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What was your in-lows reaction when you reveal your first pregnancy???

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Tugga, May 24, 2010.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    I am just curious to know what was the reaction of your in - lows when you told them for the first time about your first pregnancy?????

    I am pregnant now. Just found out my pregnancy recently with a positive urine test. We are so happy about this good news. Indeed, my roller coaster marriage life has taken a smooth ride from now onwards.

    First of all, I called my mom to inform this good news.. Indeed my mom was aware about my missed period, so she was longing to this news for some days. As expected my mom was sooooooooooo happy. Then on the same day this matter was shared with my younger sis and brother. Both were just too happy for me, and congratulated us. They have started telling this to our very close relatives as they keep on asking my mom about "any good news" since marriage.

    At the same time, I called my MIL (on the same day, same time - just 5 min later). She didn't reacted much. Just said a blank wish and asked me not to share this news with anyone (apart from my mom) as miscarriages could happen anytime during the first trimester, so I should keep my mouth shut until the end of 3rd month. I am so disapointed.

    Both my self and my DH are the elder children in our FOO. So I though there should be lots of expectations from my in-lows as this is going to be their first grand child. But my MIL repeatedly said these words, that's really affecting me.

    I have best friends, who shared their pregnancy info with me thoughout their TTC and even before they go for the urine test. There is nothing secret in between us. Also my maternal relatives are so caring and they are so happy about me now. Why my MIL wants to shut my mouth from sharing this good news????

    I have 2 simple concerns here:-

    1) I think this is the right time to share my happiness wth my loved ones, because its my first pregnancy. After 3 months this excitment may be gone

    2) I have a few closed ones... They share almost every good news with me.. and I expect such closeness from them too. If I keep this secret for the next 2 months and then reveal the fact about my pregancy (that time I will have to tell them that I am 3 months) after 3month, they will surely mistake me. Because, all of them keep on asking me/advicing me about this thing now.

    Today there is a function at my relative's place.. and we were supose to attend. I didn't travel due to my pregnancy, but my MIL has told them that I will not come due to fever. She asked me to maintain that lie and not to tell the truth...

    Ladies what say you????
     
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  2. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Tugga,
    Congratulations!!!! Great news. I am so happy for you and so happy to hear from you after a long time. Been busy huh...;-)...

    Well some people do this with their pregnancies. typically many women have miscarriages with their first pregnancy..( don't worry you will be fine). Thats why your MIL might have said so. The first 3 months thats 12 weeks go very fast... you are already 6-7 weeks pregnant maybe. This is their way of showing concern.

    However its upto you how you want to handle it. Take care.
    FL
     
  3. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Tugga

    Congratulations!

    It is really not the in-laws/parents reaction, but each person's reaction. Even in my case, my mom was more enthusiastic about the pregnancy then my MIL, but that didn't mean that she didn't care or anything. It's just that everyone in my family is more expressive than in my husband's family. And me and my husband ourselves waited until after our appointment with the doctor to announce to everyone about the pregnancy which was like in the 10th week. So don't stress about this, be happy and take care of yourself :thumbsup
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Tugga Dear

    Hearty Congratulations! very happy to know the news:2thumbsup: Please do not worry too much about anyone elses words or deeds now. Its all about you and only you and the baby so focus on your baby and husband. am sure you would handle things in a better way.good luck and wishing you a happy pregnancy!:queen
     
  5. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Tugga,

    Congratulations!

    I would say dont worry too much about the reactions. In my house, both my DH and mom did not want to tell everybody until after the 3rd month. Given a choice my MIL would tell everybody the same day. Your MIL's reaction is only telling about her sentiments on this. Many people share similar sentiments but it is not a rule to be followed word by word.My opinion there's nothing wrong in sharing if you want to tell your near and dear and dont take your MIL's words to heart. I know of many friends who told me in the beginning itself and who went on to have successful easy deliveries. Good luck! In future dont share information of this type where your and your MIL's ideas do not match to avoid unnecessary tensions.
     
  6. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Tugga dear,

    Your MIL's reaction is very normal and out of good will. I remember you saying how friendly she is with you. Tell you what, it is common practice in many household NOT to reveal the news till the 12th week. I think it is not only in India..
    I still remember.. I broke the news to my Manager, a Brazilian during a lunch meeting and his wife (she also accompanied our team) advised me NOT to tell anyone till the 12th week.

    My MIL said the same. It is just their anxiety that nothing should go wrong makes them react that way. It is their love and care expressed in a different way, Tugga.

    Even if it is not the case, think Positive and Be Happy. :thumbsup
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with True. I have also heard of pregnant women not telling until after the 3rd month, or being told to wait before spreading the news. I know it must have felt callous to hear her say that, but probably she did not mean it in a negative way. Could be she was also told the same thing when she was pregnant back in the day. And perhaps she is restraining herself from getting too excited in case anything bad happens. Some people are overly cautious like that.

    Don't worry Tugga. Everything will be fine. Luckily you have lot of other people to share your happiness with, and hopefully mil will join in your happiness a little later in the pregnancy. Since your mil has already told a lie to cover up your absence at the event, I would stick to her story just so she does not end up looking bad. If you still want to tell your relatives, why not host a little get together at your house and announce it that way?

    Either way, CONGRATULATIONS TUGGA! :thumbsup
     
  8. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    Congratulations.. wishing you a really lovely pregnancy..
    Abt your MIL, don't take it personally. Its a medically accepted fact in many places that the pregnancy need not be wholly viable till the 12 weeks are up.. Trust me, because its the way i experienced. The hospitals/midwives dont confirm your pregnancy until that week and your home test is waht you have till that time.. the first time you visit them is during that time :) .. its a shock for anybody whos coming from an overmedicalised country..

    But then it made sense that back home many ppl don't share the news with public before the 3 mnths.. ofcourse you always share the joy and news with your nearest and dearest, but dont take your MIL's word wrongly.. one of my closest friend shared the news to me towards the end of second mnth, albeit we not in contact that often.. but that was never taken as a bad sign on the friendship..

    oh and its very much the same way some ppl still believe not to get anything for the baby before he/she is born.. we got almost everything other than a full set of diapers i believe and my mum got some gold too for the baby before LO was born and this could be looked upon as huge taboo among many..
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  9. Induvadana

    Induvadana New IL'ite

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    Tugga,

    In my case it was my mom(after pregnancy test came positive) who told me not to tell anyone till 3 mon are over. I didn't follow her advice told freinds and Ils . After a month, I went for ultra sound, and they couldn't see anything. they said no pregnancy. Doc said probably stopped growing just a few days after pregnancy test. It is a common belief or caution, so that couple don't get too much disappointed later. chances of Miscarriage are high during first 3 months.

    If you choose to follow your Mil's advice, tell your parents, brothers etc to not tell anymore people and you can always explain the situation to your freinds. I am sure they also heard of this practice and will understand.
     
  10. Muskaan7

    Muskaan7 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Tugga,

    Congrats on your pregnancy!

    I would just reiterate what the others have said here. Dont take it in the wrong way. My mum herself said not to tell anyone during my first pregnancy. However my inlaws knew and a few close relatives on my hubby's side. It ended in a miscarriage and then had to tell those relatives again that I miscarried, which wasnt very pleasant. I had to hear things like "next time be more careful", "it was not meant to be" "did you eat anything out of the way", etc etc. People say not to tell till the 12th week just to be on the safe side.

    I am sure those friends of yours would understand if you chose to tell them after the third month, nothing wrong with that. But its your decision and if you want to tell them now itself, that's also fine.

    Take good care of yourself
     

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