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what's your opinion

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by rvlakshmi, Oct 26, 2011.

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  1. Oct 26, 2011 #1
    rvlakshmi

    rvlakshmi Silver IL'ite

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    Dear all,
    One of my friend is a widow of age 36, by fate she lost her husband in the age of 32. She struggled with him for the whole life till the end of his day. She was very confident continued her studies after her marriage as she was married in her age of 16. She got 2 daughters of age 17 and 10. the elder one is with their parents once a while she will visit her moms place and well comfortable with their grand parents and doing her studies. My friend is doing a good job here.

    Now the thing a well known person of her want to marry her but he is not a divorcee still separated for 7 years (because of her wife illegal relationship) and he is staying alone. He want to take her to abroad because he got a good job (as a General manager) in abroad and moving soon and he said after finding a good job (as a teacher which is running by the same company where he is going to join) over there for her then he wants take her along with her younger daughter so that she can be financially independent . He too suggest to leave good bank balance for her elder daughter to complete her studies. The wonderful thing when she discussed with her elder daughter about this , she (e.daughter) immediately wants her mother to marry and live for her life not for the society.

    The man who wants to marry her also having a daughter who is with her mother and this man loves her daughter very much. My friend is a very kind woman and she struggled in her whole life just becoz for the sake of her daughters. Both are well matured persons they are still discussing not want to go for any sudden decision. He wants marry after placing her in a good position then too he suggested if she would likes to marry him to go ahead otherwise you can proceed your life as you wish.

    The parents of my friend are not taking caring of her only for her money sake they are taking care of her grand daughter and they love their grand daughter not her daughter. My friend is all alone and day by day am seeing her getting depressed. Even my friend and that man are not meeting but used to talk over phone as they scared about the society becoz i know am staying on the upstairs of her house.

    He don't even want to leave her elder daughter all alone as soon as she complete her studies he wants to do something for her too. Still they didn't take any decision but .............. pls dear Ils you leave your valuable suggestion which I can tell to her.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2011
    rvlakshmi, Oct 26, 2011
    rvlakshmi, Oct 26, 2011
    #1
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  2. Oct 27, 2011 #2
    ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I donno what is stopping this guy from taking divorce and waiting for 7 long years? If he wanted he would hav give huge amount as settlement from his wife and give child support to his daughter..and what is the proof that he is away from his wife for 7 long years??? and how long is ur frnd seeing this person?
    Practically speaking if he goes to UK, he can only keep her for 3 mons on visit visa (as she has no relation with him as per law..though she marries him again she will be considered as keep in the eyes of every one)..if at all ur friend bags a job thr then she can stay there else they(UK) will send ur frnd back..she will have to work till the time she is in UK..
    if she doesnt get a job thr she has to leave him and come down to india with not much of money..i feel he wants to use her and leave .. I am sorry to say this
     
    ivlakshmi, Oct 27, 2011
    ivlakshmi, Oct 27, 2011
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  3. Oct 27, 2011 #3
    arnavi

    arnavi New IL'ite

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    I think your friend shud get married only once she gets to know the man very well and for that she will have to meet him often, however it will be very unfair if she leaves her eldr daughter over here and head for abroad. I think she shud take both her kids once she gets settled in her new job and new life and make both her kids stay with her..
     
    arnavi, Oct 27, 2011
    arnavi, Oct 27, 2011
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  4. Oct 27, 2011 #4
    Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    For me this doesn't sound right to me all.

    He need to be clean before move on any relation.I won't mess up with my life who didn't take divorce and moving to abroad.it's better to stay away from those relations and continue our peaceful life.
     
    Priya16, Oct 27, 2011
    Priya16, Oct 27, 2011
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  5. Oct 27, 2011 #5
    Subhaganesh

    Subhaganesh Gold IL'ite

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    let the new man get divorce and these ppl can marry if they are strong enough to manage others as well as kids..nothing wrong about...bcoz she need a shoulder to rest her worries till life ends...
     
    Subhaganesh, Oct 27, 2011
    Subhaganesh, Oct 27, 2011
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  6. Oct 27, 2011 #6
    inlovewithmylyf

    inlovewithmylyf Platinum IL'ite

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    She can re-marry him but only after he gets a divorce from his wife... Just staying separated and then marrying another woman is not fair... He cannot do tht... Ur friends' marriage with this guy would not be legal then... Nice to know tht her 17 year old daughter wants her mom to get married once again... But then she accepting immediately n ur friend leaving her behind n going abroad with a man who has not even got a divorce legally just does not sound right to me...
     
    inlovewithmylyf, Oct 27, 2011
    inlovewithmylyf, Oct 27, 2011
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  7. Oct 27, 2011 #7
    omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    A lady had kid from marriage, having affair, not divorce till, means not married to her boy friend. Quite contradictary...
    Why his wife will make kid with this him when she is having affair with other...in this situation that wife would have tried to run away with that guy instead of making kid!!!!......... even after kid was born...she would have handed the kid to her H and run away with her boyfriend. Why she need to raise the kid ?? Is that lady married or living with the other person?? Ok....she is not...because she realised her mistake and left her boyfriend and raising that kid for 7years. Why cant this guy forget and live with this wife just for the sake of daughter....afterall he loves his daughter alot ...right? Giving money to raise a kid is not enough to show the responsibility towards kid.

    All most all guys seperated from wife blame their wife for having affair or their charachter.

    Please verify about the guy from his wife relatives or friends. You will get some clue.
     
    omnam, Oct 27, 2011
    omnam, Oct 27, 2011
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  8. Oct 27, 2011 #8
    Subhaganesh

    Subhaganesh Gold IL'ite

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    I appreciate ur different perspective
     
    Subhaganesh, Oct 27, 2011
    Subhaganesh, Oct 27, 2011
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  9. Oct 28, 2011 #9
    rvlakshmi

    rvlakshmi Silver IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Thanks for all your replies and I know each one has given valid points. One thing is am also a widow with a daughter of having a 11 years old daughter, that is why i can able to understand my friend's feelings. I have taken all these points and i discussed with her. she quitely listened all the views. once again i thank everyone who has given their views upon this post.
     
    rvlakshmi, Oct 28, 2011
    rvlakshmi, Oct 28, 2011
    #9
  10. Oct 31, 2011 #10
    omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, Please check his past thoroughly before making any decision. All the best.
     
    omnam, Oct 31, 2011
    omnam, Oct 31, 2011
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