What sin have I done to get this punishment in my life?

icyspicy · Feb 3, 2010

I did and behaved as u guys told me to ...from the past 2 weeks i have been happy in what god has given me and what my husband has decided...i stopped asking him too many question stopped talking to im abt our intimacy issues i stooped even being angry...by gods grace i didnt get angry for anything ....but opposite happenes he started getting angry at me for small things like water heater is not switched on when he gets up....he got angry when v went out ..he was hungry by mistake i ordered less chips cos when i asked him he agreed 1st..when i came to him with it he told me he wanted more...in tht crowd near the creek he left me and stood far away near the pole side...i went to him and told him ill get more chips and tht he cls take tht one i brought...he told me to get lost and didnt want to see my face....i told him when u r anger cools down u come i l lwait in the car...i started walking after 2 mins he came behind me ad screamed ....so many ppl were walking past by...i started shivering....i asked y he did such a thing....i told hom to sit in the car ...v reached home n was at myself..he came to me and apologised...he apologises for so many things and repeats them...he once also took chair in his hand to hit me....from 3 days v r not communicating properly...in intimacy he is so concious to even do it unprtected even once....y am i given this punishement?....y dosent he even talk to me or listen to me...my inlaws will be coming next week..i fear for the worst!

jananirbk · Feb 3, 2010

Dear IcySpicy!!

I have not read your previous threads!! but regarding this issue, I just got an suggestion!!!! Whenever husband got upset or angry, just treat him like a child!! What you will do if ur child gets angry over something or got upset for some silly things, and shows the agony on u?? Do you shout at the child and beat him and make him cry more, or will you cry for his behavior, or will u try to console him and change his attention to something else interesting? If he beat u with his small hands, can u able to beat him? Thatz wat I suggest for your husband also!! After all, He got only you to burst out his emotions!! Throw your ego out and handle him like ur child at such situations and u will feel the difference! He will always look for you to share at times if things go wrong!! Hugs to you!! Life is in ur hand!! Dont get bottled up with negative emotions!! Smile and You have the answer within urself. You just think what u would suggest if you are a counselor and if ur best friend comes up with a problem like urs? U have the answer.:thumbsup
Love, Janani Natarajan

asuitablegirl · Feb 3, 2010

Tell him that if one more time he shouts at you in public, you won't be going out with him anymore. Basically, he needs to learn how to behave. Should have learned that earlier in life, but guess it's better late than never.

About intimacy... get on birth control pills or use condoms. He is smart not to want to risk a pregnancy right now. You both aren't getting along, now isn't the time for a kid. Talk to him about what type of birth control he'd be comfortable with. It's very common for sex to become nerve wracking when one or both people are terrified of an unplanned pregnancy.

About your mil coming... you could have married a Westener who doesn't believe in living on top of parents. Or you could have married a forward thinking, independent Indian man who valued his own space. But you married YOUR HUSBAND, knowing that he is the type to live within inches of his mom. What did you expect??? Yes, I feel sad that you will have to live with your mil. But, it's hard to give suggestions for that now, since the best thing would have been to find out before marriage how the living arrangments would be. Knowing that in Indian culture it's the norm to be eternally damned by parents, you should have kept your eyes open before marriage and looked for somebody wanting to stay seperate. Now it's too late!!

icyspicy · Feb 8, 2010

thnks for ur reply a suitablegirl....u r right v both dont want kids right now ...but there r safe days right....i have told him abt safe times but still then he says hes used to IT....was surprising ow can a man prefer THAT when his wife wants him not to use it ...he dosent even want to not to use it even once....im totally confused

icyspicy · Feb 8, 2010

This is not it...he wants intimacy only once a week...i control my feeling just for him for the whole week and i end up getting frustrated....i dont know y he has reduced it to such an extent....things wee good for 2 months from the time v came bak from india last november things started changing

asuitablegirl · Feb 8, 2010

Icy.... I wish I could be of more help, but right now I'm going through hell in my married life, as you can read about in my latest post. So sorry dear that I can't be of more help, my mind is just not working today. Hope some of the other wonderful ladies on here can help you out...