What should the deal-breakers be in a marriage?

No it isn't

I wasn't talking of many marriages but only my envision of companionship. I've no working knowledge of arranged marriage nevertheless have great admiration for meditated nuptials on hearing so many blissfully arranged & married couples in this forum who fostered deep affection adagio.

 

Let me tell you a funny thing:

Wifey goes to a marriage counsellor narrating hubby's negative traits. Counsellor listens to the entire story and advises the lady:

"Your marriage is pretty much over. Here is my advice and do this - treat your husband like a KING for a whole 30-day period and then DUMP him suddenly - without any notice or explanation!! That would be the best revenge."

She goes home, treats her hubby like a KING for the next one month. Down the road, the lady and the counsellor happen to run into each other at a mall and the counsellor asks her, "How are are the divorce proceedings going?"

Wifey replies, "Are you CRAZY?? After treating him like a KING for 30 days, I've realized that he is the BEST husband in the whole, entire world! I'm NEVER going to leave him!! Never!"

Bottom line - it goes both ways. If you want to be treated well, bring the change in yourself first.

 

If am unable to trust life partner for any reason (physical, emotional abuse,cheating,withholding important decisions or any other reason) that would be the deal breaker.

 

If you are not fighting often enough, there is something terribly wrong with your marriage. You fight because you want correct your spouse and stay with your spouse - if you don't you are not committed/interested in keeping your marriage and looking elsewhere already.

If you argue and win over your spouse, you would make your other half a loser and you end up living with a LOSER!! You know how a loser can make your life miserable. Sometimes it is good to let go off the argument and be a loser yourself and let your spouse win the argument - and SMILE

 

Argue for what? Depends on the reason, you can argue to make the spouse self realize on a lot of issues, correct him/her and to understand the situation.

When the argument ends in understanding the situation where is the concept of winner or loser. It culminates in a better understanding couple and still ends in SMILE . In couples there is no concept of winner or loser. Infact in a mutually understanding couple both are winners as they both would adore each other, inspite of the arguments.

 

^ self realize means he realizes entirely on his own. The minute we argue to "force him to self realize", there is no more self realize

 

Hi,

We don't have to force anything. But some people don't have this innate ability to have clarity of situation. You can call it arguing or prodding but the end result is to see the clear picture.

Just like we seek all the gurus or scriptures to self realize. It does come through others knowledge, right. Not an innate self realization without reading other sources, if many are able to do so then why do we have so many ways to teach us.

The situation happens here at home. We do that for a lot a people from kids until adult hood. Some are fast learners, some need prodding or in case of spouse can even call it argument.

Regards,
Vaidehi

 

Yes the key thing is we seek. Not the other way around. Gurus dont prod us, but we have to seek the knowledge.

Realization can only happen when we ourselves seek it. Not because others tell us to seek it.