What would you do?

bunchofroses · Mar 17, 2010

My husbands brother and his family are visiting us in next 2 weeks. Thier son is of my sons age. They plan to take a trip South , as my co-sisters cousin stays there and they also want to explore that place. I have just joined this workplace newly and hence cannot take leave. My husband and my son will go with them. On previous occasions it has so happened that whenever my husband visits any of my side of my family she expresses her dislike and doesnt want my husband to mingle. But she happened to have no problem with my husband staying in my co-sisters side of the family. I am no comfortable with this as i feel she is being biased. Hence, I was telling my husband to go with them and stay in a hotel with my son, as my mil has a problem with my husband mingling with my side, though am his wife, then how come u can stay there?

What would you do in my place? Please do not talk ill about me, as I have been in a very abusive marriage, so I am not willing to be the bad person here. But I just need an opinion on what other women would do if they were in my place?

Foundlove · Mar 17, 2010

Dear bunchofroses,

Maybe U should not let your son go to other people's house as well...TIT FOR TAT.
Say openly to mother in law that since she did not let DH mingle with ur side of family U will not mingle with cosis family and let DS stay back...

If U cannot do that then just ignore it. Wjen next time U need to visit ur family U have a readymade reason to go...No one can stop U since MIL opened the door once.

Good Luck..
FL.

Priya16 · Mar 17, 2010

Actually I didn't understand the post.Who are all visiting your place?
Your BIL and co-sister right.Is your MIL also there along with them?
Where is your MIL?If you have good relations with your BIL and co-sister and you shoulnd't take your MIL words here.You need to let it go.
Typically any MIL would object her son to visit DIL and there relatives palces.it's common thing and we need to act like we didn't hear her and continue our work.

bunchofroses · Mar 18, 2010

Priya,

no my mil is not coming. My relation with BIL is OK not great but there have been no dirty fights or arguments so at least we can see face to face. But I just feel its unreasonable to not let my husband mingle with my family but OK if he mingles with co-sis's.

chocolate · Mar 18, 2010

Your Co-sis shud not dominate your family. Better lay down some ground rules right now if you havent done it before. How is your relationship with your husband? If its difficult first try to fix it. I saw in OP that your marriage is abusive? First tackle that head on. Then come to this and tell your co-sis she has no business telling whom your husband shud/ shudnt talk to.She is taking advantage of the fact that you keep quiet.
I dont know how she is with your BIL but it seems like she is getting away dominating your family with his knowledge.Put a stop to this . It will only get worse while she will start dominating other things in your life. This is only the beginning. Be aware. Good Luck.

Rihana · Mar 18, 2010

Till a few years into married life I would have pestered husband into staying in a hotel, and given lot of instructions on what to do and what to not do. Would call up and check when they are on vacation too perhaps, and an analysis after return. Now, I have learnt to pick my battles. I would make sure husband takes all things needed for son, remind him about anything to do with son's eating or sleeping etc., and leave the rest to him. Wish him a happy journey.

I would also enjoy the alone time by going out with friends in evenings or watching a movie, reading a book, and cooking only if I feel like it. Or put in extra hours at work. Would be cheerful when talking to husband and son on the phone. Would make sure husband misses me.

-Rihana

MightyMom · Mar 18, 2010

Hi,
If I were in your shoes, I would not let my DH and DS to go with them at all. How can DH think of going on vacation without you? You talk to him nicely and tell him you cannot stay alone without him and you can plan a trip as a family during summer and may be visit the same place then.

Do you think this can work out?

Good Luck,
MM

vennelaaaa · Mar 18, 2010

hi Bunchofroses...

If your DH is comfortable with his brother's family, then I think he should go...though you can suggest that he stay in a hotel...

totally agree with Rihana....take some time off for yourselves...

ShilpaMa · Mar 18, 2010

roses, if I were you, I'll let my DH & son decide whats best for them.. fights between elders should never get transferred to kids.. they're v innocent.. and have right to be loved and mingled with any family member.. theirs or ours. If we or our family is not being appreciated and biased on.. I dont think it becomes a reason to filter the child from those people

If I come to know that my child becomes a burden to them & they talk ill then only I'll suggest him to stay elsewhere.
There are many reasons why 2 people match on frequency or dont... and when one doesn't then just leave it.