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What would you do?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by orion80, Oct 7, 2007.

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  1. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi

    I am facing a situation and i dont know how to put it properly.. i dont even know whether it is really a problem or not..

    8 months ago we moved into a new house for rent.. the neighborhood people were very friendly.. My kitchen faces the street and right acorss the street, there lives a family consisting of a couple, 2 kids, MIL. They were very cordial with us and the wife, in that couple is a smiling lady a little traditional type home maker.. Our kitchen faces their balcony and in the morning when i am getting ready to go to office, i used to watch the kids getting ready and their daily rush.. sometimes even my husband used to watch..

    From last 3 months, i noticed my husband paying more attention to her.. like keeps on praising her.. my husband is a kind of person who keeps mostly to himself and talks very little about others, even lesser about ladies.. i was surprised but i kept silently observing him.. whenever he goes out, that lady also comes out on some pretext into the balcony and talks with him.. it made me even more uneasy.. and one more thing i observed is whenever he comes to kitchen or even while hugging me in the kitchen, i see him staring at their balcony..

    And to add to my troubles, since last few weeks, he was very indifferent to me.. previously he used to be very caring.. now even if i burnt my hand by mistake in kitchen, he doesnt even blink an eye.. this weekend, i confronted him and asked him why he is so indifferent to me ( i didnt raise the topic of that lady as i myself am not sure how to handle it) .. he agreed that he was negligent to me and would be more caring in future..

    but the undue attention he is showing to that lady hurts me.. and today night that couple came into the balcony and was holding hands and talking.. when my husband noticed this, he became moody.. what do i do? am i over reacting? as this is only a rented house, i want to move out to a new house

    Please send your suggestions.. i am feeling very hurt because of the whole issue.. i have lost a lot in my life and i am very possessive about my relationships.. i cant bear it even if he fantasises about anyone or takes a liking to someone else..
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2007
  2. Shanthi

    Shanthi Silver IL'ite

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    Even as I was reading your post I kept telling myself, "MOVE, MOVE!". Do that as qucikly as possible and as discreetly as possible. Do not confront your hubby as of yet. Let him think that you are blissfully unaware of what's going ( or not going on ! ).

    There are 2 ways of looking at this. Maybe your husband is flirting with that lady. Or maybe because of your possessiveness you feel that. But either way this isn't good for your marriage. Just move. Don't console yourself and just live there with this fire slowly starting to brun your relationship. Since you are not sure don't confront your husband. He will be terribly hurt if it is not true and may put a dent in your relationship. And if it is true he is not going to accept it, but he will become more careful and more discreet.

    Be smart and brave. Keep observing him. Try to stop him from going over to the balcony or call for him when he goes there. Shower him with your love and then slowly start looking for another house. Find reasons your husband will fall for. You know him best. For eg. you can say that you lack privacy here and feel bad that you are always forced to face the neighbours hubby. I don't know. Something that will not put suspicion on you.

    I cannot stress how important it is for you to take immediate action. Please do not wait and hesitate. Even if there is nothing going on, living in such a situation is not good.

    Hope this helps, and I will pray to GOD to guide you.

    Love,
    :wave
     
  3. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Ohh.. This sounds strange. I mean how would someone develop a liking over watching others. I would say shrugg off the thoughts and invite those people at your place. become more actively involved with lady in question.
    And get to know her more and her mind.
    By that you can come to know if your doubts are anyway related or not. If there is any goofy thing going. You will be able to catch in couple's gathering.

    Just staring someone shudnt be big deal.. I mean we all eye --good looking people here n there. But that s just casual. If there's anything seriously brewing. And you get your doubts confirmed ..Only then bother about it.
     
  4. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Ria,

    If we find anyone beautiful, we both comment on it and share the opinion and the conversation ends there.. but if he is going on and on about the other lady, i find it uncomfortable.. and even while hugging me, if he is ogling at neighbor's balcony, i simply cannot take it

    I dont say they have any bond but even if my husband starts fantasising about her, it is enough to break my heart..
     
  5. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Shathi,

    Thanks for the reply.. even i was thinking along the same lines.. even if my suspicion is right or wrong, it is not good to stay there.. i even started looking out for another house.. my husband, who until recently was so keen on moving to a different house, is very reluctant now.. but i am insisting on it and we will move out in a week or so.. i dont think i will have any peace of mind until we move out..

    Love
    Orion
     
  6. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Orion,
    I agree with shanti. whether there is actually some truth in the matter or its just your mental block, there is no reason for u to linger on with this. Just try and look for another flat. If it is not true then too its not good for your relation to have these feelings . So better to change the situation before its too late.
     
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