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What Would You Do?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Naari, May 24, 2018.

  1. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello Friends,

    Here's a dilemma that I need your inputs on.

    Suppose an Indian couple (H&W) who live in the US decide to go to India for visiting the parents. There are 2 options to go to India:

    1. One at a time when the H's sister (also from US) is visiting parents OR
    2. Another time when just H's parents are there (SIL is not there or has left)

    Now, W and the SIL do not get along due to a past visit by SIL to brother's house gone terribly wrong.

    While the W wishes to visit when the SIL is present, she is extremely anxious about the potential visit as things may go wrong again at in laws place due to SIL being present, if the in laws side do not treat W well or bring up any past episodes or just plainly neglect her. What if things go wrong again?

    So, W is leaning towards the option of visiting in laws in India at other time when SIL is not there. This would a safe option. Also, it would be a great opportunity to spend one on one time with in laws without they being influenced by SIL. But, only down side to this is H and their daughter does not get to see his sister simultaneously along with his parents. To be clear, H is completely fine with this option & visiting his parents when his sister is not around, only W overthinks about this scenario & feels bad about it.

    What would you do / recommend in this situation?
     
  2. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    In a general context it is good if children settled abroad visit parents in India at different times. So that by spreading out the visits , the parents will be less lonely . Instead of everyone coming at once for 2 weeks , overwhelming the parents and then leaving them to be all alone for rest of the year
    So looking at the biggest picture , your friend should spread out the visits , and will also serve her cause to spend quality bonding time with her in-laws . I have noticed when there are too many people then all time and focus goes in cooking for so many people and bad sleeping arrangements due to lack of space , just a chaos all around and no quality time .
    Meeting sister is important but well being of parents is more important ., And first duty is towards parents . Hopefully my perspective can help your friend in some way .
     
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    From the SIL n W pov n with this history, I would maybe coincide just a day or two of overlap if I 'desire' for the 'whole family' to be together.

    If no such desire then don't bother making it difficult for yourself.

    Anyway H's sis lives in the same country, they can plan a short trip anytime they want.

    Plus the parents would not feel overwhelmed n they can spend some quality time together with each of their kids families separately.
     
    Wanita, sindmani and stayblessed like this.
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Its tricky. Easy way would be for family to visit when sil is not there
     
    Wanita and sindmani like this.
  5. Tamrakshar

    Tamrakshar Platinum IL'ite

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    Naari to Wanita! Why did you have to slough your skin? This is off the topic, but just curious!
     
  6. Tamrakshar

    Tamrakshar Platinum IL'ite

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    Ha ha Anita! Actually, I was incommunicado due to personal reasons for more than a month. That's why I missed all the action. But, I get it now. I feel sorry to see you banned!

    Pray tell me who is the other guy or gal who is like me, because I thought I was unique! Who can match my panache and crooked sense of humour?
     
  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    My guess is green
     
  8. Tamrakshar

    Tamrakshar Platinum IL'ite

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    No way, Miss Holmes!
     
  9. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    No way, Mrs Sunshine. Your detective skills need honing.
    I am unique. I come from more humble background, so like to read @Iravati’s vivacious posts to traverse to different world but I would not indulge in indirect referencing her ever. I prefer straight forwardness than crafty slyness.

    I don’t see the point in taking multiple IDs in anonymous forums unless their original ID’s login is disabled.
     
  10. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    I hate to repeat but Tam is not my twin brother. I have just one ID here. I already shared my disgust in having multiple IDs by the same person.

    How did I end up here. My post count yesterday didn’t go up when I posted in Y & R. Then I saw the same for you in your post count which led me to this thread.

    If you are good in analyzing writing pattern, you would not have erroneously judged. I had correctly guessed Okonomi and Nonya are same person by reading just few posts.
     

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