what to do with -a momma's boy hubby n an insecure over possessive m.i.l

hi kenny....i am also married to an only child...and though i have FIL its equral to him not being there....i heardly hear anything from him...what ever my dh and mil discuss it only btwn them both...they leave Fil alone i n the room or hall....i am facing the same type of situation like in ur home...i am married for 1.5 years...me and dh started planning for kids when my mil arrived ....and suddenly my dh stopped spending time with me....so where r we gonna even have kids....till last month she used to blasbber abt kids soon..now shes started taking my weight issue n saying tht take sumtime till u both understand....same my dh is also saying...i find tht both my dh and mil r one team...if mil says dh follows or dh says mil follows....i think my dh is not a mammas boy he himsefl has sum stubborn qualities and want to get things done thru his mom...i find my self tossed btwn them both from time to time.....like a volleyball....i cant stick to building a relationship with eithe one of them..cos i keep getting tossed from here to there....u can read my posts kenny...i guess the situation i am facing has lead me to separate for i cant take this anymore..cosi dont find my dh even listeningto me...does ur dh listen to ur pain or concerns when u talk to him or he pushes u aside evertime u try to talk to him....my dh alwasy does tht...or pacifies by saying everthing will be fine u need to give time....u dont worry....but i face the same trouble again...i am now allowed to express or approach my dh for anything cos he hiself has closed his ears from me....i am shattered now....i cant see a clear happy path in front of me anymore

 

Kenny i have tried every possible way on earth....talking politely,emotionally,crying,firm,reverse psycology...atleast ur husband pays attention to u when u speak but mine doesent even do tht...he is very distractive...when im speaking he will concentrating or if not he will "start" concentrating on sumthing else and try to divert the topic....i feel" unheard"....i have come over to my parent house today and just waiting what to do...havent told my dh as yet ...still hoping things would be fine....nothing will change unless he realises what hes doing to our relationship

 

Dear Icy,

I have been reading ur posts and know that u are hvaing a hard time with ur mil and hubby, but let me tell you one thing - leaving/seperating is not the option ! Are you sure that when u seperate and get married again the second husband is not going to be like the first one and the inlaws are going to be really nice !!! No you dont know that !!!!

Also the underlying wish for all mils are that the dil should leave and go so that they can have their way and have their son back ! And if u seperate ur mil will get her way ! And let me tell u ur hubby wont be affected a bit, cos its easier for guys to get married again as compared to women and also cos ur hubby is living in dubai - which is abroad for every girl in india, there will be heaps of them who will want to get married to him !

Running away from the situation is no solution and for how long will u keep running away !

My mil gave me a very hard time - she made her brother migrate to australia from india, made him stay with us, he used to be puppet on my mil, then she send her another son to australia by emotionally balckmailing my hubby, by lieing and telling him false stories, all these people wanted to stay in my house so that they dont hve to struggle much - told my hubby to speak to my parents and complain about me and my hubby threatened my parents that he will divorce me, then my hubby started living with his brother and uncle for a while cos his om used to tell him to do so......the list is endless......u cant even imagine all the horrible things my mil has done and made my hubby do them as well....But the outcome is that tdy my hubby has realised that noone in this world is going to be there for him other than his wife and we are together and his uncle and brother are not at all in touch with him ! I felt like walking out of this marriage lot of times as well, but If I would have done that everyone would have had their way, but instead I stayed, let him go and live with his relatives (my hubby practically left the house cos his mother poisoned him so much against me ) and that is when he realised that his family is no less !

Giving up is no solution according to me........They were all determined to either contorl me, make me live my life their way or throw me out ! I decided otherwise for myself and fought back - cos I decided as long as I stay these people will have a hard time and did that !

Dont think that all these years have not had any impact on me...big impact - My mum was hospitalised cos of all this, I did not have kids all this while, career suffered (cos if u are not going to work, calling in sick all the time - u will be fired ! ), had to go for counselling ! I had to do all this when I was alone and by myself in australia - without even single member of my family being around and my hubby's relatives were here and making this mess !

I have come out victorious only cos I stayed and fought back !

At the end its ur decision !

Tc girl

 

Goodness!

Your husband is to be blamed..
He doesn't know to manage the two women in his life.. And what he has to give each of them with respect to their roles in his life.. Not seeing the big picture.. :thumbsdown

First of all, why do you let her take control of the kitchen just on weekends???

Don't ask her whether you can cook this or that.. Just tell her that you are going to be doing that..

And go sit with them when they have their late night chat.. Just to annoy.. teehee :crazy

 

Hi Kenny, If she is sleeping in your room because she also want an AC and if your husband is not so prompt in getting one...will it be possible for you to buy an AC for her room? I ask this since I read you are also working, then she wont have any excuses to sleep btn you both. Tell your hubby that if he is still going to laze around about fitting an AC in her room you are going to do it.Give him one more week and if he still doesnt bother try doing it yourself...I think overall it will take only 1-2days.

 

Kenny,
Seriously, the problem is with your husband!
Does he even understand the concept of privacy??!!
A mil who sleeps in the same room!! Really weird people.. Even a kid would have sense enough to leave you some space..

Deal with your husband first! Bring this up and talk to him.. be clear..

First think about what you are going to say and HOW!

How you put it is important..

 

I have been married to mama's boy for the last 12 years and trust me, it wasn't an easy ride. Mine was a love marriage but couldn't figure out this thing before marriage. Dumb me :bonk. I lived with my inlaws for around 3 years then we moved to US. Even after coming to US, he was remotely controlled by her.
He changed a lot after having kids, I involved him with kids all the time. I always tried to bind him with kids. He eventually stopped thinking about his mom all the time and started paying attention to kids and then eventually me. Believe me , blood is thicker than water.
Right now, his mom is his blood while you aren't. But when kids come in life, men change a lot. I could do that because I wasn't living with her. It might me a bit harder for you because she is with you guys. Now my advice to you...........
Don't live by her rules. Make your own rules. Life is short so live it fully. Don't waste it by thinking about her.GET HER OUT OF YOUR HEAD FIRST. If your husband doesn't listen to you right now don't fret. Go out with your friends and have fun. You will end up spoiling your own health if you will stay with them all the time. If I were you I will make myself look gooooood all the time, get out of the house with my friends and make my husband jealous so that he will be one who will need me and that will make your mil jealous :biglaugh. Go for it girl, win your war against your mil and remember. No crying in front of your mil and husband. That will make them look like winner. Always laugh and show that "I don't care about you" kind of attitude. Have fun and masti during the week and keep smiling during the weekend. Who will like to listen to an old woman's whining when there is one smiling, happy, pretty girl in the house always ready to have fun.