What kind of hubby is this????

He is just a:rotfl perfect husband

 

hi srividya

When i finished reading your thread, i can 95% identify with you. Whatever you wrote, my life is exactly same upto 95%. But i am married for 7 years. . Even i was working, earlier, then now a full time homemaker
have 2 kids, my routine is same as yours.

Regarding planning vacation, i have to give some credit to my DH. Yes he plans and decides like where and when we can go somewhere.

Otherwise regarding all other things, u said, grocery, rents, plan to reduce expenses etc............... i have to think. Even my DH will say let me check with me before agreeing to some plan with his friends. (sometime even i feel what his friends will think of me etcc..)But i think this is their way of showing respect to our likes and wishes.


Lot of us are sailing in same boat here, i am sure most of friends in indusladies agreees with us.


nothing wrong with ur husband.Basically he is used to you taking care of things all the time. Maybe before marriage, someone from his family must be deciding for him and taking decisions.

What you can do is involve him in all decisions. Say you want his opinion.
Sometime let him take decisions. Even if it is not right from your point of view go ahead with it. Gradually involve him in all the matters, by persuading him or prompting him to give his opinion. Say you value his opinion.

And dont worry about others thinks like inlaws, since whatever you do on your own, or if your DH decided, they are going to think that it is your decision only. So let them think whatever they want. It is your family, your kids.

 

trust me 99% women likes such husband:thumbsup
ofcourse otherperson involvment is needed but in todays world i dono if anyone can give liberty of decision making like your dh is doing

 

Hey Srividya,

As long as you are able to do things without stress, it is fine. I do not think there is anything to worry. If you feel stressed out doing all this, you must talk to him and ask him to share some of the work you do.

Another thing I would say is you need not worry what the world thinks about you - like you are dominating or something like that. If you both are happy, that is fine.

 

Is this statement coming from your inner conscious??? i.e are you feeling that you are not letting him do anything/take decisions???

If you had asked him and gave him chances to take initiatives and involve in day to day activities and he feels you are the better person to take care of it, then why not??? why do you have to feel guilty about it?

Ask yourself what is bothering you?? is it that he is not taking initiative or is it that you look like a dominating woman to outside world (that too because infront of everyone he keeps saying let me ask my wife as if you are the principal of the school and he is a student:rotfl)

Might be all this while someone managed things for him, or he feels he wants to respect his wife and thinks let her be the home minister and handle the affairs of the home.

 

I would only repeat- do not bother what the world thinks as long as you have no problems.

 

Sri,

In a Marriage, the couple are not alike.. One is better in some things and the other outsmarts in the rest. That is the way it is..

He earns and you can never get into his shoes.. I dont mean the money part but the proffessional part. What he does, he is unique at.

You can never be him and so cant he be you !!

You said it wrong.. it isnt that all he does is earn.. He also, handles peace and harmony at home not throwing tantrums about him being the only one who gets the green bucks home, isnt ?

Probably had you been working too, he would have shared many thngs that you did. Why dont you try going for a job if your kids are aged enough to handle themselves. Divide the routine equally amongst the both of you.

Even, now you relax at home on the weekends somtimes and take turns in taking the kids for activities.. But, am sure, the both of you want to be a part of certain activities.. Just go only for them.

I can relate well to you, because am almost like this in my house. Though I dont bother about the utilities and expenses etc. my hubby needs me in every other thing that requires a decision including utility related.

For ex. if friends plan a movie for the weekend, hubbypie decides to check with wifey before nodding head. Though he knows we are absolutely jobless on the weekend and that movie was on our minds too since quite sometime. On the contrary, I dont call him to nod for a party or movie unless he has hinted me about some other plans. I say a ok.. usually there wouldnt be a cancelation but, something comes up, we call and say sorry. Now, does these things make me dominant ? Or him more submissive ? NO That is the way he is and so am I.. We dont change for each others' sake unless the other one is deeply hurt by our behaviour and we know it is wrong too.. So, no harm. I plan the holidays too. He does somtimes as well. There are long weekends where we have sat and watched movies over movies without stepping out of the house.. That sometimes thrills him.. it doesnt matter as far as you enjoy what you doing.

Maybe the time he planned for a movie etc. you could have said alright. It doesnt mean that everytime a ' vacation ' is to go out.. it can also be a time to relax. Had you given in one time, he would have come around the way you do, the next time. Simple.

Dont get too frustrated about normalcy. it a'int true that a wife needs to be the one who cooks and keeps house and the hubby is the one to earn and make decisions..

If a man can keep house and cook, so can a woman make decisions. Nothing hideous about it. You are nothing out of the normal.

You can let go of few decision making, but you wouldnt like it eventually because his way of thinking and yours are different. Just because he doesnt plan and do things the way you do / think, doesnt make him any submissive. He simply is believing in you and trusting your decision making... which you dont. It isnt wrong. That is the way we are. So, let go off my-way-or-no-way if you really want to encourage him to be more involved.

Forgetting the rent amount and all those little things which they can afford to remember, is simply pampering. Men love to be pampered too.. So, if he does ' depend ' on you on many silly things, just go with it and show your support. Afterall he supports you as well through actions day in and day out, isnt ?