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What kind of family life do you like to live in???

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sridivya, Jan 21, 2010.

  1. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    Nuclear family Vs Joint family.

    What kind of married life you like? Please keep in mind that the situation here DOES NOT have nosy, interfering inlaws and abusive husband. Those are exceptions and we will not consider here otherwise our opinions will be different.

    Definition:
    ---------
    Nuclear family: You,husband,and your kids. All others, inlaws, parents,siblings are all considered visitors as they don't live with you.

    Joint family: You, husband, your kids, inlaws,
    unmarried siblings of husband, if any and BILs and cosisters, if any.
    Married siblings of yours and your dh's married sisters, your parents and other relatives are considered visitors here.


    Now please pour in your views on which set up you would prefer. Keep in mind here we do not have anyone totally cruel, abusive, since then the obvious answer is what we all know.


    Sridivya
     
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  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Nuclear family. That's the environment I was brought up in, and it's the one I want to raise my kids in and live my life in. I made that clear to hubby before marriage that I was not interested in the joint family system, and he didn't seem to want it either. Personally I just need space, privacy, and the ability to maintain my home as I like it. Call me selfish, but I don't want to have to constantly think of relatives needs all the time. I don't want the extra work of caring for more people, cooking for more people, or cleaning for more people. And I'm definitely not interested in pooling my finances with my inlaws, or dh's siblings or any other relative for that matter. Definitely the joint family system does have a few positive points, but not enough for me to want to live in one. Nuclear is the way for me. JMO.
     
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  3. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    NUCLEAR FAMILY

    I lived in a joint family during my childhood with dad's parents. I saw how my mom didnt have any voice at all. She cant even talk in front of them, let alone deciding anything. She cant even cook and eat what she wants, she literally was equal to a piece of furniture.....

    Even if my inlaws are Mother teresa and gandhiji, I would like to stay away from them and have a good rapport than to be in the same house and have little frictions every day.
     
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  4. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    NUCLEAR FAMILY.

    I was born into one. Got married into a joint family. But, I and dh have lived in US alone for 4 years before we got married. I love his family but like ASG said, I also love my independence and space. I dont mind having a family in the same city, but I dont think I would like it to share my space with too many people. A little distance makes people respect you more, in my opinion.

    There is this neigbor of mine who had a son, she had once mentioned 'After marriage, you should have your kitchen seperate. It is not right to expect my DIL to adjust to me and neither is it fair for me to adjust to her at this age". This has been my mantra, eventhough it has been more than 15 years that I heard this phrase:)
     
  5. Cool1

    Cool1 New IL'ite

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    Nuclear family...
    I was brought up in a joint family..I always had too many people around and I saw my mom struggle to please everyone. She was strong but had to give in many times...
    Before my marriage, I had agreed to stay in ajoint family set up since my DH and his bro have 2 apartments adjacent to each other.But after my marriage I saw the interference and all that..Kitchen is same,maid is same,cant buy anything on my own,less privacy etc...
    So now I am better off with only my DH.I dont mind my in laws or anyone coming and visiting, but I only want my freedom and space. And now my DH also understands that its better this way...
     
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    NUCLEAR...

    I was brought up that way, I want to live that way, I selected a DH who was brought up that way & a DH who dint mention that he cannot live away from parents.

    Reason being.. familiarity breeds contempt and 1:1 contempt can be handled as compared to 1 to Many.

    In case of untimate old age ... maybe 2 flats in same apartment.. thats it.
     
  7. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    if no issues i want to be with entire family of dh
    i being only child i always wanted to be a part of joint family with lot of family members
    unfortunately had issues with mil before and now but i figured everyone has that issue now no matter you are in us and in laws stay in india
     
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  8. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    Nuclear Family
    I would prefer a nuclear family anytime. I was brought up in one and so was my DH. I would definitely not want to be with the 'crowd',no matter how nice they are.
    I need my privacy and space. So does DH. IMO, I think these days even some guys prefer to be away from parents since they too need space
     
  9. blessbabydust

    blessbabydust IL Hall of Fame

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    Joint family

    I have very lovely in laws and parents blessed by god with both so prefer to live joint family there are pros and cons in both but love to lead my life in this environment ......... i see the benefit of been in joint family than nuclear family.
     
  10. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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