I would like to apologize in advance for my English and grammatical mistake. I never wrote any blog, but today felt like sharing my feeling with you Ilites. Please forgive me for my writing style as well. Last Saturday my door bell ranged, I opened the door and saw a courier boy, he handed over a small packet to me. Moment I held that packet my heart felt very heavy. I closed the door came inside and sat on the sofa my mind was blank for few seconds…. I stared at the packet in my hand and put it on the side table as I couldn’t bear its weight. I couldn’t control myself and tears started rolling out. I started visualizing last one year of my life…. I saw myself standing at the arrival of Sokarno Hatta Airport at Jakarta, waiting for my DH and MIL to come. My DH went to India to bring my MIL to help us during my pregnancy. I saw them coming out I waved my hand in excitement, moment they came out I literally ran and hugged my MIL, for a moment I forgot that my DH also standing in the queue with a big smile, I smiled back and three of us headed toward our house…… …… then I saw my MIL, DH and I sitting in our bedroom and chatting non stop on all the possible topics on the earth until 1:00-2:00 am, laughing, discussing about baby, making the shopping list, arguing what is important and what is not…. ….. I then saw myself pleading with my MIL to join us for our weekly trip to mall to do the grocery shopping and she is making many excuses to avoid so that me and my husband can spend some time together, we both (me and my DH) understand why she doesn’t want to join us and then me pretending to get angry, making a big face, and then she coming to me, cajoling me like my own mother….. …… I saw myself in the labor-pain, it was night time, my MIL suddenly get up and made Suji Halwa and parantha for me to eat, I am not in a mood to eat anything but she is feeding with her own hands, insisting me to eat a little as later I’ll not get anything to eat until I deliver and might feel hungry…. ….. I saw three of us (MIL, DH and I) at home with my baby, I had C section, not in a very good condition, she took charge of everything, sleeping with me, changing baby’s nappy, cooking different dishes for me, different for my DH, doesn’t allow me to step out of my room, washing my hairs, feeding me, taking my used utensils to kitchen to clean, scolding me if I am not eating properly, if not drinking milk twice a day …. AND NOW THIS….I again looked at the packet and opened it with heavy heart, checked the dates… YES…. it’s 10th Dec…. She is finally going back, after spending one full year with us. I really don’t know what to feel and how to react… She has a big family in India to take care and I know she misses all of them, I know sometimes she felt very lonely here when me and DH were at work, but she never complaint, never let us feel that how difficult it was for her to spend whole day alone… I always saw her smiling…. She is God’s blessing to us, a woman with a golden heart…. I don’t have enough words to describe what she means to me… I never missed my Mom in her presence. I don’t want her to go back, but I can’t be selfish. God please give me strength so I can wave her with a smile on my face and not tears in my eyes…. I will really miss you MAA….