What was your inlaws reaction, when u revealed to them that you have conceived??

Hi Hema,

Not shocking to hear about your experience because many suffer the same fate at the hands of MILs. May be for some, things are different and they are lucky. For telling the MILs tell that there is no difference in their hearts in their love for DILs and Daughters. But the painful differences are openly seen on such occassions.

Here again I feel like saying that a woman's worst enemy is another woman. I do not know why the DHs keep quite at such times, after all they are also responsible for the health of their wives and the little life that both of them are bringing in the world. I do not think it is respect for the mother but a fear that keeps them mum or may be they do not understand what the wife is undergoing because they do not have the experience of bearing a child and undergoing those physical problems.

Well, that is why we must bring up the girls to at least be bold enough to care for themselves and their children, otherwise they will be left out simply suffering and crying, losing on health and still working like maids and slaves. Even maids would take a leave telling they are not well, but what can a DIL do?

Times have changed now and we muct bring changes in our mentality of bringing up girls so that they can stand for themselves.

 

this is how my mil's reaction. but i dont want to give up becoz of her i dont want to make my son lonely.
so i'm in my 11th week now. doing all the househodl chores without servant maid and cooking as per their menu( in my mom's place i was bought up like a doll).waiting to go to my mom's place for delivery.

thanking u.

thank u,[/quote]

Hey Roja,

What is wrong with your DH? Please do not take me wrong but I cannot stop myself from asking this. Is he not responsible for you and your child? How can he close his eyes even after you have suffered so much? Why do you do this to yourself? Don't you have even a little love for yourself and your kid? I know the circumstances may be so bad. But you must tell your husband that you need proper care for your health and that working like a maid(worse than that) would not be good for you both.

My heart pains when I hear such things . Sorry but please find a way to help yourself. You have to do it yourself. Do not ruin your health.

You say you were brought up like a doll, but now what happened? How can they see their doll suffer so much?

My motive is to only push you up to take care of your health, nothing else. MIL's behaviour is OK for an Indian MIL, but when will your DH realise things.

Sorry for showing my feelings in this way. But please take care of yourself and the child.

love

 

but irrespective of the MIL's feelings we need to go ahead with our pregnancy.Coming to my story my MIL was happy and my FIL was out of joy but could not express.​

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She always tries to command regarding what to eat and not to eat as I had m/c for the first time.but my hubby is very understanding and never force her rules ovr me.​

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I never listen to her and just pretend as if I am hearing.what ever may be now I am njoying my pregnancy.​

ovr all I need to admit that she is not toooo bad and she is happy for me.


@roja
i wish you to take care of ur health and have a deaf ear towards ur MIL as u r responsible for the growing inside you

 

Hi friends ,

Thank u for all ur advices , i felt very touching with ur replies as if i'm sharing with my dearest.

yeah i'm praying GOD very much that i have to go thru healthy pregnancy and have a healthy baby this time. tomorrow in 11th week i'm going to take NT scan whch almost clears if there is any problem ( doctor till now said that everything is fine this time)

and as per my dh he was very worried that i'm not gaining weight and lost 1 kg. i told him clear that in this circumstances whatever i eat goes for work, how can i gain weight, and the feeling that i'm treated in this manner makes me very much tensed. dh says dont take anything seriously, just leave it this time he is little bit concerned about my tense feeling with my mil but what use he has to go for 2 weeks trip for abroad which i'm against it, as only my son and mil we 3 have to stay till he comes.

another big joke was, my 1st pregnancy i wanted a girl very much but i had a boy, this time my dh told if we have a girl it will be nice ur wish will be fulfilled he told immeditely what i told na " i dont have any interest in girls, see we love so much, one day when she marries if her mil tells ur my servant maid can u bear it, or if she abuses with words can u bear it" he was shocked by my indirect saying that if her life is like mine what will u do.

the main problem with my dh is he doesnt react for anything he says just leave all those , dont hear.i dont have guts.

thast why i feel like some other frnds that a girl should be brought up very carefully with a strong mind that she can take up and fight for her problems intelligently.

thanks .

 

Gosh! I feel very sad to read that your MIL said those words to you. It would hurt for a long long time
I dont know why in indian society, the ILs believe that they are supposed to chalk out a plan and everyone else is supposed to work according to the plan.
I have been married for 2 years now, with a year spent living apart. We have been living together for a year now.
We are now in a position both emotionally and physically to start planning for a baby. We plan to not disclose this to my ILs. However, out of the blue today she sent us an email that mentions about documents required to get a visitors visa. We havent yet planned on inviting them over oz we both first wanted to bond well for atleast a year. And i dont know how good it will be to have ILs now when TTC Since I have never lived with thme before.
On asking, MIL says she wants to be here for my delivery:O and I thought we were just talking about conception I dont know what to do, coz everytime she points out that my shelf life is over since I am 29 She also showed our kundali to the astrologers and he mentioned that we (me and dh) will have a problem conceiving. This has been freaking me out to no end, eventhough I dont believe in horoscopes and things!
I am just ranting away..sorry if it is not related to this post

 

I am just wondering Roja will the situation improve if you both (you and DH) go for some birth training sessions etc? that way he will see other couples and might realize how precious a baby is how insensitive he is being?

 

@Roja

Dnt worry god is going to bless you with beautiful n healty baby.

It was brave of you to ask your husband the question, Yes what if his daughter is treated the same way would he not say anything or just keep quite saying i have no Guts :rant

Plz put your foot down and atleast during this time get a maid, no matter what your MIl says.

Plz take good care of your health.

 

Roja/ Blessed I really feel sad on hearing on such fates for many of us.

My case: MIL wanted me to produce a son by 1st anniv.. When I invited my DH's mother's mother.. to visit us she said once you produce a son I'll visit (no wonder MIL ,her Mother & daughter are of same feather). SIL used to mention I've produced a healthy/beautiful son.. my job is over & my DH shud be highly indebted to me for it..
Me nd DH were simply enjoying our lives until 3 yrs with no plannings on mind... 3rd anniv was the first time she threatened me with divorce... which I told my DH... which I think he further discussed with her & then things went out of gear.... She'd already made up her mind to get rid of me.

When my DH called her up & said ok now u can also start knitting socks.. she just hung the phone. He was more shocked than me since I knew how she wud react & I'd simply refrained talking to her since that threat. She's always been sugercoated & modern outlook lady to her son but a highly backward to me.

Finally at 6th mnth she created a silly misunderstanding and staged a drama to force separation... & my life's never returned to normalcy since then. Its a battle everyday to keep even DH on board since once the war became open and ugly she's tried all means to get her son back.. and no barriers left to further cross.

 

Count me in too your group.
Roja and Blessed,
I shed my tears by reading your stories.
Roja,
May god bless you with a healthy baby this time. Be positive towards your pregnancy.
More or less I too have the same kind of experience but not immediately but over a period of time during pregnancy, in their first visit after this news. Its been 3 years by now and my son recently celebrated his 2nd b'day.
The day I still remember, We were very happy about the pregnancy and informed my parents and my inlaws aswell, I haven't seen their reaction as we informed over phone. My inalaws are not outside persons but within relationship, who is my dad's own sister, I thought she might be on cloud 9 by listening to that news. During my 5th month, they came for a formal visit and shown hell to me by creating lots of issues. Irrespective of my working schedule and health, I prepared everything at home as they are very good eaters. I dont know what made her irritated till date. With ther two weeks visit, the mental trauma I went through, I took almost 2 mo nths to come back normal. Again she went to my house and compalained somany things to my parents. From then on, she came in 9th month for another week stay, again another hell to me as I was nearing my due and she needs lots of varieties to eat and simply takes rest and forces me to go office till due date. Ofcourse, I made to work from home, but its not a rest time for me but always running behing household chores during 10 days to my due date.
Dont know how my husband looks at me during their stay, may be he expects me to serve each and everything to them.
Again they came after my delivery and in hospital itself she made enough comments on me in rash voice. One of them I still rememeber - " I should get to know about value of having a SON", I dont know why she made such a statement but no matter its a son or a daughter for us.
Not even a single day she served me or my Son but expects me to work full time despite having a child. Infact I am not against to working but my son is my first priority. She is against to helping me as she is also working.
So requested my parents to take care of my son full time. Thts another story.
I still dont understand what made her so frustrated on me that day and why my husband couldn't show any reaction on it. He is neither against me nor his mother.
So keeping those experiences in mind, I stopped going for second kid.
So we ladies must move ahead with kids irrespective of inlaws or any external reasons.

 

My MIL said- Isn't its too early?
My FIL was happy and my husband siad- I am not ready. Abort if possible.
Now all of them cant live a second without my son.