What's better? Stick to an unhappy married life or quit

riya123 · Dec 27, 2015

Folks,

i just read this research report.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...512/would-we-be-healthier-higher-divorce-rate

it basically says that women who quit unhappy marriages are healthier. I am hoping this throws some light on the traditional argument that women should try to work on their marriage and divorce should be the last resort. Also, it kind of contradicts our society's traditional thinking to raise alarms at increasing divorce rates. Also, the reports sadly point out that only 17% are happy in their marriages. Do really the benefits of staying married outweigh the stress it brings about?

please chime in your thoughts.

catwalk · Dec 27, 2015

Marriage is a big gamble in which only a very few win.

A majority would adjust themselves to make it ''look successful'' to the society. There are many reasons for it. Social status, Security, Family integrity, childrens etc. It is still a challenge in our society to live alone. Parents may support. But after their period what would happen.

Some gain the courage to break their slavery. Some are forced to break it due to other reasons.

riya123 · Dec 27, 2015

The key points that stood out to me in this report are
1. Men who are married live longer and are healthier than unmarried men. Unmarried men suffer more than married men
2. Women when single do not suffer as much as unmarried men
3. The benefits of marriage fall disproportionately on men. Men benefit more out of a marriage than women do
4. In stressful marriages, the stress falls more on women than on the man. Women showed stronger correlation to cardiovascular diseases.

the question here is, how good is it on us as society to force a woman to adjust in an unhappy marriage, while it is the woman who takes the most stress and health cons while the man benefits the most? If the man is benefitting the most out of a marriage, then should the responsibility not fall on him to work on his marriage?

i keep reading many threads here on how woman's education and emancipation is leading to higher divorce rates. Really should a woman be held responsible for higher divorce rates? Women takes up lions share of marital stress and is then held responsible for higher divorce rates? Some what unfair I feel it is.
This study was conducted on general population. I'm sure the it would be even more disproportionate on indian couples.

satchitananda · Dec 27, 2015

Ultimately happiness comes from inside. Some are happy without marriage, some are happy despite marriage and a few are happy because of marriage.

aamrapali · Dec 27, 2015

One size does not fit all. It really depends on definition of "happy and unhappy". If your marriage has not turned out to be what you thought it would be, falls below your expectation of what you envision your man and married life should be - married life may be better than single. If your marriage is depriving you of dignity, safety, and peace, single life may be better than a married life. It depends where one's marriage is on the spectrum from "happy" to "manageable/livable" to "unhappy, miserable/unbearable".

Ragini25 · Dec 27, 2015

Every individual person's situation and personality is unique, and it is a very personalized decision. Even if they read articles and discuss on forums, ultimately a very critical and personal decision based on indiv situation.

catwalk · Dec 28, 2015

If there is a platform or social security system which supports single parent, there will be more divorces. There are many families who lead their life in unbearable circumstances.
They continue like slaves just because there is no other place to go. They can't even go back to their own home.

vidhyabaskar · Dec 29, 2015

catwalk said: ↑

If there is a platform or social security system which supports single parent, there will be more divorces. e.
Click to expand...

Yes. Sweden has one of the best social support systems for single women. Researchers are baffled to see more and more women not interested in committed long term relationship with men in Sweden !

riya123 · Dec 30, 2015

Vidhya- it is interesting to note that women are less interested in long term relationship when they have a social support system. Education provides women with some financial support system and we see increased divorce rates them. So in India we are basically leaving women with do or die situation in India. Either live in unbearable situation ( 83% of marriages are unhappy) or divorce and live with no social and some cases no financial support.

btw, for those stating it is very subjective and depends on the definition of happiness/unhappiness, this study was conducted considering the subjectivity of definition of happiness. Despite the subjective ness of happiness, 83% of the marriages are unhappy and women take up the larger share of stress in unhappy marriages.