What To Do? Help Needed!!!please Read

I guess you need 1 year bank statement. No one will ask entire history. Some period will be there. when did you transfer money to your dad?

 

Your H handled the wedding part very gracefully. Kudos to him. His anger on you about sending money to your parents is justified as your dad didnt return the money. Your dad should atleast give the timeline as to when he will repay the money to save his respect..else he should have performed wedding in low budget. He can't have best of both worlds here. The same way, he should also return the money that you gave. Indian society is still living in traditional way.

Your doubt on your H is totally weird. What made you think that he is bad?

Since your H has good intentions of buying a house and securing your future, I would say its good to save money for that purpose. Unless, its a dire need to pay gold loan, you shouldn't send money. Let the loan be there until your brother starts earning.

 

I prefer to have openness in couples, in all issues, including money matters.
I think you should discuss this with your husband.

Take care.

 

Dear OP,

Having transparency between couples is always good, but it depends on the compatibility & understanding levels of the couple....

Helping your parents is your responsibility too, it's not only your brother's......I am surprised that your husband is expecting your dad to return the money which he helped during the wedding......that's your husband's wedding too......I agree girls parents generally spend on the wedding, but being an educated & earning well in US, your husband's expectation & stopping you from helping your parents is really not appreciated.

First check with your husband how many months bank statements he need to apply for loan, then accordingly check your statements, if you find any transfers to your parents, then tell your husband that you just lend the money to your parents and they are going to return that money to you, also tell him that you forgot to share this information with him......

Does your husband sends money his parents or he takes his parents responsibility? If so, then slowly try to explain him that even you want to help your parents, as they are your parents and they are in need of help.....and they provided you with good education & good life equally with your brother without any bias that you are a girl.....then why should the question comes only son's has to take care of parents, why not daughter's?????

Where is the question of equality now? Girls also get everything equally with their brothers, infact more than the bothers in the form of dowry & jewellery.......then why shouldn't daughter's take their parents responsibility?

 

If your husband wanted your father to repay the wedding money he should have clearly said so. Your poor father is not a mind reader. He probably thought your DH was being generous. And your father was prepared to do a simple wedding due to financial circumstances. It looks like your husband was too scared to go against his parents. He needs to drop this topic. It's high time this concept of the 'girl's' side paying for everything changes anyway. It was your husband's wedding too.
As for sending money to your parents, don't do it secretly. You have every right to help your parents, just as your husband would help his. You didn't stop being their daughter after marriage. Discuss with your husband a set budget for both sets of parents, then do it.

 

I agree to some comments that men and women should be given equal rights. But if OP came to US and studied with husbands money, then OP's dad also should return the money to OP's H.

 

I thing you are misusing the trust of your husband and trying to find fault on him for your's and your father's mistakes. Sending money for maintenance of your parents is different from offering help to pay for your father's gold loan. In the later case your father must return the money, in fact, he should not even take without the knowledge of your husband and without commitment for returning the money, that is the ethical part of it. No mature man will accept money silently like this, sorry to say this.

The best course of actions is to confess with your husband and ask for his support, there will be a storm initially but your husband seems to be good man and he will settle if you can convince him that you are trustable. I am sure that you will eat his brain out if he did similar thing for his father without your knowledge. So, face it, and settle it straightway, and make the financial transactions clean however close the relationship is.

 

Op...it was his wedding too.More importantly,it was his father who wanted a grand wedding which he contributed to.He should have refused to marry if he has issues with paying a part of his wedding.

As for sending money home,your parents raised and educated you like his did.If he thinks he has a duty towards his parents,so do you. There is no need to feel guilty.Explain it to him when he gets the bank statements.

Tell him his thinking was okay for times when girls didn't earn and did not have a right to inheritance.With right to education and right to inheritance comes the duty towards taking care of parents.

 

Your husband seems pretty understanding to me. I know it sounds very selfish when he asked about the money he gave, but practically speaking he is a lot more generous than other men. I am sure if you tell him patiently and politely he will understand. Tell him it is a loan and it will be paid back, it won't be kept forever as a loan. You need to be careful in money matters OP, they will create problems even in the most intimate relationships. Please be careful. Would you like it if DH starts giving money to someone else? Think in his shoes. It is okay to give money to parents but you should be honest and transparent about it especially if your spouse is the understanding type.