfortable. Me and DH knew, we have to expect. So I am mentally preparing for that.
    One of our Gujarati friend got a letter from her 15yr old daughter's school to ensure birth control. She simply put the letter in thrash, saying her daughter knew her limits and doesn't need this. But me shocked to the core.
    How will my son would cross this, if he faces ? Personally I don't think live-in relationship is good. But I don't know how to communicate to him.
    Now in his teen age, he seems got interested in girls. Two years before, he wouldn't even talk to girls in his class. The harmones started it's job and I wish he would select his life partner, when his brain is developed enough to take decisions
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Coolmum. Don't worry yes , teenage,( from 13 ) boys and girls will start getting blushes when they see an opposite gender. Every teenager craves for people's attention especially their classmate's of opposite gender's attention , to say they are good looking , talented etc . so yes u and ur husband can talk to ur son . tell him these feelings are quite common. He can ignore it . ask him to talk to girls with out any hesitation as good friends.this will help him .
     
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  8. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    I would not allow my daughters to date or have bf at least before 18. i know that secret liking and blush and infatuation will happen and thats normal. But things should be stopped at that only. once my daughters reach to college ,then i guess they will do as par their wish/wisdom. Then i will change the word permission to guidance...I would like to tell them that falling in love and having a boyfriend is a serious thing rather than fun. so they should be careful in that and during the years when they have to shape their career , their career/education should be main focus.

    I would like them to choose their life partners themselves once they are established themselves in their career and emotionally mature. I would tell them that respect for woman is most important quality which they should look in men, and marriage is not the final destination for woman.

    Not necessarily our children will go as par guidance and wish, but once my children are independent adult, my duty would be just to guide them, i will leave decision on them. I will react strongly against their decisions only if i see that they are going to take very very bad decision.
     
  9. coolmum

    coolmum Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the suggestion :blush:
     
  10. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    haha...nice topic...

    Me n my DH had the alaipayudhe kind of marriage. So basically I am clueless about this bride hunting ways.

    My biggest worry is what if my kids decide to do arranged marriages and not love marriage!! :eek::eek:

    Right now though my elder one - 5 yrs old- says he is in love with me while my younger one - 3.5 yrs - says he is in love with my sister :D:D
     

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