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What Is The Way Out Of This.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Jan 28, 2022.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Ok maybe new year magic or whatever it is I’ve been hearing all month from Neighbhors friends that even before marriage also my husband wanted a citizen wife and married me in a week. So that is confirmed.

    But more troubling is he does not even treat me well. In laws have a history of ill treating daughter in laws. Along with the men.

    I am hoping I can stay in this relationship for few more years till kids are grown up ( I have my job so believe me everyone I am not a parasite on him ). How can I avoid him not treating me well.


    And moreover how do I avoid him bringing his family members parents on green cards when the jerk does not even treat me or my parents well.


    What is the solution out of this ? The jerks Dad that is my father in law has asked for my pan card in India. Why the heck does he need my pan card. Lucky I don’t have one and never applied for one.

    what is the solution out of preventing his parents from getting green cards. I called the lawyer she said she can’t do anything. There must be a solution

    And believe me I am more beautiful than any lady in his family. They have no right to ill treat me. Including my husband.

    no way can I tolerate that jerks family from getting green cards THROUGH ME. HELP ME !!
     
  2. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I read many of your posts.It seems your marriage is over.The only option left in your case is divorce.
     
  3. ImHuman

    ImHuman Bronze IL'ite

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    We tend to think... Whatever good has happened to us is because of us, because we are so and so etc . We were given good parents, education... we take it for granted. We did not choose it. It happened to us. It looks like you got a husband who is a jerk. You are unlucky in this. God did not give you a good man.. But He gave you education capability to live on your own., control your own life. Again focus only on what you can control leave rest to God. Your focus should be what positivity you want in your life. Not trying to stop others should not have it. You ask God for blessings . Every kind of peace, positivity goodness for you. Always..!!!! If God wants that your inlaws be given green card or a lavish lifestyle let them have it. You leave it to Him. Trust God and his plans for you. Loop upto Him whenever you feel bad, sad, angry or any difficulty that comes your way.. He will help you find solutions.
     
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  4. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    I understand ur logic but think of it this way. If someone were to take alll ur money which might be in a few crores , buy a huuuge house for themselves a car and give u 5 paisa if u ask for it would u leave it to GOD ( and that too let this person be a beggar ) ?? Would you just say let GOD handle them ? And let’s say everyone says “ you are educated ….You earn your money again and don’t stop the other people from benefitting.” ?
    you don’t think about the other person’s benefit try to bring positivity to yourself ?

    You would do whatever is in ur hands to stop it.

    I am not trying to argue here but just trying to convey the logic behind my posts.
     
    SuiDhaaga likes this.
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You have to help yourself, OP. Make a plan and act on it. It’s your life.
    You cannot revoke your husband’s US passport or stop him from getting green cards for his family members or inviting people on visitor visa if you are not on the same page.
    Focus instead on the things that you can control.
     
  6. Anbhu

    Anbhu Silver IL'ite

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    Were you aware marriage fraud happens (marriage to citizenship spouse happens for benefits ) before marriage? What steps you took to not fall into that trap? From your posts it is clear even from first week marriage your husband and his family did not treat you well, why did you not stop sponsoring or getting his PR? Before marriage were you aware once he gets PR through you he can apply for citizenship and he can sponsor his family and bring them here? What all ground work or information gathering you did to understand all this before marriage? If you were not unaware of all this or did not do any information gathering, I would say it is your fault too and take responsibility.

    Think of this. An American citizen man marries a women from India, has kids with her, ill treats her and divorces her and if there was a way to strip of her citizenship, what could be her situation?

    Even if citizenship is involved or not, each spouse should be careful about their own finances if they do not want to loose their money in worst case scenario like separation or divorce. In case if one spouse is ok to let the money go with the other spouse, finances could be joined. Seems like your eyes are opened very late.

    Only thing that could help you is professional help to get through the resentment, betrayal. Otherwise I see your relationship is going to get more nasty. I feel for the kids in the home. Please think of them and try to get professional help.
     
  7. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    There will be a solution for everything. There must be a way to do this. I am not going to sit and watch. I’ve seen 10 other men get married to citizens after my husband did. If the main intent is to get citizenship then that is indeed a crime.

    The purpose of giving citizenship to spouse is to demonstrate the kindness of the US government and its intent not to separate husband and wife on basis of immigration. It is not to get the whole family green cards. If Husband and wife are not together why does the non citizen spouse need citizenship anymore. ?? If you were in the citizens shoes would you not feel that way ?? The purpose of giving the non citizenship spouse citizenship is so the family will be United for the sake of marriage. When they are separated and not married anymore why the noncitizen spouse needs citizenship ??
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2022
  8. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You want to change the US constitution? Good luck with that.
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If the man committed a crime by getting married to a citizen with the main intent being to get citizenship, and if the citizen entered the marriage willingly, the citizen can be said to have abetted a crime.

    I wouldn't call it kindness of the US government. The government recognizes that its citizens will marry non-citizens and it provides a path towards citizenship for the non-citizen. This path has some checks and measures to detect and prevent abuse. The govt is not being kind to anyone. They are making and enforcing laws that are fair and keep the country's and citizens' best interests at heart.

    Once the non-citizen becomes a citizen, they are like any other naturalized citizen for the government. Citizenship is treated as a precious right and it is not taken away easily. There is a very high bar for stripping a naturalized citizen of their citizenship.

    If by law the citizenship ends when the marriage ends, it would give the citizen spouse way too much power in the marriage. In general, laws are framed such that they do not allow one person or set of people to exploit another.

    A noncitizen getting citizenship through marriage and retaining that citizenship after the marriage ends can seem unfair. This is no different than cases such as one spouse works and supports the other who is attending fulltime school. After the school-going spouse gets a fancy degree, the marriage ends. The one who worked long hours and took care of the house too can feel cheated.

    TL;DR: Citizenship is not a work visa.
     
    Laks09 likes this.
  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with you.

    I absolutely hated it when relatives said I should think, A, B, C, even though they would NEVER be in my shoes, i.e. they don't do arranged marriages, their kids have multiple boyfriends/girlfriends instead of studying in college, etc, etc.

    Remember, if that monster lays his hands on you, keep you and your children safe, remain calm, and call the appropriate authorities.

    That's one way to get relief, IMHO
     
  11. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with you.

    I absolutely hated it when relatives said I should think, A, B, C, even though they would NEVER be in my shoes, i.e. they don't do arranged marriages, their kids have multiple boyfriends/girlfriends instead of studying in college, etc, etc.

    Remember, if that monster lays his hands on you, keep you and your children safe, remain calm, and call the appropriate authorities.

    That's one way to get relief, IMHO
     

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