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What Should I Do Now - Any Advise Is Greatly Appreciated

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happygirl6, Dec 16, 2018.

  1. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    Am noticing few things here:
    - Looks like your husband was living overseas even before you got married and you came here after getting married. People here like to do additional activities other than just working i.e. what he could be mentioning about going for yoga, gym, volunteering and other stuff.
    - You never mentioned about his family. What does his family think about all this? How are his parents reacting to it? I am getting a feeling that he was forced for this marriage or he is suffering from either BPD or NPD. Either ways not your problem. Better to get out of such a relationship.
     
  2. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    He could be suffering from Bipolar Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Or simply was not interested in this marriage or was a forceful marriage.
     
  3. Sofea

    Sofea IL Hall of Fame

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    Happygirl, why do you want to bother about the society? Where was this so-called society when you were abused by your H? Did they come to your assistance? Did they comfort you? Did they confront your H? Do you think that even if this so-called society get to know the truth about your H, they will stop thinking bad about you? Definitely not!

    This society is bent on telling us women on how to live our life. They have an opinion about everything, regardless of how good we are to them. That's just the way the society is. You just need to start ignoring the society and live for yourself now. Forget what people talk about you. Their views should not concern you. They are not in your shoes to know what went wrong.


    I don't think any parents would be in pain knowing that their child had escaped from a mentally ill psychopath.
    Yes, they would be hurt knowing that their child had to endure all this torture but I'm sure when they know the truth of what you went through, they would be more relieved than anything.

    You don't have to be alone if you don't choose to be. Getting married and having kids are not the only important thing in life. Get a good job, make friends, start going out, participate in activities that interests you. get a hobby. You will find that you will never be lonely. If you meet a lovely guy, don't hesitate to go out with him. You will find that when you open up about the world, the world too will start opening its arm to you. Be happy Happygirl. Everyone deserves to be happy. You deserve to be happy.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  4. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    He initiated the divorce process? very good. Go for it, less headache of mutual consent for you.
    Go back to india. You deserve better. people like him are never happy. It would be in your best interest to leave him. Do not beg and all.
    Stop for a second and think what solution would you give, if you were reading your own best friends story. Surely you will ask her to leave the abusive husband. Please do yourself this favor, leave him.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2018
    shravs3 likes this.
  5. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    Very true. Oh my god. this is a horror story. Without any reason the day he said divorce. you should have said go for it.

    living with such people they will suck every happy life out of you and still blame you for it. society is a joke. no one actually cares to help anyone.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    When he has already initiated then I think no point in staying in this relationship.
    List out all his +ve and -ve.
    If -ve > 70% ,then convince yourself that he is not at all right fit for you
    Don’t bother about society.
    When he took the D word right after marriage, it means that he was either forced or he got married for time pass
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2018
    Happygirl6 likes this.
  7. kavikuyil

    kavikuyil Senior IL'ite

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    Society doesn't have time to think of you. They are busy thinking about themselves and what other ppl are thinking about them.. What if they think crap about you, talk behind your back? So what? How does it even matter to you? Let them think whatever... Take your time to heal from this abuse, take care of yourself, show yourself some love and kindness! Breathe free, Live your life in your terms!

    Btw, all that video and behavioral analysis nonsense is quite telling that he's been thinking about divorce since the beginning and working towards that - gathering evidence. Don't engage him in any conversation - go talk to your lawyer, and gather all documents you need and get whatever financially he owes you.

    It's war time! Don't reveal your cards to him earlier than needed.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  8. Happygirl6

    Happygirl6 Bronze IL'ite

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    His parents are not at all reacting . They were like my son took the decision already.he has got some psychic disorders. I was working in us before getting married to him. I too feel he has some disorder but if it was forced marriage I don’t know why he came to my house and acted as if he was interested and told me that he will change his qualities for me if I don’t like any . But after second day itself he spoke about D word and continued from then ..I seriously cannot understand him.
     
  9. Happygirl6

    Happygirl6 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hmm if he was forced I don’t understand why he acted as if he is interested before marriage and on the second day he spoke about divorce. The reason he tells about speaking the word is I told him to eat by spoon instead of his hand it seems . Actually that was true. That’ was very lame to look at how he is eating because he spits in his own plate. I told him not to do that and he used divorce word and took me from the restaurant.
     
  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    What is the use of all this postmortem? Look, you tried your very best. It didn't work out. Now all you can do is move forward. I understand you are grieving the relationship but in the long run, you will see that you are better off without this guy. Imagine walking on eggshells for the rest of your life - are you saying the right thing, are you doing the right thing, are you doing everything he wants you to, are you maintaining your desirability quotient, earning potential, etc. It's an impossible standard to achieve and you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain if you continued in the marriage. Look at his divorce initiation as a way out of your misery and do everything for it to proceed smoothly. Even if he changes his mind, you walk away. You truly are better off single than married to someone like this man.
     
    mangaii and sneha1985 like this.

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