1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

what you dont like when your kid stay with inlaws/elders?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Renu1999, Feb 28, 2010.

  1. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,
    I see few people complaining (not in this forum but in general) saying their DIL feel insecure or dont like to let grand kid play /to be with them for a long time.
    Even though we have to let kid play/ stay with elders I dont like few things they do to my kid.
    1. Putting to sleep .(I generally put my son to sleep around 10 at night he is 2 and half now and will sleep by himself after 10 or 15 min) but when I visit Inlaws or when they visit us they always take my son and walk for long time and say this is what my grand son likes. BUt I really dont like this Idea because after they leave he may really annoy me to do the same.
    2. Giving snacks ( since he is young now I decide which food to give him and I avoid chips ,chocolates) and they give these foods and becomes hero for him. He says grand ma always gives that but mom does not.
    3. teaching relatives ( Iam ok with them teaching their relatives but at the time I dont like the fact that they say only these are our relatives.and no one else). I dont expect them to teach my relatives at the same time I dont want them to confuse my kid. Now for my kid it is so hard to teach may be after sometime he will understand but now he says no only they are our relatives and that is so annoying but he forgets after they leave from our house or when we return here from India visit.
    4. Pooja / telling slokas: I do tell some sloka but I dont tell it aloud. they do it everyday and they tell it aloud and they tell my kid you have to say like that like how we are doing . It sends wrong message to my kid he says amma never says sloka but grandma is good see telling slokas and all.
    other than that I can think of anything now. But I do sometimes think so much is whether it is good/bad to leave my son with them
    pour in your ideas . Do you like everything your MIL do to your kids?
     
    Loading...

  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,101
    Likes Received:
    25,016
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Do you work? If so, when your in-laws visit, does your son go to daycare or is he at home with them all day? How often do your in-laws visit and how long is each visit?

    If you work and he is home with them all day, then you cannot do much about this, and have to put up with it for the convenience. Even if you lay down the ground rules, there is no way you can enforce them without being physically present. If you do not work, and hence are at home with your son most of the day, I wouldn't worry about "teaching about relatives" and "amma doesn't say slokas". This will change with time. As he grows older and starts going to preschool, he will meet more kids and adults and his world will stop revolving around parents/grandparents. He will have many more adults to compare to each other, and too many experiences and events happening in his day to worry about amma not saying slokas loudly.

    The other two issues - sleep routine and food habits: These you need to put your foot down Get your husband on your side, and have him tell them. Or, put it on the pediatrician and say Dr. says so. If in-laws continue to insist and say things like "this is what our grandson likes", "we also brought up our own kids", "these are all American ideas"... then be firm and repeat what you want to be done or not done. Give no reasons and do not enter into discussions or debates. Think of some creative ways to convince your son - may be you can get him some books or videos from the library about cavities and so on. Or, if he watches TV, talk about how that character is eating healthy food.

    You haven't mentioned your husband's reaction about this.

    -Rihana
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Renu.. I really have no control on the situation once they arrive... my presence in that house is itself of the most unwanted creature & they all fit/ gel very well minus me.. in anything they want to do.

    What I detest the most is they telling my kids.. how much I dont care for them, how important is my job than my children & making me feel guilty for their under-weight & not being able to feed them. If I bring food early.. MIL has to say its too early... if I get late by 5-10 mins MIL has to comment... tell your mom to pep up.. we're kids we cant keep waiting like grown ups, sorry its too late, we're not eating...
    If they vomit (Which they do on daily basis.. minimum once or twice) then tell your mom to cook better food, we cant keep eating same boring/bland stuff..
    Also I detest her feeding them glucose biscuits with milk which she produly tells was the dinner my DH ate until age 9.. .and since its in genes they'll love it too... she has nothing creative to feed them but quickly rush to get that glucose biscuit feed if am 5 mins late in either getting up or getting back to home.......
    FIL feels that they vomit becos of porridge feeds.. and kids shud be fed with pakodas (fried food), paani poori and jalebi and other sweets... in short basically wrong food is being fed to them.

    Anyways whatever I feel its my problem and has no way to be communicated to them.. cos they know the best way of dealing with children & their growing up phase.
     
  4. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    MY ANSWERS IN RED
    I don't like whatever my MIL does or did ... I did object to a few things.. like food habits and study time to be uninterrupted... also encouraging him to stay up and watch stupid soaps and serials with her..but then I've realised that there is NOTHING I CAN'T UNDO WHAT THEY DO ...
    K
     
  5. SriUS

    SriUS New IL'ite

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    What I don't like my kids to stay with inlaws is, my MIL she behaves like she has dying love on my kids infront of my DH and behaves the opposite in the absense.

    when they come to US,
    1.she wants to feed myelder daughter her lunch and she almost fights with me if I want to feed her. But when her daughter (DH's sister ,lives in us) calls she just puts my daughters food aside and fully involves in talking:rant.
    2. she cooks food when they visit us, and she says to my daughter that isn't this curry is delicious? ...the curry so delicious that's why she ate all that food:bonk.( Am I feeding her half stomach daily??? she tries to teach my daughter that I am not a better cook..my DH belives that..can't she just stop at there)

    3. MIL tells my daughter that when she talks on the phone she has to say not just hello but Hello grandpa...God..she is only 3 yrs old and she will learn it soon..MIL tries to prove that I am not teaching my child manners.

    4. MIL tells my elder daughter(3 yr old) that you have to take care of ur younger sister(1.5 yrd old).

    When IL's r in India its another story..

    5. When we talk on phone, MIL never aks me how my daughters health is..but she asks my daughter ..that r u taking ur pills, how is ur health etc

    6. she never feeds my daugther when we visit IL's..says to my daughter that u have to learn to eat by urself...etc..she even did the samething with my second daughter.(my SIL's daugther is 11 yrs old nd still her mother feeds her..MIL says that my SIL has lots of love for her daughter that's why she is doing that:spin)

    FIL is another story....he won't tell anyhting like my MIL to my kids..but if my kids wants to go for walking..he says that I can't take u..I am having this pain that etc. If DH is there he takes them every single day.
     

Share This Page