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What would u feel in this situation ..pls pls tell me.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by tictactoe, Mar 8, 2010.

  1. tictactoe

    tictactoe New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    Please tell me one thing...
    I knew my hubby had ex-girfriends in his life...before marraige..
    now recently he found one of his very first ex-girlfriend on facebook.. earlier when he used to chat with girls without my knowledge i used to get totally pissed off.. that is why very smartly while chatting with his long lost and found ex he told me that see iam chatting with her not hiding from you.. im just saying hi to her..so i took it sportingly.
    Last nite he was talking on the phone to one of his close old college friend (guy) who also knew about this old ex girlfriend story when they were all in the same college...he told his friend that she asked my hubby that why did he not upload any of his pictures on facebook and he told her that he likes to surprise old friends in person and rather than putting pictures to show how he looks now compared to old times..... .
    and i heard him clearly tell his guy friend..
    "I saw her husband's picture on facebook along with her and her 4yr old kid... what did she see in him that she married him that she said no to me.... i was much better than that guy..what was her problem?"
    Now please tell me what would u feel if you hear your husband talk something like this.. i just felt a cold shiver run inside me.. im so confused... i already have lot of problems in my life regarding debts and financial instability..
    He just found her profile two days before on Facebook..and he chatted with her that time..
    Yesterday he stayed home as he wasn't feeling well I am afraid that he must have had a chat with her.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2010
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  2. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Well I would think since his old flame is married with a kid now, you can safely assume there won't be anything. Unfortunately you cannot go back in time and change what your husband did or who he was dating before he got married to you. You do not have any say or control in that part of his life and it is the past now.

    What you need to be concerned about is the part of his life after he was married to you. And do not let this thing eat you away or plant seeds of doubt as that can ruin your life. And honestly, you should not be eavesdropping on his phone conversations with his friends. This can lead to all sorts of unforeseen complications. I know you probably cannot get this off your mind easily but you should or this will lead to unnecessary drama and fights between you and your husband.
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    tictac, I think he's the one who should suffer from inferiority complex and not you..

    If I were in your shoes, I would have said.. ok remain in your wonderland.. what you see on facebook is a snap which tells very less about a person & maybe someone will be saying that for me as well.

    If it wasn't a one sided affair & his true x-GF, then there are valid reasons why she became his X & he should ponder on that reason rather than comparing himself with her husband.

    Most people do that irrespective to whether they're serious about their current spouse.. some speak it within & some speak it loud... worrying less about being insensitive.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2010
  4. vmtaurus

    vmtaurus Bronze IL'ite

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    I don't think you should pay too much of attention to this. Looks to me like it's just curiosity that pulled your husband to speak to her. As long as he is mature enough to keep it at friendship.
    I don't think you can change the past or even should focus on what happened in the past, as long as he is faithful and honest with you today.
    If you are insecure, tell him calmly that this upsets you and you do not like it. If he does it openly, then its good! At least he is being honest and not doing it behind your back.
     
  5. tictactoe

    tictactoe New IL'ite

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    thanks ladies for your suggestions..
    I hope it just fades off away... He specially told me at that time when he was chatting with her the first time he added her, because he knew that i had caught him in the past when he had chats with another girl... It led to an argument cause that time he was chatting without my knowlege at very late night while i was fast asleep.. thats why he told me in advance but that doesnt mean that he should start thinking about her a lot. I will definately not bother about it now..unless a similar incident arises.
    tictactoe
     
  6. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    tictactoe, unfortunately you cannot control or dictate what he is thinking and nor is thought a crime or adultery. Yeah you should not worry about this unless you have material evidence to believe there is more to this or he is pursuing this further than the realm of old memories. From what you mentioned, it sounds like she rejected him plus she is married and has a kid now so I'd not worry about this too much.
     
  7. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    TT,

    The conversation between your husband and his friend were between them as peers. You shouldnt give undue weightage to it.. Friends talk all sorts of things since they grow up together.. Everything shouldnt bother you.

    Second, his conversation was, Why did she not accept me.. Bottomline, he was rejected ! So, he must be wondering and kindling his male ego ! :)

    You feel so sad about the conversation simply because he is yours and you are pocessive about him. That is normal.

    If you feel so offended tell yourself, Simply because I had to marry him someday and she was not the one for him.

    As far as he doesnt mock or simply tell things to tease you, LET GO.

    If he teases you and tells things on purpose just to irritate you, tell
    Maybe she wanted to be happy in life so, she rejected you ! :thumbsup But make sure, the sentence is said, only when you are being hurt intentionally, otherwise never tease another person including your spouse. When you do say that, carry your BEST SMILE too ! :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2010

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