What is your opinion on reverse age gap marriages?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Keerthu, Feb 12, 2010.

  1. Keerthu

    Keerthu New IL'ite

    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Malavika,

    We are discussing about reverse age gap marriages in general.The age difference could be 1 month to several years.
     
  2. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    818
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Do you have any logic behind this thinking to arrive at this conclusion? If so, I am very intrigued and very much would like to hear it :)

    So can I also make a logical assumption/deduction from your statement that age gap marriages which involve an older man/younger woman (lets call them NON reverse age gap marriages for this argument) do not cause a rift at some point or the other?

    I would also love to see the statistics that helped you arrive at that conclusion or statistics that decisively say older woman - younger man couples have more issues and problems than the other way around. :)
     
  3. Keerthu

    Keerthu New IL'ite

    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Just because you have had a reverse age gap marriage doesnt mean the whole world has to say "yes" to reverse age gap marriages.

    Different people..different thinking !!!

    There are many problems with an arranged marriage where everything seems so perfect but they end up with so many issues..then in a marriage where a man is younger to the woman which is generally not the norm..wouldn't that cos a rift ? Its like gambling with our lives..It may be perfect..it may not be..My question is when there are already problems in a typical arranged or love marriage with a normal age difference..why would anybody want to add to the problems by marrying someone younger/older?

    But atleast with a normal age difference (older man and younger woman ) you can be sure that the age will not cause a problem..and one does not have to worry that,in a tiff either of the spouses wouldn't blame each other for having married someone elder/younger

    How many people who have had reverse age gap marriages are comfortable disclosing the reverse age difference with the people around them ? I am not talking about the society here..I am talking about their parents and loved ones.
     
  4. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,838
    Likes Received:
    2,579
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Keerthu

    You've asked for "your opinion" in the title of your thread, but you don't seem to very receptive to opinions other than your own. Nevertheless, I'll go ahead and tell you about my experience - I'm hoping it'll count for something in your eyes, since I'm assuming you've never experienced a "reverse age gap" marriage personally. My husband is almost three years younger than I am, and we've been married for six years now.

    I'm always wary of societal trends or cultural customs being termed "normal", as if to do something different is abnormal. So, I'm going to go with "typical" here, as this word is more representative of the fact that these trends change with time and place.

    I don't know how many, but I for one am very comfortable telling people that I am older than my husband. He also does not have a problem revealing this information. We don't broadcast it to all and sundry (it doesn't seem relevant to most conversations), but if it comes up, we feel no shame in admitting that I am older than he is. We told our parents, our loved ones, our friends, and not a single person expressed (to us) that they had reservations about our age difference. It's really no one's business besides our own, anyway, if you really think about it.

    In my opinion (the one you asked for), there are far more important signifiers of compatibility than age. If we assume that age is a reliable indicator of maturity, than maybe we can take it for granted that there's some magic formula (e.g. husband must be 3-5 years older than the wife) for marital harmony. However, I have met some 21-year-old people who are incredibly mature, and some 45-year-old people who are unbelievably immature. Given this, I'm having trouble accepting your basic tenet that an atypical age gap is an automatic recipe for disaster.

    My husband and I have blamed many things when we argue (one of my most insane arguments has to do with the weather, air pressure, and my sinus headaches, haha), but age has never been a factor. I think when we're children or teenagers, for example, a three-year age gap means more in terms of maturity and development. However, when we get older, it all sort of evens out.

    So, according to your theory, we're bound to have some kind of "rift" at some point due to our age difference. I hope this is not true - it seems highly unlikely to me, based on how we've lived our lives so far. I know quite a few other "odd" or atypical couples (different ages, races, ethnicities, nationalities, etc.) who are quite happy with each other, and some who are not. My experience has taught me that it's hard to say what will or will not make or break a marriage, and deliberately matching up on the basis of things like age is no guarantee either way.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  5. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    818
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for completely evading my questions :) Well yes, the whole world does not have to say 'yes' to reverse age gap marriages and nor do I think people in reverse age gap marriages are seeking the seal of approval from everyone in the world. But you have not offered any rational explanation or proof to back your thinking or claim.

    ALL marriages have issues and problems of varying degree and magnitude and marriage is a lifelong process of reconciling differences and solving problems. If anyone thinks marriage is an institution of perfection, then they are deluding themselves and frankly, they should reevaluate their decision to get married if they are looking for perfection because it seems so.

    And as for the latter part of your statement (the part I bolded), you have neither offered any statistical proof nor offered any convincing logical explanation to back your claims that one type of age difference marriages are better than the other type. I am still waiting on that proof or evidence or scientific study that conclusively says women who marry men younger than them have a multitude of problems in their marriage compared to their counterparts other than 'because I think so'.

    So if I were to make a statement such as ' Indian women from Delhi should not be granted visas to enter UK because it causes problems' or 'Indian men from Madras should not be granted work visas to enter the United States because it will cause problems' and the best argument I could come up with to back those statements was 'because I think so' , then I am really grasping for straws.

    Trust me, when we 'reverse age gap' couples get into arguments or difference of opinion with our partners, we seldom cite our age difference as a factor for those differences and honestly, it has never even struck me as a factor for anything unless I am a fan of citing random coincidences and possibilities, which I am certainly not LOL

    So you are implying that when older man/younger woman couples get into arguments their argument goes like ' You piss me off, you are inconsiderate and you act like an arsehole most of the time but on the bright side, you are older than me, thank goodness. I forgive you' ? :rotfl

    Uhmm pretty much all of us are comfortable disclosing the reverse age difference? LOL I didn't think it would be classified information or a 'who killed Kennedy?' question for us reverse age gap couples to disclose it. Pretty much all our friends and family are well aware of the fact that I am older than him by 2 mos and no one even remotely brought that up as a potential red flag in our relationship LOL It is very much a non issue.
     
  6. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,263
    Likes Received:
    33
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    I cannot think of any rational reason why an older woman cannot marry a younger man. It is not currently the norm however that does not make it wrong.
     

Share This Page