What to do in such situation of husband wanting to leave me alone?

Shanthi · Aug 18, 2007

Hi Diana,
I have been a silent reader of this thread for long. I have sympathized with you but didn't know what to say. You were doing everything you could and your hubby was not responding. Today morning when I read your thread I was shocked , surprised and Happy for you. Wanted to hold you hands and say a big Congratulations!:2thumbsup:

When I was reading I was hoping that you really didn't leave your family, and yes that was what happened. I can imagine your level of frustration if you were ready to even leave your kids with him . So far your husband had taken you for granted, " Where is she going to go, she is afterall my wife". But now that he realised that you will not just stay and take his indifference his eyes has opened.

Ofcourse Thank GOD for making him realise that. I realise that women have to stand up for their needs, husbands will never give it to is unless we make a demand.

I am so happy for you and your children. Have a great life.

Love,
Shanthi.

mithili · Aug 19, 2007

diana said: ↑

Hi friends,

3 months after posting my problem on this forum, I have again come with my same problem but with different situation.

End April my hubby got a job here in Kuwait through my sister's husband and he came here. Last month when my sister's husband informed that there was a chance for a job for me here too (in my bil's Company), my hubby brought me here along with our kids. A week after I came here i started working.

I was very happy in coming here, as i thought i will get more time alone with my hubby (without his/my family).

As I stay close to my sister now, I informed her about my problem with my hubby. She insisted that on weekends to send my kids to her place, to play with her kids, so that I can spend enough time with my hubby. But when my hubby sees that he is alone with me, he makes excuses and goes out of the house, keeping me all alone at home. It just seems like he wants to get away from me. I really dont know what i can do to make my situation better.

The other problem is, I have no other support from him, in any work. Here I have to see my job, kids, house work and also kids school/studies. He doesnt help me with anything. Leaves everything on me. It was ok when i was in India. I had help from others, but after coming here i feel all alone.

When i have to go anywhr i cant even leave kids with him, thinking he will take care, cause he says that if i have to go, i either have to take them along or leave them at my sis place, he will not be able to manage. My sister on and off helps me, but she has her fly to see too.

I had even asked my sis hubby to speak to my hubby about his probelms, and when he spoke to him, he straightly refused saying that he doesnt like to speak in this matter.

Inspite of all my above problems, I dont fight or argue with him. I am basically a soft spoken person. I rarely lose my temper. But also i am very sensitive, all this hurts me alot within.

Please friends advise me as to, what i can do in such situation.

Diana
Click to expand...

hai!!
pls fight ,but dont let him go out of ur hand.make him a bit more angry..when he gets anger shower ur love..fascinating him...!!!do sumthing tht gets to his notice..sumthing intelligent and witty...

diana · Aug 19, 2007

Dear friends,

Thanks alot. Yes my patience have paid up and all because of the Almighty God and the prayers and good wishes of friends here at IL.

What i would like to say to all women at IL, never give up your self for others. Be who you are. Spread love & you will get love in return.

Women are far courageous than men. Never let others make you a sacrificial goat. Stand up high and move along. God is always there with you.

All the best.:2thumbsup:

Diana.

manjumnair · Aug 20, 2007

Hi Diana,

I read your posts, first time today... When I came to the end of your thread, I felt really happy and want to congratulate you... You saved your marriage

May God Bless you and your family, a very happy life hereafter...:wave

rajmiarun · Aug 20, 2007

Hi Diana,
It is always easy to break a marriage than keeping it intact. But in the deep of his hearts, you husband has started loving you and was in want of you. That shows by his behaviour of hugging you. That change would have occured when your first kid was born. But just out of sheer male ego he didnot show his affection. Also he would have thought that you will be bound to be in the marriage for your parents and especially your kids. But when you decided to walk out, his love has come out.

Now it has come to light that he wants his kids. Leave your kids with him. Leave the house with some responsibilities for him. If he didnot complete the chores dont fret, but remind him. After sometime probably a month or so I think you will have the greatest surprise.

ALL THE BEST

Jananikrithsan · Aug 21, 2007

That's great to hear Diana, All the best.

Shanvy · Aug 23, 2007

Diana,

Love when unconditional does move even a rock. what with added patience you have made a success of your marriage. it is easy to break but harder to keep it intact.

Regarding his not helping at home, tell him in different ways- start with asking the kids to ask their dad in thier childish innocence to help in homework.
make the kids go and sit with him. talk to him, just a hug, a l love you dad make him get involved. There are times when the father's dont know how to deal with kids. the reason is obvious - they will cite i have never seen my father do it. (you can reply back, if your father did not do it, it does not mean you should also not do it:tongue ) for a start.

Regarding his being in a shell, since he has started feeling insecure that you may leave, he will be in a position to listen. so talk. not going strong this could make him retreat. just start with hints

dont ask your sisters husband/or any body else to talk in these matters. these are matters which are very sensitive. it is you and your husband who have to talk.

Wishing you more and more happiness.

diana · Aug 23, 2007

Thanks friends i appreciate your advices and wishes.

Knowing my husband all these years, i am very well aware that things wont change so soon. However a bit of change i have seen and that is, before whenever i used to talk to him, he either would go to sleep or move out of the room, but would never respond. But now he doesnt do that, he hears me out and just says 'do what you feel is best for you'.

About my kids, all their life they have been only dependant on me, cos whenevr they ask their father for anything, he would turn them to me. So for them their life only revolves round me. He loves them but is not a doting father. As my husband gives his entire salary to me, he expects me to meet their needs.

Being married for about 7 years now, he is still not a family man and lives life of a bachelor. One thing good about him is, he is neither an alcholic nor an abusive man. He is just a reserved quiet person.

The thing i still regret is, i never had the initial lovey-dovey honeymoon life with him and cannot expect now, after 7 years. But then, from now on, i feel he will be there when i need him, i just hope so.

If i speak i will go on and on.. let me wind here. Thanks for all your support

Diana.