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What Would Make You Throw In The Towel And End Your Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Patientone, Jun 29, 2019.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    Like what would be the end point to divorce? My health visitor visted me today and she was made aware of the problems between me and my husband like the arguments we have and its the second time she's been told about it. She asked me to decide what would be the last straw for me like it could go from arguments to physcial abuse. Some women would say the first time he hit me or some would say no he only hit me once. What would be the last straw? I think she just wanted me to look after myself instead of being so patient all the time. Dont get me wrong there hasnt been any physical abuse (yet)....
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    I just read a post asking about Chennai retirement homes. Only child living in America wants to get a His and Hers separate rooms in the same Home for her parents who had been fighting each other everyday since their wedding.

    Perhaps towel toss comes after children grow up, emigrate, and comeback to separate the jousters.

    Some marriages end in all ways, while cohabitation could continue. Living spitefully ever after! Pretty hard to project spite in absentia.
     
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  3. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Are there kids involved? Are u financially independent?
     
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  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Last straw.. blow to my self ‘respect’.

    I have no ego n have no hesitation to say sorry.
    No issues with adjusting n sacrifices, anything for the family.
    Am calm, patient n forgiving even with in laws, but all of this is not to be confused with weakness.

    Strength doesn’t equal to yelling n screaming or demanding or proving who’s right. But about standing up for what matters n never compromise on who you are inside. According to me, respect is very important in a marriage, when that is there, everything else follows.

    So any time if I am ‘insulted’, disrespected or treated like as though am not an another human being or as a life partner which will in turn affect my self respect, I have already told my spouse that I will walk out n am not scared of it. N he believes me.
     
  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I have been wondering about this during tough times in my marriage.

    What justifies ending a marriage? I am realizing it is different for different people. I know of someone that has endured verbal abuse for years but is still married. While another got a divorce because the husband was not ambitious / social enough.

    What is your tipping point ? Have you had enough? One need not wait for verbal abuse to escalate to physical abuse. Leaving , even if there is no physical abuse is ok !

    You do not have to answer this. Is there a reason there is a health visitor assigned ?
     
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  6. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    I think if ur a parent and I see this more in mothers they think about the repurcussion, the effect of divorce on the child. Women are naturally gifted a high tolerance level. More emotional, selfless n dedicated.

    Unlike men for whom the child wud b important more than the mother and they wud do nytin to take the kid from the mother without thinking twice.

    Their love for the women is till she begets him a child or rather 'his' child. And then after that its the mothers business, good r bad shez responsible.

    Have u ever heard society point a finger at a man for divorce. NO. But they will question a woman, dig deeper into her wounds and pound her with questions and ultimately write her off regardless the divorce is initiated from her end or the husband.

    If ur a woman without kids and if the going gets really tough in the marriage do take the liberty of doung whatever is in ur best interest. If ur a financially independednt woman just walk off, if not build that strength first and then move on.
     
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  7. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    I Should have divorced a long time back. But we like fools keep thinking that things will improve. And then its too late.
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Tossing the towel is such a loaded analogy. Insinuates that as long as the pugilists are fighting, no lips split and bleeding, no blood covering the eyes, no lying on the ropes being a punching bag, the trainer on the corner will not toss in the towel. We know that mummyji is in his corner. Who is in her corner ?

    For America resident desi couples, both earning mucho dinero, plus a couple of decades of loving relationship in a marriage, there would be a reason to get a divorce. As they say, money management would often be a prime cause. Some tax accountants might even recommend that, and suggest that they could continue to ... ahem... shack up after the divorce, and no one the wiser. Even after the Trump tax reform of 2018, the tax penalty for marriage lingers.

    A divorce between loving long term couples might happen ( only in America) when couples decide that a serious long term medical care of one should not totally deplete their nest egg and leave the surviving spouse in utter destitution. Divorce, and division of assets could happen in a timely manner, if the couple have good financial savvy, or good counsel from a pro.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2019
  9. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    OMG... this is the power of inertia. People can put one marginally tolerable day over another, and pretty soon they’d find that they had spent a lifetime. This is such an insidious and ubiquitous thing in many lives. Thank you @parvathi1980 .
     
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  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Look like you have crossed your tolerance level. Is your health affected by those issues? Is that a health visitor there. If you think your condition can improve by staying away from your husband, then go for it. Your life and health is important than anything else. If you have kids, a healthy mom can only take care of kids. Are you financially independent? Are you in India or in other country.

    Every ones have different tolerance level. For some even hitting once is enough to file divorce, or ema of husband. In some other cases emotional and verbal abuse....anything ..but I think almost all traditional ones tolerate to their maximum before taking a decision. So take a decision that is best for you.
    Read this post by Arushi,Life Lessons From My Divorce...
    It may give you a different perspective. If you provide more information, ILites will be able to give you more feedback
     
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