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What my Dad Taught me

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Jun 1, 2010.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    What my Dad Taught me



    Yesterday 31<SUP>st</SUP> May was Dad’s 14<SUP>th</SUP> Death Anniversary. I was remembering him a lot, for I wondered how time flies, it seemed just yesterday when he expired.


    My Dad had some very different ideas. I personally think even today, many of his ideas are solid and valid. Many may not agree, but well , its OK, we can all agree to disagree.


    Let me not go on to his early struggles, and other things, for some I have already discussed in my earlier blogs. Some things I feel like mentioning here, and what if any that I have learnt from them, whether I follow them or not, agree or not. So here goes


    1) Keeping Cash at Home – Dad had this habit of keeping around a lakh to 3 lakhs cash at home, withdrawing from the Bank at one go. He had a Godrej cupboard in his room, with a small safe inside. Always stacked.

    Whenever I wanted any money to buy something, I would ask Dad, and he would hand me the keys, and I would faint seeing so much money, for I had never seen that amount, I used to draw 300 pm from my own office, even as a partner, and I had no signing authourity on the cheques, even though I was one of the partners. And I never used to smoke then, and drink at home only, so it was a handsome amount for me then.


    I used to tell Dad, why do u keep so much at home, he explained, Kamal, what if there is an accident late in the night, and the hospital asks for a lakh to admit the patient, where will we get the money from( those days there were no ATM’s 20 to 30 years back).Kamal what use that money in the Bank, which cannot save the life ?


    And he said another thing , strange one, but well here it is “ Kamal, if robber come to loot the house, they must find something to loot. Your mom and Bhabhi keep all their jewellery in the Locker, so when they find just 10000 or 20000 at home, they get angry and start to hit everyone with rods, so I would tell them , please take all there is in the safe of mine, but please don’t hit anyone, and I promise u I wont report to the police also


    And I have seen some relatives coming to Dad to borrow , which they return in a couple of days..

    Well I too keep money at home, which I don’t touch, just in case .


    2) Travelling separate – He and his 4 brothers never traveled together, nor did he allow us 4 brothers to travel together. For he feared an accident, maybe like the Manglore Air accident, where families are wiped out .and I too agree with him on this one.


    3) Uncles and Dad used to cram and stay in the same house, and in the same business too.Dad gave them their share, more than normal, and separated them from business, and also made sure, they had separate residences . There was a big fight I remember, they were drinking and my uncles were pissed, granny was present too, pissed not at getting their less share, but Uncles said, u are removing us from your heart, and we want to remain together.


    Dad explained to them, that listen borther, what u earn u keep for it is yr own business.Suppose u go on a world tour with yr wife or buy her jewellery, my wife will not feel jelous for our businesses are separate. This way we will remove jelousy, and love and harmony between ladies will remain. That’s the way it has been since then, 40 years have passed to that.


    4) Dad had an export office only, and he had 4 sons. He did not like the idea of the 4 brothers working together, and the 4 brothers staying inone house, with their families, for we have a 4 bedrrom house in Mumbai, and it was possible, but he made two stay with him, and he shifted me to Jaipur soon after my marriage, and another brother he gave a flat the day he got married.


    He planned these things out when we were small. And today bcs of that we brothers are so happy, for we work and live separate, but our hearts are one. So if a brother buys a farm house , the other ladies not bothered, for it is their own money they can do what they want with it


    5) Dad said never give money in the market for interest purpose, always keep in the Bank, for whatever they give u, and pay your full taxes. I do that only
    6) Never lend big sums to friends or relatives. I don’t
    7) Never invest in the stock markets, don’t get greedy. Well I did a couple of years back, lost some, learnt it now.No more for me now.


    He never ever visited a Dentist all his life, but I did since a young age.He said he never ever used soap, well I do use soap and shampoo.But he never smelt bad !!!


    He loved his mom a lot., to the extent of annoying my mom, he would take my mom and his mom, and her sister, (granny’s sister) to every pilgrimage, and I too was lucky to go with them , and we would stay in small lodges, he would hire a taxi, and take us around everywhere.


    8) His will was always ready, and one copy was with us brother, one with his CA. His will just said, all to my wife, and he got her will made too, which said, all to my husband.


    9) The flat and the office, in Mumbai, he nominated my Mom, and today she is the owner of the two properties, and he left her a decent sum, from the interest of which she lives well. And he told her, keep all with u, and when and if I am no moer, this is what u have nominate for whom. He told her, don’t give away anything while u are alive, but will and nominate everything , so that till u are alive, u are the queen, which is so .I too have made mine and Harsha’s will the next month after he died, all mine to Harsha, and hers to me, and after us to our two daughters. While we are alive, everything will remain in our names.


    He liked to host the grandchildren’s birthday parties at home, quite lavishly, in the sense lots of fames and fun, movies being taken from the home camera, softdrinks, snacks, the works, and even ours, ehe would tell us to call our friends home, beer whiskey open for all.


    10) He taught us to drink beer and whiskey when we were not even adults, at around 16 years I think I was. He brought a crate of Beer, and told us to drink in front of him, to give him company, so that for drinks wer are not tempted to go out with friends, and land up with girls, drugs, etc, just because we wanted to drink away from the eyes of the parents.And he said anytime u want, pls call yr friends home, and drink here.


    That is the reason, we all drink at home in front of mother, grandmother, wives, we don’t go out and party much, he made us party every night.That is why we don’t drink much, have our two or three drinks, and eat food and sleep, unhealthy for sure, but that was it.If I had a son, I would have done the same, tell him young fella, drink here with me, and call yr friends whenever u want.

    11) Dad taught me to lose at times. Sometimes when he was playing with friends at home, here or in Mumbai, luck would favour him, and he would be winning heavily.Then i see him playing to lose, packing up good games, and when i asked him why, he said, dont win from friends or guests. We are playing for entertainment, that is all.

    And he would many a times, have the whold family and guests playing the 3 cards game, around 15 20 of us, ladies included, and playing with money, but small stakes, and it was fun, over drinks and kebabs, damn good fun.

    Alas, with him no more, these things dont happen much these days.


    And I see that many who came in contact with Dad, did not learn much from him, their sons are in the same business, same house, and today there are fights all over, I guess familiarity breeds contempt over a period of time.And none of his friends made their wills, and today there are big fights over the booty.


    He was a far sighted man, some see and some foresee, and he forsaw things. I am blessed to have him as my father, for all that I am today, is bcs of him.And I am old fashioned to invest in Banks and post offices, and paying my taxes, but I get a good night’s sleep for sure, and I feel good paying my taxes in full.


    That;s my Dad, and this is something small I dedicate to him.


    KAMAL MAHTANI
     
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  2. Sobhi

    Sobhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Kamalji

    Very nice post and some good informative points.
    I dont agree with all of them but 80%.

    Thanks for sharing with us.

    regards
    Shobha
     
  3. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sobhi,

    Welcome to my blogs.

    i know which ones u did not like, must be the drinking and card playing, and otehr things that u may not like is the nonveg part, whcih is not ther ein the blog, we eat nonveg almost everyday.

    Thanks for the visit and the kind comment.REgards

    kamal
     
  4. Padmini

    Padmini IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,
    In a wonderful manner you have paid tribute to your father.
    From the moment a child comes into the world until the time he goes to school or starts work the parent is actively involved in some aspect of that child's life. It could be dropping him to school or work, it could be helping the child pay for university fees, it could be teaching the child a new skill or it could be babysitting for the grandchild. The list of things that a parent does are endless,The greatest gift you ever had Came from God, and you called him Dad!Am correct ?Sure, there are a lot of bad apples that fell from the father's tree, but in general, a father is a doting, caring and role-model inducing figurehead of the family dynamic, always there to console, protect and encourage his children to be the best person that they possibly can be. Great fathers in stil in their children the desire and mental tools to grow up and be great fathers themselves. I feel your Dad was like that only. Moved very much and was astonished to see his practical decisions bringing " Unity in diversity" Thank you Kamalji, for sharing with us!!!
    with love
    pad
     
  5. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear Kamalji,
    I have no words to appreciate this blog of yours.Iam astounded by your father's foresight,the way he instructed you to deposit your money in banks and post offices and to pay your taxes in full.People who read this post can learn a lot,particularly young couples who have yet to start saving.About writing the will,it is very very impotant.Wonderful post Kamalji,hats off to yor father-his memory and hats off to you for writing this post.
    love
    mithila
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2010
  6. Sobhi

    Sobhi Senior IL'ite

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    No Kamalji

    Not with the one's you mentioned. Not at all...........
    The ideas of your dad w.r.t to the one's you pointed out drinking, non-veg are the right one's . Atleast we will be aware of what our kids are doing.

    I couldnot agree on the Stocks part. We should not become greedy and go this overnight becoming rich promises but do our analysis and play safe. But it requires a lot of home work. If you donot have the perseverance or patience to do the home work then stocks is not for you.

    "You" above means any one who is looking at stocks. :)

    There are also people who out of mere luck have made money through crude methods in stocks...........

    regards
    shobha
     
  7. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kamalji... what a lovely tribute to your father.... I'm sure where ever he is now he will be touched... bless his soul..
    Your Father had great foresight and knew how to negate the problems before they happen which is so good... Separating the business and giving each of his sons/ brothers a diff residence is sure long vision...
    it was really refreshing to read about the friendship and open relationship he developed with his sons... allowing them to have friends over for drinks etc... shows that he knew how to keep his family close knitted...
    Very touching blog from you
    K
     
  8. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,

    Your father surely taught you a lot of things and he surely had many points which all of us should imbibe.

    I especially liked the way he taught his family to live separately and yet be united. His planned his life well and made life pleasant for his children too by drawing out wills during his lifetime and teaching all of you to be your own masters.

    He was also very wise and ahead of his times. In Germany, at the age of fourteen, children go through their Confirmation ceremony and are introduced to their first wine! From then on, parents offer a glass of wine to their children at special dinners which used to surprise me no end and I was a little shocked too. When they explained how it is better they learn to appreciate drinks under the parental care did its significance register upon me.

    May your father's soul rest in peace.

    Even today, your father has tried to send his appreciation for your blogging abilities! He saw to it that this post is nominated for the month of June in the Finest Posts forum. Congrats!:)

    L, Kamla
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2010
  9. Godschild

    Godschild Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sir,

    That was a very touching tribute to your Father.
    Good lessons to learn from him.

    Incidentally my dad retired on May 31st 2010.
    I wanted to dedicate a small post to him. But i couldnt.
    It was very touchy on seeing your post on your dad and did make me regret a lot.
     
  10. vinoran

    vinoran Bronze IL'ite

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    “But Uncles said, you are removing us from your heart, and we want to remain together”.
    Dear Kamalji,
    The above lines shows that how great your father was and it speaks it all. Meanwhile you have tickled me to share my “Tribute to my Father” on his 100<SUP>th</SUP> Birth Anniversary,here in your Blog. Hope you don’t mind sharing my thought about my Father.

    Tribute to My Loving Father



    My Father was a biggest source of strength for everybody in our Family. We all perceived father as all-powerful, most knowledgeable, truly affectionate and the most important person in our family

    His qualities cannot be listed but a few I can share:

    Ø He was someone to stop us when we were diverting to a wrong path and guide us on a road to success and virtue. He was a very strict man because of the love and affection he poured to his children.

    Ø He always been there to solve our in numerous problems with his enormous Knowledge. Whatever subject you ask definitely you had an answer from him. How? Because of his involvement. He was a voracious reader not only theological subjects but in various fields.

    Ø He had passion for Music, specially our simple Hymns. He learnt to play Violin and Organ by himself – No Teachers. This inspired us to learn music. With his teaching of Violin to me I could develop myself and in my later years I passed ‘<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placeName w:st="on">Trinity</st1:placeName> <st1:placeType w:st="on">College</st1:placeType></st1:place> of Music’ – Grade IV Violin test. I really owe all my credit to God and him. My elder sister also learned to play organ with his help.

    Ø He was a good Sports man during his younger days though we have not shined much.

    Ø He gave good education to all three of us. Through his guidance all of us could do our Post-graduation degrees and diplomas, which is very helpful to us in our present life situations. All three of his children had an opportunity to study or work abroad. By the kindness and affection of my younger sister and his sweet husband (at present a Diplomat in Canada), I am working in Bangkok with a good position.

    Ø I have to confess that the generation gape affected me in the later years of my life (He married at the age of 40). This is not a mistake of him but the way I viewed it and later I realized that it was my misunderstanding and now I regret.

    Ø Lastly I must mention about my loving mother. My Father and mother was a ‘model couple’. Both loved the family and not only that they had a very strong bond among our relatives. They maintained this throughout their life. I am happy my elder sister is following them, though I am not very much in touch with our relatives.
    Conclusion:
    Remember, that regardless of our age, to our parents, we are always their "child".
    Thank you – D.V.R. DANIEL (Vinoran)
     

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