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What should the deal-breakers be in a marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Amica, Feb 11, 2016.

  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    True that. Thank you!
     
  2. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes! Love me, love my pet. :rotfl
     
  3. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @poovai, @anika987, @SGBV, @kcb, @sdiva20, @SadMarried, all of you mentioned EMA ...

    Is EMA always the end of the marriage? I see so many posts on IL where everyone advises the OP to get parents and in-laws involved to stop the EMA and save the relationship.
     
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    For me deal-breaker is feeling lonely in a marriage with no apparent (expressed or implied) love for self, spouse and children.

    Viswa
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    EMA is a deal breaker.

    personally,it is very insulting for a woman to her ego,self esteem etc when her hubby is having an affair.More than that,the trust and love she had for her husband is all broken.

    life is not a movie where the heroine overlooks the hero's faults.

    real life does not work like that.

    the love,the intimacy,the romance,the trust gets all shattered with EMA.
    It should never be forgiven.it cannot be also.
    next time the woman tries to get physical wit her hubby,she can only imagine her hubby doing the same things to the other girl.imagination itself is soooooooo painful..

    it is one of the worst crimes ever.EMA.yes,a crime.
     
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  6. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    The tolerance level/forgiveness may varies person to person, and from generation to generation. There is no absolute answer for right or wrong in a marriage relationship. When someone say, it should be forgiven and for another, it will be a big NO.

    EMA - previous generations of women may have overlooked/looked away because of society tag of divorcee or financial burden of supporting themselves. This is someone voluntarily committing the act by knowing what he/she is doing it. Mostly, it will be an ongoing thing until 'caught red-handed'.

    Mental illness - the definition varies from depression to uncontrollable abusive behavior. This doesn't come up out of the blue/overnight, most parents knew about their kid's behavioral problem from childhood and put him/her through marriage, thinking that it will go away. It will be very hard for me to handle it, because I am seeing the pain that is causing to someone closer to me.
     
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  7. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    for me EMEA is definitely deal breaker. i have gone through so many ups n downs in my marriage, have been through so many things which anyone else could have taken as deal breaker, but this one thing, i would not even think twice or consult anyone before chhosing as deal breaker.
     
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  8. Elphaba

    Elphaba New IL'ite

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    I 'liked' your post!
    Just want to say - "Hey, I really love this pointer"
     
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  9. Elphaba

    Elphaba New IL'ite

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    The breakpoint will be 'estrangement' or as Viswa uttered 'loneliness' which could subsequently tempt or lead to other conventional frailties like adultery, abuse or abandonment.

    If I fall out of love, then I'll walk out even from a comfortable and functional marriage. I feel unfair on my part to limpet to my partner denying him the joy to be with someone he could love again because of societal taboos or incertitude of my own future. I'm talking of progressive and liberal societies not promiscuous and libertine where people naturally fall in and fall out of relationships while seeking enriching and rewarding life with their loved ones and truly believe it is essential to be in nurturing relationships imbued not only with 'love' but also the elixir of love i.e, 'romance' between a couple.

    Nothing is overrated or hyped about L'amour, l'amour! Oui, son ardeur
     
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  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    Golden quote to be etched in the hearts of every man and woman. Workable arrangement, compromise in consultation with friends and relatives, promises not to indulge in EMA or abuse again, apologizing for leaving wife and children abandoned for a prolonged period of time without asking them to join back, etc. are only a beginning of reestablishing the core trust and belief in each other to love unconditionally. In simple terms,they are not the solution but steps towards a solution.

    Societal fear, adjusting life in order not to disappoint parents, accommodating for the purpose of the children, financial reasons, etc. are good cause but something more has to be done to reestablish the bond and that glue has to be found together by both.

    In my view, the couple are like parallel railroad track with gap but should be able to run together to take the load of the train sharing the responsibility equally. They both should bend wherever necessary but being together makes it worthwhile.

    Viswa
     
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