What should i do for my DD's bday - highly confused

Vedhavalli · Feb 12, 2015

I'm here again with a query

Let me give you all a back drop

Totally un co-operative inlaws, they visited my DD only twice during hospital and naming ceremony.

Never cared to ask who will look after the kid, when you join the work (i have to work as we have home loan - emi).
ILs have to invite baby n me from parents place to theirs on DD's 3rd or 5th month.They dint do it.

MIL only after money and she calls only when they have physical and monetary problem.
We have to her slave when they are in need/help. Will never respond damn care when i and hubby have problem. We too had healt issues after my c-section and hubby had kidney stones.
Last year she dint wish my hubby on his bday, nor our wedding day.
Never called us home for Diwali, pongal or any festival. Though we live in same city.

Now coming to the point - DD's first bday apporaching

If doing at home means - i want to invite my parents and sister and DH's parents and sister alone. But since MIL lives with sisters and bro in the same house in different floors. Its not possible to invite MIL and FIL alone. I have invite MIL's entire clan which would be 20 odd people. And FIL would make a scene to invite his clan too.

Confused about the state. We can bear min expenses only. Budget would be around 40K.

Do we have to do at home or in a party hall with guests.
Home means, only my mom and sister would be helping.
Please pour in your suggestions what should i do for my DD's bday.

Note: u guys would have seen they dint participate in dd's tonsure too giving lame excuses

KashmirFlower · Feb 12, 2015

As it is baby's 1st b'day you may want to invite all and from then on for 2nd , 3rd... b'days, you can celebrate only close families. This way no body will think "oh, we r not invited."

what is ur husband's opinion? if he wants them in the party ?

Celebrating in a party hall is good so that u can enjoy the party instead of taking care of guests needs like serving food/arranging things for them etc.

SGBV · Feb 12, 2015

what is your husband's opinion about all this/

birthday parties should be celebrated for the baby, and memories... Not to please anyone's ego.

if you have reasonable money to invite both parents and siblings of the spouses, then go ahead and celebrate it at home. Because it is not many crowded, cheap, and not that much of help required.

If avoiding mil's siblings and their family isunavoidable since they live closely, then invite them. Again, some 20 off numbers won't make too much crowd to book a party hall. Cheap, and managable at home.

If you do not have that closely living relatives from your parents' side, or inviting them from far is not required, then don't invite them. Just because your MIL invites her people, does not mean you too have to do the same. It is gonna be your money... Find all the posibilities to save it.

At the same time, just because you don't have closely living members in your FOO, does not mean you should place the same rule for your husbands' side too. See what is cheap and best.

What matter the most is,... your kid and his/her parents should be happy, content and relaxed on this day...My relatives vs your relative drama is an unwanted pain in a happy moment. So, avoid it

swiss · Feb 12, 2015

Hi,
Since it is first birthday..you can invite everyone.. Dont expect much help from inlaws though...
As you have budget constraints you can celebrate at home and order food from outside .. This way you can save on the party hall expense and reduce the chores at home..
Happy Birthday to your DD.

Brevity · Feb 12, 2015

Call only whom you want to. if that number is 10, so be it, if not 100. If you were having the party at in-laws house you may feel obliged to call the relatives living in the same building. But since you are having at your own house call only people with whom you want to share that moment. decide with your dh and stick to your decision sighting space constraints etc. If you are calling in-laws' siblings then what about your parents'?

armummy · Feb 12, 2015

What is you husbands opinion in this ?

Regarding wishing you guys and calling to their home in festivals , I am assuming you are doing the calling always and inviting them to your house for festivities .. Am I right ?

dimhere · Feb 12, 2015

Vedhavalli said: ↑

ILs have to invite baby n me from parents place to theirs on DD's 3rd or 5th month.They dint do it.
Click to expand...

Really??? You need an invitation to go to YOUR home.. which you call as "THEIRS" ??

Vedhavalli · Feb 13, 2015

dimhere
: It's a ritual to take DIL and grand daughter to take IL's place in Tamil nadu on the kid's 3rd or 5th month. Its a must thing. They never called the kid home, nor did anything to her. didnt even got a chocolate till date.
armummy
Your 100% right, i call them. Even gave a feast to all of them after my dd's 5th month. MIL stopped calling us on phone. FIl met with accident which caused by SIL's hubby. We spent around 3 Lac - my hubby was in debt for that. DH went asked 1Lac. As we huge home loan + i was in unpaid leave. PIL are getting pension, own house and they have huge savings. MIL only after money.

DH opinion on party is - Don’t want all relatives again to converge and create a crowd. Later they bitch about food and arrangement.. even to my dress taste.
Brevity : My parents siblings are 2-3 only they will come. my cousins wont come because most of them are in other city.

Recently my sis got married. the wedding was in Trichy. We booked tickets for the MIL's entire clan (as they live in same house - MIL wants them everywhere). But none came.. MIL too dint come saying she has back pain cant travel in train etc. She told only after i called her and asked her, that too after reaching railway stn. She shows so much attitude.
Reception was held in chennai - MIL took my DD - she never cared to see her once after naming ceremony. She created a scene by carrying kid all around the hall. I was like :bang. I asked hubby - Can your mom identify our dd if, she is among 10 kids. he kept quiet.

I seriously dont want to meet MIL and her typical sisters. None of her sisters' daughter/ son invites us for their funciton. but MIL expects and commands us to invite them, recently her sisters' grandson's 1st bday came. they dint call us. Another incident is my DH cousin's BIL wedding was there, she too dint call us. Just 10 days ago.
:confused2:.
My point why should i call them? and make myself in trouble.

SGBVMy relatives vs your relative drama is an unwanted pain in a happy moment. So, avoid it - Your correct. But MIL make a long face, if we dont call her sisters and brother. They create so much havoc.

SGBV · Feb 13, 2015

Vedhavalli said: ↑

SGBVMy relatives vs your relative drama is an unwanted pain in a happy moment. So, avoid it - Your correct. But MIL make a long face, if we dont call her sisters and brother. They create so much havoc.
Click to expand...

It seems both you and your H are on the same page. Great.
Since you both don't want to invite them for the party (as you think, they are unnecessary crowd, and your H thinks they can make unwanted drama) and you have budget issues, better NOT to invite them all. Just call MIL/FIL and DH's siblings if they are around.
Leave the reamining crowd. It won't be a serious problem this time, because they did not invite you guys in their recent functions. So, you have more than one reason to support your agenda.

MILs like yours will always create drama.. needless to say the support of the additional MILs (her sisters). let them enjoy their own drama... perhaps this time the episode goes around you. Enjoy

yellowmango · Feb 13, 2015

Since your husband also doesn't want the unnecessary crowd ,just call in laws .If they come fine ...otherwise just enjoy the celebrations.
If she has a long face....let her.You don't stay with her...you don't have to see it.
Enjoy your party.